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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sleep when the baby sleeps

32 replies

Pyjamaramadrama · 18/08/2015 12:36

Aibu to get really irritated when people say sleep when the baby sleeps.

How is it possible to this this enough to catch up?

I'm probably getting around 5 hours with ds2 atm. He's waking around every 2.5 hours and at times taking ages to go back to sleep by which point I'm wide awake.

He's difficult to settle during the day and usually does so while I'm out shopping or something, he's a really light sleeper too, the slightest noise wakes him.

The times when he is sleeping I'm having to do essentials round the house, washing, washing bottles, eating, showering, grabbing a moment with ds1. People say leave the housework but I'm keeping it tidy and ticking over I'm not exactly ironing the tea towels.

The times I do decide to have a sleep he wakes up within 10 minutes or the door goes or the phone rings.

It was easier with ds1 who slept all the time, was happy to sit in his chair and I could live on eating sandwiches at 9pm.

OP posts:
Needaninsight · 18/08/2015 12:40

This advice only applies to those first time mothers!!!! Obviously!

I had a 17month old old when my next one arrived, so I could hardly sleep when the newborn was sleeping or I'd have left a toddler unsupervised.

It is however advice I do insist that my friends (with just the one) follow instead of stupidly tidying etc like I did! One baby is easy. Two, not so much.

Only people who have forgotten how much harder it is with no 2/3 etc to do this will offer this as advice.

DeandraReynolds · 18/08/2015 12:41

It is harder with the second one. Do you have a swing? Great if the baby likes motion to sleep.

I didn't really sleep in the day with DS2 but I kept him in bed with me at night for the first couple of months so at least got some sleep that way.

Birdsgottafly · 18/08/2015 12:46

I slept when mine did and I sleep when I have my GD, it's the only way I coped, even an extra ten minutes made a difference.

There isn't an answer, some babies don't sleep for a couple of years, plan to be knackered and if your not, it's a bonus.

I say it meaning ignore the unnecessary housework, at 6-8 months, you can get more done.

Your first is a shock and you can get caught up in the seeming never ending cycle, when six months is really a short space of time.

It's easier if you go with the baby's flow and don't overload yourself.

It angers me when Mums don't have positive support and aren't told how well they are doing and I see it a lot.

It can be a tough time.

Original poster
Pyjamaramadrama · 18/08/2015 12:49

Yes we have a lovely comfy swing, he mostly hates it. The only way I can get him to sleep in it is draping a blanket over the toy bar.

He's a baby who will go into a seemingly deep sleep only to wake up 5 minutes later screaming.

Last night wasn't a great night, he settled on my bed, I was waiting in for a parcel, finally decided to give up and have a doze and the parcel turned up. Then ds1 starts thundering around the house, can't blame him really he's been on minecraft all morning.

Ds2 currently asleep on my shoulder. If i put him down i guarantee he will wake up, at least this way he's getting sleep and I'm getting quiet time. I'd be happy to co sleep but he seems to be even worse in our bed. He seems to sleep best with minimal stimulation, dark room, dummy in and his nose being stroked.

OP posts:
littlejohnnydory · 18/08/2015 12:52

I've never managed it. It only works if it's a first baby and one that naps during the day rather than just sleeping in a sling or pushchair out and about.

Jollyphonics · 18/08/2015 12:52

I agree OP. I think it was the most pointless piece of advice I was given.

waxweasel · 18/08/2015 13:20

This used to make me MURDEROUS. Like I wouldn't sleep if I had half a chance? DD would only sleep in the sling, with me walking round and round, and for max 15 mins at a time. Feed, change, repeat. I would have killed for a sit down, never mind a motherfucking nap.
Am pg with DC2 and I swear I will boil my head if this one is as high needs.

happymummyone · 18/08/2015 13:25

I found this advice useless as a first time parent. I couldn't switch off the need to not live in a shit-tip, on the rare occasions DD would let me put her down, I couldn't relax knowing there was washing up in the sink or a bathroom that needed cleaning. I'm due with my next one soon and feel I'm going to have to let it slide a bit this time, but sleeping will still not be possible due to DD.

MummaGiles · 18/08/2015 13:30

I'm a FTM, my son is about 7 months old, and I have maybe slept when he has been sleeping through the day twice. I am a terrible napper and would feel worse and groggy if I tried.

Lurkedforever1 · 18/08/2015 13:31

I found it stupid as a lone parent even with just the one. Think my hv was of the opinion all new mums should sit around in pjs all day for the first few months. Not that there's anything wrong if you actually need to, but hardly the general aim.

Original poster
Pyjamaramadrama · 18/08/2015 13:32

The trouble is if you let the house go then it just builds up and up. Surely it's better to do little bits or you'll just be left with hours to catch up on.

Plus I've got to eat, I've got to feed ds1, I have to wash and sterilise bottles, wash the clothes and put them away. They might be 10 minute jobs but they need doing every day.

OP posts:
meglet · 18/08/2015 13:33

yanbu. It never even worked with my first. as soon as he napped I needed to eat and at least scrape the bare minimum of laundry and picking up crap. I was too stressed to sleep too.

museumum · 18/08/2015 13:37

Ime it doesn't work till the baby is old enough for 1-2 linger naps. I couldn't do it with a newborn. By the time he was asleep there wasn't enough time for me to drop off and get a nap before he woke. It made me feel worse - like when you're trying not to nod off on a train and keep starting awake. Horrible. I preferred to power through them have my dh take charge for an hour while I grabbed a proper nap.

Ilovecrapcrafts · 18/08/2015 13:40

It's useless. Like many babies kind would only sleep out walking in their buggies in the day. I think if you are tired and they're going down in a cot for decent length naps it's so obvious that you can catch up too it really doesn't need saying?

Also, on a personal level I hate the idea it encourages women to stay in the house waiting for baby to nap so they can leap on the sofa whereas the reality is it would be better for all of them to be out getting some air and sun.

cottonTale · 18/08/2015 13:47

I'm so glad for this thread! I have a 3yo and a baby. I'd love to sleep! But the baby cries,when put down. Older dd is happy to watch TV for an hour, then she likes going out, so it's cbeebies or pushing the pram round the park.

Totality22 · 18/08/2015 14:11

I did have the occasional nap with DC1. Usually we'd go back to bed when DP left for work and have an hour - or 2 - if I was lucky. DC1 was a winter baby so I loved going back to bed when he was weeny, even if we didn't nap.

Like others say I didn't have that luxury with DC2 otherwise DC1 would be left fending for himself. My second child is a catnapper as well and rarely has a significant sleep in the daytime nor does she fucking sleep at night

I'm very tired!

NickyEds · 18/08/2015 14:26

YANBU. I have a 4 week old dd and a 20 month old ds. Dd cat naps in the day and is constantly woken up by ds. At night she'll really only settle in bed with me, which I hate so don't get much sleep at all. I just want to scream at people when they say to nap when they nap. As if the thought hadn't even occurred to me.
Same with the whole "leave the housework" shit. I don't want to spend all day in a filthy tip. I just don't. Ds picks stuff up of the floor and puts it in his mouth. We need clean clothes. Having a dirty kitchen is just disgusting. I've already lowered my standards as far as they'll go. Then people my sister look at you as if you're being a martyr!

Topseyt · 18/08/2015 14:33

It never worked for me, though I am generally one who cannot sleep during the day no matter what.

It is even more ridiculous advice to give to a second or third time mum. What do people think the older child or toddler will be doing whilst Mum is asleep and Dad very likely out at work?

NickyEds · 18/08/2015 14:58

Oh and I'm the same with; "Just put baby in a sling-easy!" and "let the toddler read quietly whilst you feed the baby". Just. Shut.Up.

morelikeguidelines · 18/08/2015 15:11

It's good to try to do this and not to fill all nap times with tidying, household admin etc as is tempting.

However some people just can't manage it, and it is never really enough to make up for broken nights. Also it can be very depressing for adults to be told to get their sleep in the day, especially in winter!

cottonTale · 22/08/2015 21:12

NickyEds I agree with you! If one more person tells me to read to older dc whilst feeding baby I'll go mad. CBeebies is my only entertainment whilst baby fusses around feeding.

toomuchtooold · 22/08/2015 21:46

The midwife in the hospital said that to me. I have twins Confused. I wonder if she thought they come with a bloody off switch or something!

toomuchtooold · 22/08/2015 21:49

Also, when I did manage to get my twins to nap at the same time I used the time to play Skyrim. I can't sleep in the day, and I found the lack of sleep in the night made it even harder to get to sleep - just as for babies, it's hard to fall asleep on cue when you're already short of sleep! Also if you've been sleeping 11-6 for like 20-odd years, it's not easy to suddenly adjust to catnapping - we all spend so much time and effort trying to get the babies to sleep at the "right" time but we're supposed to be miraculously able to just adjust to sleeping as and when...

HungryHorace · 22/08/2015 21:53

Ha! I didn't manage this with DD (I'm not great at napping and there was always something to do) and certainly didn't with DS who followed 13 months' later.

It's shit advice really, IMO.

bringthenoise · 22/08/2015 21:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.