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AIBU for being sick of the different rules for SN dc?

37 replies

Peppasmate · 17/08/2015 23:34

I have 2 DS diagnosed with ASD & ADHD. They are 10 & 7.

DS 10 was 7 when he went to school full time. He started school in mainstream but owas excluded on a number of occasions from nursery until Yr 1 when he was permanently excluded & placed in a PRU... He eventually was placed in an AS school.

Younger son is less affected but was excluded in YR 2 at Easter from mainstream.
He's been out of school since. LEA promised he would be placed in an AS school this coming September (he's going into Yr3). To date I have had no notification or response from the LEA so no idea if he or where he will be going to school.

Can you imagine how stressful it is?
Can you imagine if I refused to send him to school?
Imagine if an NT child was left out of school until juniors...
I'm absolutely exhausted & sick to death of dealing with the LEA/Parent Partnership etc.

OP posts:

DisappointedOne · 17/08/2015 23:37

There's a reason a high proportion of ASD children are homeschooled. Wink


Griphook · 17/08/2015 23:38

No that's utter shit, and it really isn't acceptable. I have no advice, but am here to listen.


quietasamouse · 17/08/2015 23:39

No, you are certainly not being unreasonable to feel totally sick to death with that.

The stress must be hideous. No child or parent needs that worry.

I really hope something suitable gets sorted for you soon.


ouryve · 17/08/2015 23:40

LA have a legal duty to provide your DS with a suitable education

Does he have a statement/EHCP?


tethersend · 17/08/2015 23:44

The rules are not different- the LA are simply breaking them.

Your DS is entitled to 25hours of education per week and, since he has been permanently excluded, the LA is responsible for providing it, even if it is home tuition.

Write to your DS's SEN caseworker an ask what provision will be put in place to meet this legal requirement while he is waiting for a school place. If no suitable school place can be found , then they should provide tuition.

Have they offered anything at all?


dietcokemonster · 17/08/2015 23:45

This is entirely unacceptable. Recommend contacting mp as they will know the best routes for challenging this, and also the local govt ombudsman:


dietcokemonster · 17/08/2015 23:46

Would also want to know more about the exclusions and legality of those in the first place - i am a teacher and my understanding is that it's unacceptable to exclude a child with Sen without seriously strong grounds - don't think our school would risk it even if valid.


tethersend · 17/08/2015 23:51

I have assumed two things:

That got DS has a statement of SEN

That he was permanently excluded from school in April

Is that the case?


tethersend · 17/08/2015 23:52

*your DS


Peppasmate · 18/08/2015 00:07

Oh the mainstream school were well within their right to exclude him. I was waiting for the day he seriously injured himself, another child or member of staff. He had 1-1 but there was no proper understanding of ASD or ADHD. Think sticking plaster on a broken neck type of scenario!

His EHCP still isnt complete...Angry

Our MP doesn't give a shiny shite about people like us. Don't even respond to my emails or letters.

I don't want to home school my d's. I want him to go to school. I want him to have regular SALT, OT & therapies. As well i want him to interact with people. He's 7. Hes like a hermit. He avoids going out. He has severe anxiety. I'm talking self harming, OCD & regular talks of suicide.
He needs professional input. I'm not what he needs.

I need to get back to work. I need a life. I'm exhausted. I've been requesting since he was diagnosed in May, to be assessed for respite. I'm still waiting!
The SEN caseworker is as slippery as a snake. He's put d's on the waiting list for a home tutor. He told me it seems unlikely d's will get more then 10 hours a week tutoring. I also have an 18 month old. And no separate room for a tutor to use.

There's no legal aid. I have used IPSEA as they are free & very up to date with all the reforms in SEN Education Law.

I just feel so frustrated & angry. It's not good enough!Angry

OP posts:

Peppasmate · 18/08/2015 00:09

Yes he was permanently excluded in April.
He doesn't have a Statement. His EHCP should have been issued but the LEA cannot cope with the reforms so running months behind.

OP posts:

Peppasmate · 18/08/2015 00:12

I apologise for typos & grammar. I've beenup since 6am. Waiting for ds to fall asleep so I can go to bed!

OP posts:

tethersend · 18/08/2015 00:13

No it bloody isn't.

10 hours home tuition is a drop in the ocean.

Since he does not yet have an EHCP, what is to stop you applying for another mainstream school place for him? By law, the LA would have to provide one. I suspect doing this may force their hand a little.

It may actually be to his advantage that he does not yet have an EHCP, as schools can legitimately say that they cannot meet his needs. Without one, on paper your DS is just like any other child for the purposes of admissions.

Are there any schools with places available? I am not suggesting that you actually send him to the school, but that applying for a place may put you in a stronger position...


tethersend · 18/08/2015 00:14

*as with an EHCP, schools can legitimately say that they cannot meet his needs


tethersend · 18/08/2015 00:15

Has anyone mentioned the Fair Access Panel?


Peppasmate · 18/08/2015 00:21

Every school says the same things. Either they have no space In his year group (2008 baby boom in London) or they can't meet his needs.

As he doesn'thave an EHCP I sshouldbe aable toapply through the usual system but wwhen filled out the paper work i was told i should apply via the SEN system. We're slipping through the man's land!
I've met so many people with older cchildren who fall out of the system.

OP posts:

MelamineTeapot · 18/08/2015 00:21

Been there, done that. No it isn't right and no they shouldn't do it, but it happens all too often. Unless you are prepared to use all your available resources on fighting against it of course. but then parents of children with SN are usually spending that on day to day life, with a child with SN.

2 years ago I gave up wasting my time fighting against school/LEA and withdrew my 2 to home educate. I now use that precious time and energy to actually ensure my children actually get the education they are entitled to. Its hard work. We have taken a huge financial hit, but I don't regret it for a minute.

You have my sympathy OP.


Peppasmate · 18/08/2015 00:22

No, what's The Fair Access Panel?

OP posts:

Fatmomma99 · 18/08/2015 00:28

Sorry that you're obviously at the end of your tether Flowers

You need to MAKE A NOISE. It's not right, but the loudest people DO get heard, so be a 'loud' person. Huff and puff. Threaten the local press, twitter, FB, etc.

Your local authority is failing in their legal duty, hence they are acting illegally. Remind them of this - loudly!. I'm sorry PP is letting you down (I volunteer for them where I live, so I know how great they can be, but they are all just volunteers). Please do go back to them

Your DC have a right to an education.

I'm so sorry for what you are going through!

Please keep fighting. X to you.


dietcokemonster · 18/08/2015 07:51

What borough are you in can I ask?


Iamatotalandutteridiot · 18/08/2015 07:58

No advice... but I totally hear you!!

My DS (HFA dx) was excluded from 4 nurseries and school by the age of 4!! I actually deregistered him, because I couldn't be bothered to make his childhood one long fight.

Every single day I 'fought' was one day of his childhood gone and, even in the months we tried to make it work, I could see another little piece of my gorgeous, sensitive, wonderfully frustrating little boy disappearing.

I wish I had wiser words, as I know Home Ed isn't for all, but it was definitely the right decision for my DS.


NeedsAsockamnesty · 18/08/2015 08:05

Do you have a school in mind?

And if so can you get a SN parent advocate to force it along for you?

Around here if they drag there heals you just find the school you want wait for the, to admit mainstream won't work then force them to fund it


Iamatotalandutteridiot · 18/08/2015 08:08

Peppasmate - Sorry, I have just read that home ed isn't a long term option for you.

But one thing I'd like you to consider is a period of deschooling while you get things sorted.

My DS was 4 when I took him out of school. He had only been 'in school' for 4 weeks (he spent more time being sent home / in the HM office / walking home ALONE (OK he only did that once and it was the final straw for me but still!)

No one cared about him, he was punished for the things he couldn't do and ridiculed for the things he could. At 4, he was violent, aggressive - a danger to himself and others. I could totally see why school wasn't suitable for him. Sadly, the sticking plaster scenario was well and truly alive at our school too!!!

So, after 4 weeks (plus a summer of hell, trying various nurseries to get assessments) I took him out. Until Christmas (so 3 times as long as he'd been at school) he did nothing.

And I do mean nothing. He sat in bed, curtains drawn and played IPAD. He ate when and what he wanted, and never had to leave the house unless he wanted to.

It took me 3 months to get my son back.

Keep fighting (and as Melamineteapot said, you do have to be LOUD!!!) but maybe - just for a while - let him take the pressure off.

My DS is now a very happy 7YO... but I have to accept he is never going to socialise like my other kids. He has very few friends (actually, he no real friends) but that's fine for him. He'd prefer to spend time alone and I have to accept that this is who he is.

I haven't much advice, but always here if you want to rant :-)


dietcokemonster · 18/08/2015 08:10

The panel is something all boroughs must run to ensure that all children receive a school place - Google borough name and fair acces panel. I agree with pp you need to make noise. Sorry mp hopeless, would try education secretary, select committee, pm etc - sounds like huge effort but draft one good letter and cut and paste different addresses. Write to tell mp you are doing this or even better attend one of his or her surgeries to explain how desperate this is. Sounds mad but used to work at department for education and although response will take weeks writing regularly and flagging that your rights are not being met by la will set wheels turning and get more attention and progress for your case.


Phineyj · 18/08/2015 08:13

Can you go to an MP surgery? So they can see what you are dealing with?

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