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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in wanting to hit this father on the head with plastic spade?

42 replies

bananaandcustard · 18/08/2015 18:28

In Cornwall on beach ( btw didnt need to wear new raincoat, beautiful weather here) sitting watching families on happy , sunny day.

Beautiful red haired baby of about 13 months, crawls up to her dad and older brother laughing and smiling in delight at her own progress across the sand.
Daddy is making some sand castles, which is fair enough, its part of the experience. Older brother about 5 yrs is standing, spade in hand watching Daddy intently.
Baby grabs hold of a bucket, looks in it and waves it above head laughing, Daddy looks up, frowns and calls for his wife (who has only just returned from chasing after swift footed middle child of about 2/3yrs ) and tells her to take the baby away as she is going damage the castles.

Baby is removed, screeching loudly.
Daddy returns to castle making. After 5 mins he briefly explains to son the correct way to form a moat with his spade and hand, and son is allowed, finally to take part in the fun.

As the afternoon goes on mum is looking after the younger children, while older son awaits his instruction to be included in sand castle making by his father. Father enjoys himself very much playing the sand.
I suspect that father wasnt allowed to play with sand much as a child, and is enjoying himself while mentally patting himself on the back for 'playing' with his children.

I really, really, want to hit him smartly with a plastic spade on the side of his head.

AIBU?

OP posts:

SurlyCue · 18/08/2015 18:31

i laughed reading this!

He's one of those ones. Unfortunately so am I. So i just stay out of the sand castle process altogether and let the DCs make it as shit as they like same with baking.

SevenSeconds · 18/08/2015 18:33

Do it do it

MadamArcatiAgain · 18/08/2015 18:34

What exactly do you have a problem with?

SaucyJack · 18/08/2015 18:35

Is the older child enjoying it?

BobnJean · 18/08/2015 18:36

Bet he glues his kid's Lego models together...

MadamArcatiAgain · 18/08/2015 18:37

surely they would have built their own sandcastles had they wanted to? Seeing their dad all enthusiastic about building is probably the best way to encourage them to build their own? Or do you think they shoulkd have taken over the dad's? then it wouldn't be their own work.I am with the dad on this!

paulapompom · 18/08/2015 18:37

Did he have any little paper flags to put on the turrets to finish off
his -own- child's achievement?

AuntyMag10 · 18/08/2015 18:37

Oh beak out will you? You think this man is doing this as payback
Seems like you are bored.

DeeWe · 18/08/2015 18:39

How do you know the older one hasn't requested "one of your brilliant castles daddy"?

Dh does ball runs out of sand, and although he's happy to get the dc to do it with him they tend to stand in excitement and awe while he does it.
I'd be removing a crawling one from it anyway as they're going to spoil it very easily much to the older ones' misery.

redcaryellowcar · 18/08/2015 18:39

^^ this, he's a lego movie dad!

Original poster

bananaandcustard · 18/08/2015 18:41

I admire the older child very much. He obviously adores his father, and waits calmly for the instructions and his turn to play with the sand. There is little conversation between them, as father is equally intent on the formation of his castles, (which imo could be done better) rather than jointly deciding how this construction should be created.

It is like the roles are reversed, son is the father waiting patiently and the father is the son who hasnt learned to share or play together with adults or peers.

OP posts:

tigermoth · 18/08/2015 18:42

No you are not being unreasonable. He was making sand castles all afternoon you say! Wow.

Maybe he's a builder by profession?

LaurieFairyCake · 18/08/2015 18:45

I'm with him

Who wants a little kid to ruin your castle building

He's lucky he's allowed to watch

MokunMokun · 18/08/2015 18:52

You should have walked past said "Wow, that's really good for a 5 year old".

JassyRadlett · 18/08/2015 18:57

Oh beak out will you? You think this man is doing this as payback

Where on earth did you get that from?

Not unusual for parents to get so over involved in their kids' projects or play that the kids end up being excluded. Not so fun for the kids who want to get involved...

DeeWe · 18/08/2015 18:59

And if the kid was that bothered they'd go a little distance away and make their own.

MadamArcatiAgain · 18/08/2015 19:00

Not unusual for parents to get so over involved in their kids' projects or play that the kids end up being excluded.*

Who says it was the kid's project? Seriously? Did I miss a law being passed on age restrictions for sandcastle building? There are adult competions in it.

Original poster

bananaandcustard · 18/08/2015 19:03

No one as yet has picked up on the fact that mum is doing all the hard work here?
who do you think took the middle child to the toilet?
who attempted between chasing /catching middle child to rock over tired infant to sleep?

who never sat down?

who never got any 'quality' time with her children or the chance to pee without a child present ?

but never mind folks, daddy was happy building his sand castles!

OP posts:

SaucyJack · 18/08/2015 19:06

You missed the law that says everything must be all about the children at all of the time.

petalsandstars · 18/08/2015 19:11

I'm with you OP - would be very posed off if on a family day out / holiday DH just played with easy older child leaving me with more time/labour intensive DC.

Unless that was prearranged in advance and he was taking the little ones another day - have done this kind of negotiations before!

SurlyCue · 18/08/2015 19:13

I admire the older child very much

I thought you were starting to sound a bit weird/over involved with this^^ comment but having just read your latest i think you should move far away from this family and perhaps look for some sudoku puzzles to do. They are probably a bit freaked out now!

SurlyCue · 18/08/2015 19:15

For all we know dad is SAHD and 5YO is going back to school next week so he arranged with mum to have smaller DC so they can get some 1:1 before the summer is out. Not all women are being dumped on by their DH.

JassyRadlett · 18/08/2015 19:16

Who says it was the kid's project? Seriously? Did I miss a law being passed on age restrictions for sandcastle building? There are adult competions in it.

Silly, silly me. I made the foolish assumption that when families go to beach on holiday, that interacting as a family is often the norm. Forgot about the special snowflake men who can't put themselves out or play second fiddle to their kids.

As the OP points out, the mother was doing plenty of interacting with the children...

DeeWe · 18/08/2015 19:17

I hate playing with sand. I'd probably have sneaked a drink/ice cream when I took middle dc to the toilet. Then when we got home I'd tell dh that he'd spent time with the older one so he was settling the younger ones. Much harder than putting dc1 to bed. I'd probably manage to get him cooking and washing up on the basis of the fun in the sand he had too. That would be exacly what I would choose.

RaskolnikovsGarret · 18/08/2015 19:59

I agree OP. Dad sounds like a selfish tool, doing the fun aspects of parenting (whilst depriving son of any fun) whilst the Mum does all the hard work. So annoying. I've seen this type of parent around myself. I bet he thinks he's a fantastic father.

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