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Early I know but Santa AIBU!

37 replies

OrangePeels · 16/08/2015 00:31


My DH and I moved abroad with our DD to the Middle East 2 years ago. My DSis is 2 years older and her and her husband can't have children and adoption hasn't worked out. My DSis struggled with us moving and didn't speak to me for 6 months after announcing we were moving. Relationships are better now but not perfect. She adores my DD and is a fantastic aunt. I'm currently 7 weeks through an 8 week visit to the UK for the summer. My DSis has had DD overnight lots and loves to spoil her (I could have an entire thread on this but never mind!) DD is the only grandchild either side.

DH came over to visit and then we went for 10 days to his parents then back at my parents for 3 days. I have less than a week left. He left this morning and DD stayed last night and tonight at DSis's house.

I saw DSis and DD today at her house with other family for a gathering after DH left. When DD was out of earshot DSis told me DD had heard her mentioning to my DH that she had given him Xmas presents to take back with him and she had asked her who they were for and why.

DSis told her that because she has no children of her own she is a santas helper and helps distribute presents for adults! She apparently hasn't met Santa she just receives a list and does as she is told then the list magically disappears. DD asked if she was on the naughty or nice list and she said nice but has to still be good to get presents. DD asked to see the list but she told her it disappears. She told her she can't tell Anyone she is a santas helper.

AIBU to think she has made things unnecessarily complicated? I'm not sure if I'm outraged or mildly bemused. My DF was annoyed but didn't say anything to her but told me he wasn't amused.

My DSis has always been Xmas mad and I do feel bad for her not having kids. Surely she could have just told DD she misheard or said it was not cans presents but my DH's birthday presents (birthday next week) or stated Santa doesn't bring adult stuff or just deferred her to me?

OP posts:

OrangePeels · 16/08/2015 00:36

DD is 5

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ncterrornc · 16/08/2015 00:37

You're being silly. It's an 'in thing' between your dd and her aunt, it's nice. My ds has a funny handshake with my dad that he is convinced Santa showed my dad and that my dad is a secret elf.


LittleBearPad · 16/08/2015 00:39

Meh. I wouldn't worry. Just let it go.

There's a Christmas topic. You will get grief for not posting in it.


SavoyCabbage · 16/08/2015 00:43

You say that your sister is two years older than you are but I can't see how old your dd is.

Your sister should have talked yo you first about the official line regarding Santa. And as a rule, I'm not keen on adults telling dc that they must keep things a secret from their parents.

But overall your sister sounds wonderful and she was just trying to do something nice. I couldn't be cross with her for it if it were me.

Children do have outside influences on them all the time. When. Y dd went to school there was this while hoo-haa about the Easter bunny. Now I have to do it every year! Talcum powder footprints and everything.


OrangePeels · 16/08/2015 00:46

Savoy Dd is 5.

I will let it go I just thought WTF! Why make it complicated?

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OrangePeels · 16/08/2015 00:48

Plus I don't like the keeping secrets thing. Even in good spirits. It just doesn't sit quite right.

Meh to the Christmas topics. It's only slightly Christmas ish Grin

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TheyreMadITellYouMaaaad · 16/08/2015 00:51

YABU and seriously over thinking it. Your dsis has just created a bit of magic for your dd, something she'll think about and wonder over for months, maybe years, and which will forever put her auntie in a special place at Christmas. It's a lovely little fantasy.


LittleBearPad · 16/08/2015 00:54

Don't let Maryz hear you say that Oranges. She's strict about the Christmas topic. Grin


OrangePeels · 16/08/2015 00:56

I don't even want to think about Christmas! It's been thrust in my face! I'm strictly a December Christmas person! Grin

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TheyreMadITellYouMaaaad · 16/08/2015 00:58

BTW nothing intrinsically wrong with secrets. Having secrets isn't necessarily bad. Our rule about secrets: if it is a good secret, a happy, comfortable secret, then it's fine to keep it. But if it's at all worrying, unhappy or upsetting, if it's an uncomfortable secret, share it with an adult. The adult will help you to decide what to do about the secret.


OrangePeels · 16/08/2015 00:58

I'll accept I'm being unreasonable but think I should have been consulted first! With the way of the world these days I probably have a Christmas or 2 of magic left sob sob sob...

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Missdee2014 · 16/08/2015 01:01

I'd say YABU, your sister sounds like a lovely auntie.


OrangePeels · 16/08/2015 01:04

TheyreMad - in a previous incarnation (namely before I moved abroad) I was a police officer. It kind of colored my view of secrets. Although I (like most) like to think
I can keep my DD safe from the evils of the world; I am sadly all too aware that "good" secrets can lead on to bad. I've always told Dd she can have secrets with other family members but must tell someone else. Eg uncle says not to tell she had extra sweets so should tell grandma. Grandma says don't tell dad she made him a birthday card so tells mum etc. Just not to tell the person the secret is from if it is a surprise or a gift etc. Maybe I'm just paranoid...

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BuyMeAPony · 16/08/2015 01:05

Just don't mention it again and DD will prob let it go. Christmas is a long time away. As you know.

I think it is unnecessarily complicated, yes YANBU. But don't dwell on it.


MitzyLeFrouf · 16/08/2015 01:06

I think it's sweet. Sounds like she was caught on the hop by your daughter and made up a story on the spot.

So many threads on MN about aunts and uncles who are indifferent to their nieces and nephews. Your daughter is lucky to be so cherished by her aunt.


MitzyLeFrouf · 16/08/2015 01:08

Also, do you really feel you might be 'outraged ' by this? Seems extreme.


MitzyLeFrouf · 16/08/2015 01:09

And another thing, why is your father so peeved about it?


OrangePeels · 16/08/2015 01:20

Mitzy I already said I'd accept AIBU. My dad is peeved as he doesn't feel it's my sister's place to make things like this up for DD. It's another complication to remember at Christmas time which should be special enough in it's own right. I said I didn't knew how to feel. Bemused is the right word.

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PerspicaciaTick · 16/08/2015 01:22

One of the hardest things about caring for small children is when they ask a thunderbolt question.
It sounds like your DSis did an excellent job of thinking on her feet. She managed to explain her role in the gift delivering without saying anything which is likely to destroy any pre-existing family Santa myths, she told DD she is nice but needs to be good too (seems a sensible balance) and has shared a lovely bit of magic with your DD.
Don't be too hard on her. Most 4yos are sharp enough to know that "You'll need to talk to your mum about it" actually means that Something Is which point their curiosity become insatiable and they go into auto-questioning mode until the adult cracks.
(And I can't understand why your DF is annoyed, or why his opinion counts especially).


Trills · 16/08/2015 01:33


If you truly believed that this was only slightly Christmas-ish then you would not have said "early" in the title.

That is an admission that you know you are being unreasonable to bring up Christmas outside of the Christmas topic in AUGUST.


OrangePeels · 16/08/2015 01:55

Any reasonable person not glued to MN 24/7 wouldn't know there was a Christmas topic... Wink

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LittleBearPad · 16/08/2015 02:15

Anyone who's been here in years gone by from about September to 30 November knows very well there's a Christmas topic because the same bun fights happen year after year.


PrettyLittleMitty · 16/08/2015 07:36

Would you prefer your sister to have told your DD that Santa is not real? I think your sister did the right thing and made up a nice little story
So yes, yabu.


fourtothedozen · 16/08/2015 07:45

Give her a break.

You have fractured your family by moving abroad- I don't know where your parents live- you sister is trying to be nice.


TheWitTank · 16/08/2015 08:04

Yabu. I think she's sounds like a lovely aunt and it's not complicated at all. At least she hasn't told her Santa isn't real (which is what I predicted when I started reading). They are obviously very close and it will be lovely for your dd to have such a bond with her aunt. Let them enjoy their time together and don't ruin it by getting annoyed by something so trivial.

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