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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that this is a cheek?

78 replies

Wellandtrulybaffled · 18/08/2015 09:47

I'm keeping details vague in the hope not to out myself. There's a bit of a backstory about this relative and me finding her overbearing and interfering.

I've recently had a baby, we're talking weeks old. A close relatives dd has just found out that she's the same number of weeks pregnant.

We bought new baby things and my in laws bought a travel system for the baby. The babies things weren't overly expensive but not cheap (for us) in that we saved up for what we wanted but we could afford it iyswim.

Close relative has been very sneery about the baby things being new.

Close relative has phoned me and has apparently offered her dd our babies things including the travel system. Bearing in mind our baby won't even be one when theirs is born. She's told me she'd be willing to buy the travel system but that it would be nice if we gave it to them as a gift. She also said that if I clean up the Moses basket to give then they won't even know that it's not new. She then said something along the lines of she supposes there'll be other things we can pass on too.

Now of course we would be happy to pass some things on. But, our baby will still be using the travel system, the baby is still currently sleeping in the basket and although it won't be being used in 8 months time it feels really grabby besides the fact that we haven't even discussed whether we will be keeping things for any potential next baby.

When I pointed out to relative that our baby will still be using the travel system she got really arsey.

I literally don't know what to think.

Am I wrong to think that this is madness?

OP posts:

contractor6 · 18/08/2015 12:34

YADNBU. I am due next month, before I had bought everything in may, a friend asked me to give her all my baby stuff, specifically mentioned pram (she isn't even pregnant! And they earn much much more then us!)

Janethegirl · 18/08/2015 12:46

There are some real greedy people out there, utterly unbelievable

OnlyLovers · 18/08/2015 12:48

I really disagree with the advice about damage limitation and giving her details like 'We'll be lending it/passing it on to so-and-so.' It's irrelevant. As middlings says, the premise of this assumption of hers is flawed; it's YOUR STUFF. What you do with it is YOUR BUSINESS. End of.

FenellaFellorick · 18/08/2015 12:49

I think it's really important that you say no and you give them nothing.

They cannot be allowed to think that they have the right to your belongings and if you give them anything, they will!

Oldraver · 18/08/2015 13:37

Anyone that was sneery about my choices in spending my money (and someone has to buy things new for these 'I would only get second hand' to be available) and the recipient was less than gracious in the past with a cash present..

Well they would forever be on my 'cheeky feckers not to be dealt with' list

DeeWe · 18/08/2015 13:58

Assuming you've somewhere to store it out of sight, I'd go with the line that it was already promised to someone. Except the stuff you still will be using.
A baby bath is a great container for soaking dirty clothes. Although with dd1 she used it till nearly a year as she liked the security of it. dc#3 never used it

I dif that with a family member who phoned to tell us to drop our stairgates off that morning as their pfb had done his first step(never crawled).
Not quite sure what happened to the first step but baby didn't walk for 6+months after that anyway.
We were still using one on ds' door at night, and another when we had visitors to stop babies going up the stairs. They were most put out when I said we'd passed on the spare stair gate and still used the others. over my dead body

I wouldn't have objected to being asked in a casual conversation, it was the demand of you will get in the car and deliver it 40 miles away now I really objected to.
They did it again on our baby backpack. They needed it now for a holiday. I lent them the 30+ year old one that I wasn't using and they needed to pick it up. They were most put out that I wasn't prepared to give them the (second hand to us) but modern design that I used regularly on the bus. I doubt I'd have seen it again either. They fid manage to return the old one though

My rule of thumb is f someone demands it then they're not getting their sticky paws on it

Collaborate · 18/08/2015 14:16

I would just make it clear that until you've completed your family you won't be passing anything on. There are numerous threads on here of people who have loaned baby stuff to relatives and friends expecting to get it back only to find that when they want it back it's either ruined or has been sold on.

middlings · 18/08/2015 14:24

Well that kind of advice just gets greeted by a "mm-hmm." and I move on by me. And generally that's directed towards my poor old Mum .

I've just given away some little baby stuff. Someone asked me if I regretted handing it on. Not bloody likely. You'll be delighted to get rid some day. Just not in 8 months time!

diddl · 18/08/2015 14:25

Just say no!

You don't have to justify or make excuses!

tomatodizzymum · 18/08/2015 14:27

People can ask, doesn't mean you have to give.

zoemaguire · 18/08/2015 14:35

Clearly she's a cheeky sod. But redexpat "for some people who have more money than sense it is the norm to pass things on."

Or possibly that they are just generous?! Totally fine to keep stuff or sell it, we have, but being rude about people who pass their beautiful baby stuff on for free is both bizarre and pretty unpleasant.

diddl · 18/08/2015 14:40

If it gets mentioned again tell her that what happens to your possessions is not her decision!

Purplepoodle · 18/08/2015 15:08

Wow I was still using my pram that was part of travel system when ds's were 3 as they couldn't walk long distances. Even if you did go for a buggy your looking at 100+ for a decent, comfy one.

Purplepoodle · 18/08/2015 15:10

Just reread and realised your inlaws brought it - your relative has more front that Blackpool beach

Fluffyears · 18/08/2015 15:13

I'd ask how she expected you to transport your baby?

Leeds2 · 18/08/2015 15:21

Do NOT give her a thing!

WhereYouLeftIt · 18/08/2015 15:56

I also disagree with the 'damage limitation' comment. Passing on ANYTHING will just encourage your relative (and probably her daughter, she does sound as if she's learned some attitudes from her mother) to push all the harder.

amarmai · 18/08/2015 16:16

give O to this 'sneery, grabby, snippy, arsey-' close relative ever. If you give in ,it will never end. Like we say on mn - NO!

bigbumtheory · 18/08/2015 19:27

Cheeky and rude, acting like she's doing you a favor.

"Thanks but we'd put on ebay if we decided to sell it. We're keeping it until we decide we don't want any more DC."

Doesn't matter if you just want 1 none of her business to know.

bigbumtheory · 18/08/2015 19:29

Wow, like mother like daughter- fucking rude! I wouldn't be giving that brat any more presents!

GooodMythicalMorning · 18/08/2015 19:32

Cheeky person for asking! I used the same travel system for all of mine. Just say no sorry. I will be using it and wish to keep it for future use.

Gooseberrycrumble2 · 18/08/2015 19:43

I would text the DD saying 'hi x. I was a bit surprised to hear that x has offered lots of my baby things to you. We might have the odd outfit but not bigger stuff sorry'

aprilanne · 18/08/2015 20:00

what a cheek if this is your first baby you might want to keep them for the next 5 for all she knows .my mil asked me back my shawl to give to sil/bil .bacause it would be a family name shawl .i told her to get bloody lost .your little one will still be a baby .

LoveChickens · 18/08/2015 20:13

That is utterly bizarre.

babybat · 18/08/2015 20:14

If anyone behaved in such an entitled way with me I wouldn't lend them anything, and the only present they'd be getting when the baby arrived would be a bog standard pack of Tesco babygrows.

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