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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re DSDs am pretty sure am not...

35 replies

Weathergames · 16/08/2015 21:33

Went camping with DSS1 (19) DS2 (13) and DSD1 (10) and 2 (8).

DSDs have a history of arguing fucking constantly. We are having counselling and issues over him not issuing any consequences to them for bad behaviour come up constantly - but comes down on my three like a tonne of bricks.

All packing up camp, my best friend there too everyone mucking in. Girls arguing so I asked them to do washing up. DSD1 moaned saying it wasn't her turn but they were doing nothing else (just watching us pack up). Started fighting over whose turn it was to carry the washing up bowl.

Five mins later they return, DSD2 has a huge bite mark (full set of teeth close to bleeding) on her arm says DSD1 did it. I ask OH to come and deal with it (I am sweeping our tent he is taking down gazebo) he says not not I will deal with it later. I flip and tell them they will be going to bed early tonight (8pm) and not watching a film.

Dinner time comes at home kids all sat at table and Disney channel on (we do not have the TV on at dinner) I question OH and suggest it's not fair in the other 4 (older) children to have to watch Disney he says "aw well the girls can't watch it later as they have to go to bed early" I question if he has a prob with how I dealt with situation and suggest in future he stops what he is doing and deals with it himself.

He then puts them to bed at 8, lets them piss about for 15 mins and lets them read for 1/2 an hour.

AIBU to think this totally pisses all over my attempt to install some boundaries?

OP posts:
spanisharmada · 16/08/2015 21:38

I don't know I'm too gobsmacked by the fact he had no interest in dealing with his DD leaving a set of teeth marks in his other DD!!!

Original poster
Weathergames · 16/08/2015 21:39

Yes. Me too.

He's returning them to their mum tonight, I hope he enjoys explaining that.

OP posts:
spanisharmada · 16/08/2015 21:39

And she's 10?!?! He really needs to step up.

Siennasun · 16/08/2015 21:39

Why did DSD2 get punished for getting bitten Confused

ollieplimsoles · 16/08/2015 21:40

Yanbu op, I feel for you,

I would step back a bit to be honest, its great you have a good relationship with your step kids, but their dad needs to deal with them a bit more firmly. When this happens again I would take yourself away from the situation and let your dh deal with it. How do you all get on with their mum?

QuiteLikely5 · 16/08/2015 21:40

I can understand your frustration but personally I would leave all that to him.

This scenario is so common on MN it's unbelievable. Every other day I see a thread similar to yours. The blokes just seem not to care or lack an understanding of the importance of installing boundaries.

Personally if I was in your shoes I would think 'Sod it, not my kids, he can deal with it all'.

I know my approach isn't for everybody but really you are, wasting your time.

Your dh is not respecting you and that's at the crux of it.

Original poster
Weathergames · 16/08/2015 21:41

She didn't the punishment was for the constant bickering.

DSD1 lied and told me DSD2 did it to herself to get her into trouble Hmm

OP posts:
notapizzaeater · 16/08/2015 21:42

How old are they ? I can't believe he wouldn't deal with it. And then to put the telly on. Missing TV isn't going to be the end of the world

Original poster
Weathergames · 16/08/2015 21:42

I get on well with their mum.

We have 6 kids so I try to have the same rules for everyone.

OP posts:
RJnomore · 16/08/2015 21:42

Yes I was going to ask that sienna. Op your dh sounds useless and you don't seem to like the girls very much, perhaps understandably, but one should have had a more severe punishment than the other here!

RJnomore · 16/08/2015 21:43

So what was the punishment for the biting then?

RJnomore · 16/08/2015 21:43

Gosh and the lying Confused

Original poster
Weathergames · 16/08/2015 21:44

When we got home I told him he needs to deal with the biting issue which he did not.

I love the girls very much I do not dislike them I am just tired from a whole week of bickering - apologies if that sounds like dislike.

OP posts:
winewolfhowls · 16/08/2015 21:47

I'm confused about which children are which. Did the ten year old do the biting? That's pretty shocking. I think if they don't get on to this degree maybe keep them separated if unsupervised. Perhaps if everyone had the same packing up job every time it might help as it is very stressful I know
Why did the bitten child get the early bedtime too?

Yanbu to think that your dp is being unsupportive and he is making a rod for his own back and yours by not being consistent or supporting your decisions.you are already having counselling but it sounds like he is not making the effort to put changes into practice?

winewolfhowls · 16/08/2015 21:49

I don't think it sounds like you dislike them I think 6 kids sounds like hard work.

GreenTee · 16/08/2015 21:52

I agree with other posters. You 'flipped' once the 8 year old was bitten and punished them both. Regardless of the bickericking I bet the poor 8 year old felt totally put out and like you wasn't dealing with the issue at all.

Saying that, it isn't really your job. I would tell your OH that he is a lazy bastard and needs to step up! Not dealing with a violent attack by the 10 year old towards her 8 year old sister 'later on' is not acceptable.

coffeeisnectar · 16/08/2015 21:54

Your dp needs to get a,bloody grip of himself and start parenting his kids.

Kids bicker, fact. 10 year olds biting is not acceptable at all.

Speak to their mum and see if you can co-ordinate rules/rewards/consequences for both homes. Then both of you kick his arse up and down the street.

Original poster
Weathergames · 16/08/2015 22:03

I have told their mum.

OP posts:
ollieplimsoles · 16/08/2015 22:06

Op you sound like a lovely step mum,

What does their mum say about the bickering, are they like this at home with her?

JustHavinABreak · 16/08/2015 22:14

Sounds like your DH landed on his feet when he met you! Not only did he absent himself from all the tough bits of parenting, but then he left it to you to explain to HIS ex what had happened to their daughter?!? You're obviously a very patient woman.

textfan · 16/08/2015 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Weathergames · 16/08/2015 22:30

I dunno if she's that great tbh - or maybe he just isn't trying to curb his behaviour.

He slags off their mum to them when he's angry it's terrible tbh - am always stepping in and removing them.

OP posts:
Griphook · 16/08/2015 22:56

Tbh your dp sounds like the problem, you all need to have the same rules for all the children in the same house.

The mums house is up to her.
If your do is treating 4 children differently to 2 others then really it's massive problem and one that needs to be talked about and rules decided upon.

Letting them watch tv because they wouldnt be able too because they were going to bed early really missed the point.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 16/08/2015 23:07

Fwiw I think you sound like a brilliant step mum and an influence the girls need in their lives. I already see the usual 'you don't sound like you like them' mumsnet crap has started. I think any sensible person would disagree.

Original poster
Weathergames · 16/08/2015 23:40

I am not brilliant. I love all 3 of them and I try my best every time they are here.

It's really hard though - but want them to have a relationship with their dad and I always sit on the back seat when they are around. He's away a lot and it's hard circle but more for them.

I consider it a work in progress Confused

OP posts: