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AIBU?

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Original poster

To divorce DH for snoring?

35 replies

chicaguapa · 19/08/2015 00:22

I had congratulated myself on marrying someone who didn't snore. Now, after 15 years of being together, DH has starting snoring. I feel like I have been tricked. Angry

Is there any hope or is separate rooms (or divorce) the only answer? Is it an age thing (his snoring, not my intolerance Wink)?

I really cannot bear it. It makes me feel stabby.

OP posts:
radiogaagaagaagaa · 19/08/2015 07:32

has he put on weight?

Does he have a sinus issue?

think divorce is a tad premature.

how about looking up snoring on the internet and trying some of the simple suggestions?

lanbro · 19/08/2015 07:41

I feel your pain, I spent last night on the sofa cushions on the living room floor!

Dh is the worst when he's had a drink or is really exhausted, shoving him on to his side often helps but usually leaving the room is my best option. My df has snored for years and none of the stop snoring aids have ever helped, DM often sleeps in the spare room. Earplugs?

LookARandomName · 19/08/2015 10:09

You're kidding, right? (on the divorce thing)

I'm a husband who snores. My wife and I have lived together for ten years, out of which we've probably spent six months in the same bed. My snoring is thanks to various factors which will see little improvement without surgery, and the surgery involved is extremely painful and has a high failure rate, and even if it does succeed it normally "reverts" back to how it was after about a year or so.

Other things we've tried - accupressure rings, MADs, steroids, nasal strips, sleeping on my side, propping up my head, ear plugs - don't seem to have worked. I've probably easily spent hundreds of pounds on remedies. The last doctor I saw (about a month ago) suggested it was because I was overweight, which is rubbish because even though I am slightly overweight, I've been snoring for years - back when I was severely underweight.

To consider divorce - do you even love him? We snorers can't control our snoring, and can't always do something about it. To feel as if he's "tricked" you... it's things like this that get me down, why I sometimes feel as if I've failed my wife because I snore, and maybe she should leave me and find someone she can share a bed with. She wouldn't do that, of course - we did take the "in sickness and in health" vow.

Why not talk to him about it?

JamNan · 19/08/2015 10:34

Ask your GP for a referral to a Sleep Clinic. Snoring and sleep apnoea can be dangerous to health.

I feel your pain OP. DP has a Continuous Positive Airway Pressure (CPAP machine) and it helps him breathe properly. Life was purgatory until he got help.

link here

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 19/08/2015 10:36

Hubby kicked me out last night for snoring ... cheaper than a divorce!

maybebabybee · 19/08/2015 10:45

Look I really don't think the OP was genuinely suggesting she was going to get a divorce because of this...

MrsTedCrilly · 19/08/2015 10:50

Urgh I feel your pain. We have a sleeping baby next to us so when DP starts snoring I am doubley annoyed! But not at him really, he can't control it can he? Thankfully baby rarely wakes up from it and I just use earplugs and get him to face away from me, involving much prodding Grin

Original poster
chicaguapa · 19/08/2015 20:48

Thanks all. Just venting really. I wouldn't really divorce him for snoring. Though I might stab him. Wink

OP posts:
HaydeeofMonteCristo · 19/08/2015 21:38

Dh snores really badly - loudly and in an uneven non-rhythmic way which is impossible to zone out.

Makes me feel stabby too. It's annoying even if you are awake (I.e. Planning to stay awake) tbh.

TalkinPeace · 19/08/2015 21:43

I am the snorer in our house.
Before I lost weight - when it was worse - DH regularly slept in teh spare room.
At my worst I was so loud I could wake myself up as well as everybody else.

Things that make it worse

  • being overweight
  • drinking alcohol
  • the room being too warm
  • shoulders being too cold

Things that might help

  • deal with each of the above
  • have a tissue soaked in olbas oil tucked into his pillow case
  • surgery : drastic but was essential in my case
  • nasal strips : its taken me several tries but I have found a brand that reduces the apnoea and thus the snoring

but do get him to see a doctor because if this is a new thing there may be an underlying medical issue

Hassled · 19/08/2015 21:47

Separate rooms is the only way, if you have the space. Separate rooms is all that has stopped me losing my mind with exhaustion - I just could not cope with the constant sleep disruption of lying next to a snorer. I felt like I never, ever got into a deep sleep because the noise was always there - it's tortuous. I was hysterical with tiredness at times.

Boxoffrogs123 · 19/08/2015 22:05

I just find a good hard kick helps. Doesn't solve the problem but makes me feel a whole lot better.
No solution at all just venting !

asilverraindrop · 19/08/2015 22:07

My husband thought he was suffering with memory loss until he was diagnosed with sleep apnoea and given a CPAP machine. His lifelong hideous snoring was "cured". Amazing machine, so recommend diagnosis to any other snorers or victims out there :)

Hoplikeabunny · 19/08/2015 22:10

I totally feel your pain and would happily throw my DH out of the window at 2am when I can't sleep and he's foghorning away next to me. Last night it was so bad that by 3am I still hadn't had a wink of sleep, so I went to sleep in 2yo DS bed...until he chucked me out at 3:30 Sad

If we had a spare room then we'd happily have separate rooms, but unfortunately that's not possible at the moment until we can afford an extension. ARGH!

Muchtoomuchtodo · 19/08/2015 22:14

My DH snores too. He is a bit over weight, but snored just as badly when he wasn't.

He's tried nasal strips, olbas oil, had a mouth guard made by his dentist. Nothing works.

I can wear Earplugs with limited success but they make my ears hurt after 2 or 3 nights.

I'm at my wits end. It's worse if he's had a few drinks or has a cold, he'll often go to sleep in the spare room then. My worry is that we've booked our first long haul holiday since having dc next year. We'll all (4) be sleeping (or trying to) in one room. If DH's snoring disturbs the rest of us it could be a miserable fortnight. TBH I'd rather go wothout him, but that's not going to happen.

I wish I knew how to improve things. Sad

TalkinPeace · 19/08/2015 22:16

Muchtoo
Does alcohol intake affect it?

Could he lose some weight and tone up his neck and shoulder muscles before your flight so that his soft palette vibrates less (which is what snoring is)

thenightsky · 19/08/2015 22:27

everything hassled said. I feel angry and frustrated just reading this thread. I've endured 35 years of snoring. If we go away on holiday and I know I have to do a lot of driving, I book a single room away from him. I nearly crashed into a lorry once in France after 2 nights of getting only about 40 mins of decent sleep.

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 19/08/2015 22:37

Perfectly fair!

But maybe try some other things first?

Separate rooms
Radio/ music on?

Change of diet/alcohol
Extra/less pillows

If they all fail, then divorce it will have to be.

Fyaral · 19/08/2015 23:20

I chose not to see a guy again who was great and gave me the best sex I ever had because he snored like a foghorn. No suggestions but abject sympathy. I would find it very difficult to cope.

FithColumnist · 20/08/2015 16:25

LTB.

There really is no alternative. Otherwise it will inevitably develop into a horrific murder-suicide bloodbath and you'll end up with your name in the Daily Mail.

Sistedtwister · 20/08/2015 20:13

I feel your pain. DH is thankfully a sporadic snorer but went out with the lads last night. I started a new job this week and I'm knackered still feel like I've blagged it and a bit stressed. I could have cheerfully strangled him at 3am

Muchtoomuchtodo · 20/08/2015 21:28

I typed a long reply before last night's problems started.

Yes Talk. He is worse if he's had a drink. I think losing some weight wouldn't be a bad idea but getting him to exercise is easier said than done!

Any tips for neck toning?

HippyDippyRidingPretty · 20/08/2015 21:57

Dp snores and I find a sharp push usually gets him to stop for long enough for me to get back to sleep.

Although when I suffer from imsommia and I have a constant reminder that he is fast asleep and I'm not, it does make me a bit stabby!

Original poster
chicaguapa · 21/08/2015 22:15

There really is no alternative. Otherwise it will inevitably develop into a horrific murder-suicide bloodbath and you'll end up with your name in the Daily Mail.

Thanks all. It is a recent thing so I'll take the advice for him to see a doctor to check if there's an underlying condition.

Will hang in there. Grin

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · 21/08/2015 22:22

I have often wondered at 2am if you would go to prison for smothering a snoring husband.
It is just one of the most stress inducing things. Sleep deprivation would make anyone homicidal. I try and explain to him that it's like me sitting in bed poking him in the head really hard every 20 seconds so you NEVER sleep.
DH is worse when drunk/dehydrated. On his back. In new beds.
Nasal strips and steroid nose spray make a massive difference.
I do wish he'd lose some weight as I think it would help.
I also wish, wish, wish we had a spare room.