To feel sorry for my mum

[FlowersAndShit]

I recently moved out, and my mum is fed up because my stepfather is a tight bastard. I used to buy the shopping, but now i've moved out it's between my mum and stepdad. My mum is terrible with money, but her husband will take £400 of her wages each month (she earns 1200 a month) to pay for the bills. He says this is fair because he pays for their very active social life (they go out to eat/drink 4-5 times a week).

However, stepdad is a tight miser where household essentials etc is concerned. He'll happily spend a shit ton of money on booze and eating out (he's a functioning alcoholic). My mother is depressed because once her money runs out, he won't buy the shopping/essentials. I had to buy bread and milk this week because my mum doesn't have any money and fuckface doesn't care.

He comes home at dinner time and expects her to put together a meal with just frozen veg in the freezeer, the odd bit of breaded fish and possibly pasta/chips. They have no toilet paper, because apparently my mum is using too much and should only be using two squares to wipe herself. He said he'd happily use newspaper instead of wasting money on toilet paper.

AIBU or is my stepdad a tight bastard?

OP, I'm not sure if you're getting the right amount of LHA. £55 sounds very low. I know if you're under 35 you're restricted to the shared accomodation rate (a nightmare if you're mentally ill and have to share with strangers, I know). However, if you receive DLA care componant at higher or middle rate you should be exempt from this rule and receive the full amount for a one bed flat.

Also, DLA entitles you to a premium on your ESA if you receive middle or higher rate care.

If this is not applicable to you it's worth asking the council about Discretionary Housing Payments.

Agree with PP about your DM/stepfather. He sounds like a miser due to feeding his addiction but really she should have enough left for bread and milk.

Astounded how some people never learn, even taking out loans with no idea how to pay them back!

Thank you element. I'm on the lower rate so don't qualify for more than 55 a week. I'll look into the discretionary thing again. They wanted evidence in the form of a doctor's letter and the doctor charges £30 for it which I don't have.

ffs. I hate doctors charging for letters when the reason you need the letter is for basic living costs. I wonder if you could convince your local council to ask the GP? Mine will do letters for ESA when asked by the DWP/Atos/whoever.

What's the issue with council housing? Apart from the fact that one beds are now like unicorn tears after 'bedroom tax', and due to the same rule councils won't let singles move into two beds (even if bedroom tax is manageable compared to HB shortfall privately)... What I'm thinking is, could you go back to the council and explain your situation, don't mention the money from your mum. Because she clearly can't afford to subsidise you (partly due to poor money management, but still.) So basically you are at risk of homelessness due to rent situation. This is unlikely to bump you up the council housing list, but may spur action on the discretionary housing payment front.

Also - and I appreciate you're living on a very low income - how are your budgeting skills? If you've learnt from your mum that might not be the best example! Shortfall is £40/week which is steep, but letter from GP £30... could you save for it by scrimping and putting £5 a week away?

I hate doctors charging for letters when the reason you need the letter is for basic living costs.

I'm a GP. Rates of consultation have more than tripled in the last ten years, with very limited increases in funding. When we used to write housing letters, I would get up to 10 requests a day - if I spend 10 minutes on each one, that's 10 ill people that I can't see that day. Very few of those who requested them actually had a genuine medical problem that made them higher priority for housing.

If you need to see your GP, would you rather that they are available to see you or spending their time writing letters that often make no difference?

Thanks for providing the context hedgehog. I guess I'm feeling a bit raw about it on behalf of a close friend who was told he'd need to pay £120 for a letter stating when he'd become ill! ('Genuine' and I'd had to cajole him into going to the GP...)
Gah! I suppose it's another thing that seems ridiculous because the issues are actually with everything leading up to that point... Like eg. the under 35 rule for HB, very dodgy for a lot of mentally ill people, so you have to get into social housing or houseshare regardless of circumstances (dodgy housemates etc).

was told he'd need to pay £120 for a letter stating when he'd become ill!

that sounds excessive unless it is a long report for an insurance company. For a letter saying "to whom it may concern, I can confirm that Mr Bloggs was diagnosed with x disease on y date" we'd charge £15-20. But you/I may not know the full story.