Early I know but Santa AIBU!

[OrangePeels]

Background:

My DH and I moved abroad with our DD to the Middle East 2 years ago. My DSis is 2 years older and her and her husband can't have children and adoption hasn't worked out. My DSis struggled with us moving and didn't speak to me for 6 months after announcing we were moving. Relationships are better now but not perfect. She adores my DD and is a fantastic aunt. I'm currently 7 weeks through an 8 week visit to the UK for the summer. My DSis has had DD overnight lots and loves to spoil her (I could have an entire thread on this but never mind!) DD is the only grandchild either side.

DH came over to visit and then we went for 10 days to his parents then back at my parents for 3 days. I have less than a week left. He left this morning and DD stayed last night and tonight at DSis's house.

I saw DSis and DD today at her house with other family for a gathering after DH left. When DD was out of earshot DSis told me DD had heard her mentioning to my DH that she had given him Xmas presents to take back with him and she had asked her who they were for and why.

DSis told her that because she has no children of her own she is a santas helper and helps distribute presents for adults! She apparently hasn't met Santa she just receives a list and does as she is told then the list magically disappears. DD asked if she was on the naughty or nice list and she said nice but has to still be good to get presents. DD asked to see the list but she told her it disappears. She told her she can't tell Anyone she is a santas helper.

AIBU to think she has made things unnecessarily complicated? I'm not sure if I'm outraged or mildly bemused. My DF was annoyed but didn't say anything to her but told me he wasn't amused.

My DSis has always been Xmas mad and I do feel bad for her not having kids. Surely she could have just told DD she misheard or said it was not cans presents but my DH's birthday presents (birthday next week) or stated Santa doesn't bring adult stuff or just deferred her to me?

Why should this have to be in Christmas topic? It's really about relationships and expectations. And because it relates to Christmas it shouldn't be mentioned in August? Nonsense!

OrangePeels, you have very little control over what other people say to your child, and you cannot insist that the world sticks to your version of any myth or fairy-tale (personally, I hate Disney's mauling of classic stories). Ultimately, your dsis told your dd something nice, positive, magical, that integrates her into a developing long-distance relationship. It's up to you how you incorporate your dsis's story into your personal version of Christmas. Or not. You can have parallel stories, and children are very good at believing six impossible things before breakfast.

I understand how your experience colours your attitude towards secrets. Children will always have 'secrets'. The best way IMO to keep them safe is to keep communication and trust going both ways, but if a child thinks you disapprove, they are less likely to do so.

I do think YABU, your sister sounds like a really caring aunt and I think that's quite a sweet little story! Not really sure why you'd have an issue with it to be honest. The only thing I don't completely agree with is telling your DD she has to keep it a secret and not tell anyone, but your sister clearly didn't mean anything by it.

Personally, I'd go absolutely mental. I have an almost-5 year old and we've never done the Santa thing.

I suppose if we'd been happy with the idea that lying = magic and done it, I couldn't really be upset if someone did what your sister did. Surely more lying = more magic?

This is insignificant in the greater scheme of life. Just let it go. And there's a Christmas topic!!

Oh ffs I can't be doing with Santa in August.

Op, just let it go. Your sister is trying to be nice but she probably didn't realise she's going a bit OTT.

Your DD will probably forget about it by the time Christmas comes.

It is unnecessarily complicated but maybe she was caught off guard and was tying to think of an answer.

I would let it go and go with the flow. Don't mention it again and she may well forget. If it does become a thing between the both of them then smile, even if on the inside you're screamin THAT MAKES NO SENSE.

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OP, YANBU about being annoyed that your sister has made things overly complicate but it's not worth getting worked up about.

This isn't really 'about xmas', xmas is just the issue at hand.

What I get from reading this thread is that you have a child, you sister longs for one and can't have one, yet you're making petty swipes and stamping your feet because your sister is over-indulging her, or sharing something with your daughter that you feel is exclusively yours (Xmas).

Grow up and show some compassion for her, and try to imagine how hard every event is for her (I'm thankfully not childless and like to think I can empathise, but I'm sure that until you've been there you never understand). Try to allow her to share your daughter without you resenting her involvement (as that's how it sounds to me).

Depends. Do you say that all presents are from Santa and nobody else gives presents?

If that is the way you do things then you're potentially making things difficult for yourselves by having to explain that you need to say thank you to granny for this thing that Santa gave you but thank you to auntie Joan for that present and explain why you have bought and wrapped lots of presents for other friends and family etc etc.

If not, all she needed to say was that they were her presents to the family ready for Christmas to save on the need for paying postage. No big drama needed.

I don't know why she didn't just say she had given your DH the presents she had bought for you all so she didn't have to post them later on.

That seems a lot more simple than being santa's helper and having magic disappearing lists.

If your DD mentions it again, just tell her that's what they were and that Aunty X was telling her a silly story just for fun.

I don't get the big deal about only posting in the Christmas topic either. It's not really about Christmas as such, and you don't get people complaining like this when people post about relationships outside of the relationship board or books and films outside of those boards. Or any other topic outside of any other board.

I don't see the problem - if you go in for Santa then why is this any different?

We say Santa brings the toys for children and that some are from Santa and some are from family who have sent them to her. We haven't been specific about how family ones get to her! I think that's what irritated me most as she could have just said they were presents for daddy ready for Christmas! No need to complicate things!

I haven't stamped my feet or caused a scene or in fact said anything other than "why did you say that?" About the whole thing!

I accepted IAMBU further up thread so no need to keep hammering on at me! Especially telling me to grow up thank you very much siblingrevelryagain. I am well aware of the issues she faces and I have always been there for her. I even offered to be a surrogate for her when it became obvious she couldn't have children of her own.