Hi I am a first time poster but my wife uses this website a lot and she has shown it too me many times and I have used it a couple times now as well.
So I need some advice and I don't want to ask friends or family because that feels wrong and I know she wouldn't like to think that I was talking about her to family behind her back.
So I am hoping some strangers on the internet can help advise me instead.
There is a bit of background to this.
Before I met my wife she was in an abusive relationship and part of that was that he wouldn't allow her to go to the doctors when she was hurt or ill unless he decided it was necessary. Also her parents didn't like taking her to the doctors and would only take her if she was really in pain otherwise they would say that she was wasting the doctors time they also used to tell her horror stories about doctors doing awful things to their patients to stop her asking to go.
All this seems to have combined and made her reluctant to see medical professionals unless she is desperate. She takes the kids if anything is wrong with them and when she was pregnant she went fine (but she did say she was going for the baby) but if its anything to do with her she just refuses to go.She also doesn't like going by herself and tends to take me or sometimes my mother if I can't go.
So she had our baby three weeks ago, she tore rather badly and lost a bit of blood and had to have a transfusion, and the baby had a few problems breathing at first so they were both kept in for a little while but they were fine in the end and came home.
Everything was fine for the first two weeks and then one night she was sitting down and she said her stomach was hurting her a bit. She stood up and went for a walk and after an hour she said it was fine and she must have been sitting strangely.
The next day in the early hours she woke up and told me that she felt sick but her stomach hurt and she didn't think she could get out of bed without being sick. I got her the sick bucket and she was sick and then a few minutes later she said she felt much better and she got up and went to brush her teeth.
Then the next day I came home from work and found her sitting on the bed shaking saying that her stomach was hurting and she had to go to A&E as I was calling my parents to come and look after the kids she was sick and then said she felt fine and she wouldn't go to the hospital anymore.
I was sitting next to her yesterday an noticed that her stomach was bloated and it was hard to touch. I asked her if she was okay and she said yes. I asked her if she wanted to ring the out-of hours number for the doctors and she said no. But I noticed she was having a bit of trouble walking and bending and picking up the baby. So I asked her again and she told me to stop asking her as I was worrying her.
This morning she has woken up with stomach pains in the lower half of her stomach. She is struggling to stand up straight and she struggled to get to our bathroom. She's shaking aging though she keeps saying it's not that bad and she looks really pale.
I want to take her to A&E but she won't go she says she doesn't want to leave the baby and she is getting really upset when I am asking to take her. I have told her I am really worried but she started crying and saying that she just has to wait and be sick again and then she will be fine but it's been hours now and I am worried but she keeps telling me that its none of my business and I need to do what she asks and respect her decision.
I am wondering now if I should just carry her to the car and make her go. But then I don't want her to hate me for forcing her but I am really worried and I would feel awful if it was something serious.
So would I be unreasonable to just take her anyway, or how can I convince her to go without forcing her.
Also if anyone thinks they might know what it is do feel free to share just to give me an idea of what it might be.
Thank you