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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to delay getting pregnant for wedding?

34 replies

Reddottys12 · 19/08/2015 00:48

OH and I have agreed to start trying for another baby early next year. We are also planning to get married next year in the summer and due to overseas family and friends only being available in the summer, we really can't budge on the wedding month. So, is it silly to delay getting pregnant just so that I'm not fat and uncomfortable on my wedding day? I'm in my mid 30's so not keen to wait too long to try again. But at the same time, I'd really like to enjoy my wedding day! What to do!??

OP posts:

Fatmomma99 · 19/08/2015 00:51

Well, It took us 6 years to conceive, so I may be a little biased....

Good luck for your wedding.

Original poster

Reddottys12 · 19/08/2015 00:55

fatmomma99 I'm so sorry it took so long! I feel silly for posting something so trivial when people have these struggles. I never want to take getting pregnant for granted!

OP posts:

ChanandlerBongsNeighbour · 19/08/2015 01:38

If it was just that you didn't want to be HUGELY pregnant for your wedding, then I don't think it unreasonable to take a break of a few months at the appropriate time, so that you may either have a newborn or a little baby bump at the wedding. Although I know that once DH and I had decided to 'try' getting pregnant I was so excited and impatient that I couldn't have stopped if I'd wanted to! Good luck whatever you decide!

Fatmomma99 · 19/08/2015 01:45

Don't feel bad (I don't - we have a gorgeous DD), most people conceive more easily than we did. My DH (love him) has this ejaculation issue thing, and then he gone and got an inconvenient testicular cancer, so we aren't the norm, but please don't think you'll throw away the pill and get pregnant tomorrow - you might (and some of my friends did), but just screwing doesn't mean you'll a baby make!

I don't want to piss on your parade, and most people do conceive easily, but don't assume you'll be one of them, because you never know! And really sorry to be all down-y on a lovely thread.

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 19/08/2015 03:00

I could conceive easily enough, just couldn't carry properly...

OP, I think you ought to do one thing at a time - having a baby / trying for a baby / being pregnant can be v stressful, as can having a wedding. Nothing wrong with a honeymoon baby

Tootsiepops · 19/08/2015 03:47

I started trying for our first at 32. Am now 36, and 26 weeks pregnant with an IVF baby. It's been a loooong battle.

My friend is a year older than me. She got pregnant the month she stopped taking her pill.

Personally, if you're in your mid30s, I'd go and have an AMH test done to see how your egg reserve is looking. It's a blood test - costs about £100 and will let you know how much time you have to play with.

FatSwan · 19/08/2015 03:50

I get what you're saying OP.

DD was a honeymoon baby. I figured that's what it's for.

Good luck!

kickassangel · 19/08/2015 04:31

Get pregnant now?

captainproton · 19/08/2015 04:53

we waited to conceive our 3rd as we were waiting for a few health issues in my DD to resolve. I was also Ill last year and agreed with DH to wait until I was in a good stretch of recovery before even attempting another pregnancy.

I was pregnant when I got married. It was a low key affair, I couldn't face anything more. We had a lovely time but I wouldn't necessarily do it again. Knowing what I do now that my fertility is ok, it took my parents 5 years in their 20's to have me and I was 30. Having children was more important to us than the wedding so once we knew we wanted to have one we saw no sense in delaying. We were lucky and conceived straight away.

if you are planning a big wedding which can easily be one of the most stressful times of your life, would you really want to be pregnant too? How much support would you have?

FireflyGirl · 19/08/2015 05:16

I looked obviously pregnant from 10 weeks (and was a little overweight so it should have been hidden iykwim). Our little boy is a honeymoon baby, but we eloped and had a party 2 months later. By which time I was strapped into my lovely dress with a wish and a prayer

I also felt rough as anything from 6 to 20 weeks, then the pelvic girdle pain and carpal tunnel set in.

Quite frankly I'd not have enjoyed my wedding if I'd been pregnant. I can understand the pp saying get pregnant now, but then you would be due May/June time and have a tiny newborn. Plus, if you're like me, you may struggle to lose the baby weight, in which case you may not fit into your perfect dress. (I'm not implying you would be the same but I struggle to lose weight and despite breastfeeding which was supposed to be a miracle cure it hasn't shifted at all in 5 months!!)

Personally, hard as I would find it, I would wait until the wedding (or a couple of weeks before ) to ensure you enjoy your day.

Congratulations OP

Runningupthathill82 · 19/08/2015 05:35

I was 25 weeks pregnant when I got married. It was a perfect day and I wouldn't change a thing.

Admittedly though, although I was the size of a house, I felt really well, and was last woman standing at 3am (being the only sober one helped!)

Depends what sort of wedding you're after, too. Mine was big but very informal - more like a big festival than anything else - so I wasn't under pressure to be "on show" all day. I was genuinely relaxed and enjoying myself.
Whereas if you're planning full-on tradition, with speeches, official photos, a first dance and all that jazz - lots of hanging about involved - I can see why you may not want to be pregnant and uncomfortable.

Honesty, if stuff like looking traditionally "beautiful" in the photos really matters to you, then put it on hold. I'm so happy and smiling in all my pictures, but am huge. That doesn't matter a bit to me, as neither did the fact I had to change into flat shoes by the evening as my feet hurt, but I know it would to some. I also didn't mind not having my "perfect" dress, but I know others might.

You just have to weigh it up really. What matters more, the "ideal" wedding or potentially not having another child?
I was in my 20s when I made the same decision - but decided waiting wasn't worth the risk, after seeing so many friends struggling with infertility. I got pregnant straight away, hence the huge wedding bump, but I know I was very, very lucky. I'd make the same decision again.

Statistically, six extra months or so is a long time to wait in your mid 30s, but you know that. You might be very lucky, you might not, but it really depends what's more important long-term.

MidniteScribbler · 19/08/2015 06:50

If it's about being married before having a child, could you do a registry wedding, then just hold a big party when your relatives are here? That's if you don't want the whole massive wedding deal. Then again, a big party always seemed a lot more fun than a 'traditional' wedding.

eurochick · 19/08/2015 06:54

It took us three years and four rounds of IVF to get a pregnancy that stuck. We also waited until after our wedding to start ttc. If I could do it again, I would still wait until afterwards (but would like to have done it all a couple of years earlier- I was 34).

NoahVale · 19/08/2015 06:58

I delayed, but then I planned my wedding within 6 weeks. This was my third child and I had no problems whatsoever conceiving. I got pregnant within 3 months of being married. So I would agree with your plan.
Why wait so long to get married though?

NoahVale · 19/08/2015 07:00

I see you want your family around for the wedding.

Wisteria1979 · 19/08/2015 07:01

Agree with pp that said depends on the wedding - if a big formal affair where you will be tied into uncomfortable layers of fabric then probably not...I was 7 months and we had a lovely BBQ garden party. Loved it and wouldn't change it.

NoahVale · 19/08/2015 07:02

I dont think I would delay conception for so long. You dont have to have the family for a wedding, they could come for a party surely

ollieplimsoles · 19/08/2015 07:55

We had a simple reg office wedding and a party in a local venue afterwards. I wouldn't have liked to be at any stage of pregnancy on my wedding day as it was TOO HOT and I get dreadful sickness!

I would be too scared to hold off conceiving in case I couldn't do it so easily again

StealthPolarBear · 19/08/2015 08:00

The op already has a child/ren

cabbageleaf · 19/08/2015 08:09

If I were you, I wouldn't delay ttc. If you were in your mid-twenties, I'd say get married first, but considering your age, I definitely wouldn't wait. Just because you already have DC doesn't mean everything will go smoothly the second time around!

HungryHorace · 19/08/2015 08:09

Because I was going to be almost 36 when our wedding took place, we started trying 5 months before and I was not quite 4 weeks' pregnant on the day.

I'm an early bloater when pregnant (no keeping it secret here!), so it's a good job I wasn't any more pregnant as my dress really wouldn't have fitted. We had trouble with my larger breasts as it was!

JessieMcJessie · 19/08/2015 08:12

Can't believe nobody has mentioned drinking! I would be more concerned about not getting to enjoy the toasts properly, than feeling fat, to be honest

Original poster

Reddottys12 · 19/08/2015 09:08

Thanks all. Some mixed views but all valid!

My fear of not conceiving is definitely the overriding factor so maybe a delayed wedding, if all goes well, is the better option. I can always plan a wedding but I won't always be able to have children.

Thanks again for all your input!

OP posts:

Pedestriana · 19/08/2015 09:27

I had the same issue as Fatmomma - except that when we got married, initially neither of us wanted children, and I wasn't particularly young when we got married in the first place.

If you can't change the date of the wedding, it depends how pregnant you are willing to be (so how early you start trying to conceive). A friend of mine got married when nearly 8 months pregnant, but still had a wonderful day... she had one glass of something bubbly for the first toast then switched to juice. A good day was still had by all.

TriJo · 19/08/2015 09:49

We stopped preventing roughly 6 weeks before the wedding - got knocked up around 5-6 weeks after it!

If you're already mid-30s then you're "on the clock" a bit in terms of TTC, so I would consider that to be a little more important at this point if you want another one. Weddings can be as big or as small as you want them to be and they can be organised at pretty much any time.

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