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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Stealth boasting?

86 replies

CruCru · 18/08/2015 17:24

I wonder if we could have a "definition" of stealth boasting. I keep seeing accusations of it which I think are unwarranted.

My interpretation is, "while sitting on a gold chair in my luxury apartment in number one Hyde Park, my husband said he wanted to watch a different channel on the telly" is stealth boasting because it isn't relevant to the issue.

However, "as my house is very slightly larger, my I laws have decided that they are going to sell their house and move in with us" would not be stealth boasting as the size of house is relevant.

OP posts:

MyNewAccount · 18/08/2015 22:48

I think the higher education threads are prime ground for stealth boasting there are a zillion agnsty threads about Oxbridge, Warwick, Durham and the like but almost none about middle or lower tariff uni's.

muminthecity · 18/08/2015 23:19

I do the opposite - I'm so worried about being accused of boasting that I never ever mention any of mine or DD's achievements. Even though we both have loads cos we're both pretty fucking fabulous .

tomatodizzymum · 18/08/2015 23:26

I didn't get past the cherry bakewell vodka. Witch you look fab!

WicksEnd · 19/08/2015 00:19

I just wish Heston would keep the noise down while he's knocking up another 3 dozen bottles of it in my kitchen.

Quiet Heston!

BertrandRussell · 19/08/2015 00:30

My favourites are the "I've just found out that ds is at something called "level 5" He's in year 2- is this good or bad?"

AcrossthePond55 · 19/08/2015 00:34

Christina

You caught me. And a magnificent fringe it is!!! Humbly speaking, of course!

Fatmomma99 · 19/08/2015 00:46

lol at this thread. I wish I was as stylish as the beautiful ladeee who posted her pic. And still giggling at the "Quiet, Heston!"

Sadly, I have nothing to boast about in my sad, beautiful, roomy house in the Home Counties, with my successful, well-paid DH, who wastes all his money on gifts for me to express his appreciation of my perfectness as a wife and mother and my stunning and well-adjusted, popular children, who achieve in sports as well as academically.

MidniteScribbler · 19/08/2015 00:53

I think when it's irrelevant info is a stealth boast - 'AIBU to be fed up with my council house neighbour parking their old bomb car in front of my 10 bedroom mansion when I want to park my brand new ferrari there?' Whereas 'AIBU to be fed up with my neighbour parking their car in front of my house when they have space in front of their own' would illicit the same discussions. (Just a random example!)

I do get annoyed when someone comments on a thread with relevant information such as they mention they are a landlord (not in a 'well I own six properties and you are just poor suckers paying for my retirement' way, but as in 'well as a landlord, I can tell you that the law states that you must give x amount of notice') and then they get called all sorts of names for daring to own a rental property. The reality is that people have different circumstances, and this board is full of people from all walks of life, so it's natural that some will be in a different financial position than others. This is a website for random chatter, and lots of totally irrelevant conversations. It's not life and death, and jumping down someone's throat 'oh you're lucky that you have a car to take your kids to four different schools at the same start time every morning, when I was a kid we had to walk through snow that was higher than my head in shorts because we couldn't afford long pants' is what annoys me more than the stealth boasting.

x2boys · 19/08/2015 08:47

There is a lot of stealth boasting on the education type threads such aibu to think people should stop posting on facebook how well their dc are doing at school ?I would never dream of posting that little johnnie has just read the entire works of shakespear in a week and predicted to get an a*in his maths gcse even though he is only three!

itsraininginbaltimore · 19/08/2015 09:02

I think your definition of SB is absolutely correct OP but loads of people on here will accuse anyone of SB when it's just plain old bare faced boasting, or even when it's not boasting at all and the poster just happens to say something entirely relevant that makes someone envious.

Lurkedforever1 · 19/08/2015 09:19

The recent one about gaining weight was an example of people saying stealth boast when it wasn't. Op did still have a figure many would envy, however it wasn't as slim as op was used to and she preferred being slimmer. Therefore because some people were envious they jumped to the conclusion it was stealth boasting. And being envious of someone isn't a good enough reason to decide it must be boasting when it is mentioned in a relevant context.
I've also noticed there is a tendency to assume only overweight people are 'allowed' to have self esteem issues. Likewise only people with children struggling at school can discuss education issues they may have without worrying someone will accuse them of boasting. As long as the info is relevant imo it's not boasting.

slightlyconfused85 · 19/08/2015 09:21

If you dare to mention your
Child is good at something - that's apparently stealth boasting

Sparklingbrook · 19/08/2015 09:23

If you just come right out and say your child is good at something, then there's not stealth though. It's just boasting.

Depends on context though.

MidniteScribbler · 19/08/2015 09:47

There's a difference between 'Little Johnny just aced his exams and we can't decide between Oxford and Cambridge, even though he's only five' and 'My son is currently achieving x level and I'm concerned because the teacher is not extending him in class and just gets him to colour in when he finishes, which is often ahead of other pupils. How can I approach this with the school." The seconding is a legitimate parenting concern.

BertrandRussell · 19/08/2015 10:05

A couple of times I've been bursting with pride at something one of my children has done, and I've just plain boasted! And people have been lovely.

MyNewAccount · 19/08/2015 10:13

MidnightScribbler
There's a difference between 'Little Johnny just aced his exams and we can't decide between Oxford and Cambridge, even though he's only five' and 'My son is currently achieving x level and I'm concerned because the teacher is not extending him in class and just gets him to colour in when he finishes, which is often ahead of other pupils. How can I approach this with the school." The seconding is a legitimate parenting concern

Haha, no the difference is that the second poster is much better at stealth boasting

Only joking

Has anyone else noticed a lovely poster who gives updates on the daughters dancing career. I am always delighted when she posts even though they are unashamedly proud Mum posts. I think it's the honest way she does it. I love how delighted she is and I am delighted for her.

Nolim · 19/08/2015 10:25

I am ok with open boasting as long as it is about positives not negatives.

"I am so proud of my dd, she dances beautifully!" Ok
"I am so proud of my dd, she dances way better than her clumsy classmates!" Not ok. But at least honest and not stealth.

HappenstanceMarmite · 19/08/2015 10:29

Stealth boasting is boasting by sneaking in under the radar in the guise of complaining about something. Example: (from a very dear friend who has this irritating tendency). She will sigh and say "the bloody Range Rover is in for service, which means I have to pick up the horses' hay in DH's Porsche and it is just not built for that sort of thing".

WitchofScots · 19/08/2015 10:30

tomatodizzy thank you, it must be because my personal stylist has worked for so many stars that she's an expert and she likes a challenge but that isn't in the spirit of stealth boasting now is it?

HawkEyeTheNoo · 19/08/2015 12:11

I'm having a right good laugh at this thread and last week I was going to post as a laugh what happened when DP got a free sample of Xavier from Aldi "DP brought caviar home and I didn't like it, the cat turned her nose up at it. So what do you do with left over caviar?"

HawkEyeTheNoo · 19/08/2015 12:12

CAVIAR!! He didn't bring home one of the X-men!!!

Christinayanglah · 19/08/2015 12:35

Hawk eye

You are so lucky that bloody Hugh Jackman is always coming over, asking me for training tips. My husband , Thor, is getting fed up with it and is threatening to swing his hammer about, which is huge by the way

HawkEyeTheNoo · 19/08/2015 12:49

Ha ha Christina! That's a stealth boast if ever I heard one!!! Bloody Hugh Jackman!!!

Christinayanglah · 19/08/2015 12:54

WitchofScots · 19/08/2015 12:58

Hugh Jackman never comes here, I think the 3 mile long drive and ornate gold gates put him off. Never mind it's his loss

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