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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Hen party dilemma

36 replies

Timeturner · 20/08/2015 08:04

One of my friends is getting married within the next year.

A few weeks back I recieved an email about her hen, which is being organised by her bridesmaids. It features going to see a male strip act.

My problem is this. If my partner was going to see a female strip act, I would be very unhappy. Not because of jealousy, but because I fundementally disagree with women being seen as 'objects'. I would not prevent him from going, but my opinion would be made clear. So it feels hypocritical of me to go, and I feel uncomfortable with the idea anyway. There is no way to attend the rest of the hen without attending this, but the bride is a good friend.

So what should I do? Help!

OP posts:

Bunbaker · 20/08/2015 08:06

Just tell her that you don't want to go if it is a male strip act.

londonrach · 20/08/2015 08:06

Can you miss that bit of the hen party out or is it at the same venue.

GloGirl · 20/08/2015 08:07

I really don't see how there is going to be a naked man through the whole thing. If the meal is at the stripping venue just go to that and leave before the show starts

Original poster

Timeturner · 20/08/2015 08:09

There is something happening before the act, then to a venue for the act, and then night out afterwards.

OP posts:

Collaborate · 20/08/2015 08:12

It does sound to me as if the main reason you've an issue with it is the hypocrisy. Not that you fundamentally disagree with men being seen as objects. You're merely uncomfortable with that (although it may be the nudity you're uncomfortable with rather than the "men as objects").

I don't blame you to be feeling a bit "ugh" at it anyway. It's tacky.

Has it made you recognise your hypocrisy, in that you can tell that you don't feel the same about male strippers as female, and that makes you feel uncomfortable?

You could always go and find a cafe to sit in while the others go to the strip club. If it's anything like the hen dos posted about on here it'll probably last all week anyway.

Ahardmanisgoodtofind · 20/08/2015 08:18

For a full minute there i thought I'd sleep-written your post op.
I've said i can't afford the stripper/meal bit and will meet for night out afterwards.,in the meantime I'll be at the hotel pampering myself having a nap

EatDessertFirst · 20/08/2015 08:24

Ugh sounds frightful. I don't blame you for not wanting to go. Can you just go to the night out after, pleading 'got to work' or 'can't afford it all' or 'would rather chew off my own arm than watch an oily chap flop his sausage about'?

gcseResultsRoutTODAY · 20/08/2015 08:26

'would rather chew off my own arm than watch an oily chap flop his sausage about'?

The best and honest answer is usually the best way to go...

DoreenLethal · 20/08/2015 08:29

'would rather chew off my own arm than watch an oily chap flop his sausage about'?

Indeed.

honeysucklejasmine · 20/08/2015 08:31

Eugh! Does the bride know this is where the hen is going? I hope its not a shock for her.

Original poster

Timeturner · 20/08/2015 08:43

Hen has no idea

OP posts:

GloGirl · 20/08/2015 08:51

Just say beforehand you object to strippers and you'll go to a bar during that bit. Don't tell everyone that or you may cause a mass exodus and be blamed for splitting the hen party. Just tell the organiser.

If you don't want to be that obvious just say you have to go to a family meal for Aunt Mabel's birthday and you can join the night out after the stripping.

MidniteScribbler · 20/08/2015 08:53

What sort of show is it? If it's a show like Manpower or Thunder from Down Under my response would be different to a skanky single male stripper rubbing himself up and down on a woman. It may be hypocritical, but I see one as a 'show' and the other just 'porn'. The former are easier to just sit back and have a drink through without getting involved in, whereas a more traditional strip venue, or private show would be a bit different I think.

elizadolittlechoc · 20/08/2015 09:27

I turned down a hen weekend which included a lesson in pole dancing. I can see your dilemma OP, the difficult bit is politely having to air personal opinions whilst not offending the bride. The fact that you have posted here shows your true feelings

OwlinaTree · 20/08/2015 09:47

The male strip shows rarely feature total nudity, if it's at a theatre type venue. The female equivalent would be more like a burlesque show than a lap dancing club.

sticklebrickstickle · 20/08/2015 09:50

Can't you just go and do something else for that part of the hen?

Go to the part before then when the rest of the group go to the venue for the strip act you go and wander around the local area for a bit (if it's in a town) or find a coffee shop and sit with a book.

Then when the act is over you go back to the venue to meet for the night out. So long as you're clear that you're not judging anyone else for going and that you're not trying to be a martyr but will genuinely be happy to do your own thing for a couple of hours I don't see the problem?

specialsubject · 20/08/2015 10:26

tack-o-rama. Do you really want to spend time with a bunch of shrieking females?

plead a subsequent engagement and tell the bride you'll see her at the wedding.

molyholy · 20/08/2015 10:59

Urgh. So tacky. Can't believe people of either sex sees this an entertainment in this day and age.

If someone I was friends with arranged this for the hen, I would have to have a word.

If I were you, I would miss that bit out and meet up later.

ninniepie · 20/08/2015 11:10

Well, it all sounds a bit tacky and I can't say that I'd want to do that if it were my hen do. However, I think it does depend what kind of show it is as pps have said.

In saying that, if you don't want to go, it's your choice. Surely you can just say that you'll meet them later?

AuntyMag10 · 20/08/2015 11:17

I would miss that part and meet them afterwards. I don't think it's anyone's place to question you on why you want to skip that part.

Skiptonlass · 20/08/2015 12:06

Grim. I once went to a hen do which involved male strippers. The hen was an absolutely lovely person and I didn't want to make a fuss but it was just awful....

Dead eyed, bulked up strippers with arms so big they couldn't put their arms down by their sides, covered in some sort of creosote like fake tan. Everyone else seemed to absolutely love it - they were wailing like banshees while my mate and I downed an entire bottle of white each to try to numb the horror. It was rough...

If I were you I'd just very quietly skip that bit. I certainly wish I had..

Itsmine · 20/08/2015 12:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SomethingBeginningWith · 20/08/2015 22:55

Op, it's not my hen, is it? my bridesmaids are organising my surprise hen and I'd be mortified if it featured a stripper. Not because I disagree with the whole concept, but because there are so many better things I actually want to do!

ShadowLine · 20/08/2015 23:01

I went to a hen do once that involved seeing a male stripping act, and it was horrible. Really cringy. Especially when they started with the audience participation, inviting women up to the stage etc (all the 10 or so bride's in the audience were called up to the stage). I spent a lot of time hiding at the bar.

Can you possibly make excuses to skip that part of the evening?

MyEvenNewerAccount · 20/08/2015 23:18

I wouldn't go. A big group of my friend went to a strip club once, I just said it wasn't for me and that was that. I didn't lecture them and they didn't lecture me. Everyone was happy.

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