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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to cancel MIL visit tomorrow because I have a bug?

48 replies

Willowtree14 · 15/08/2015 12:17

I'm 16 weeks pregnant, have had morning sickness for past 10 weeks and generally feeling pretty crap at the moment anyway. We had arranged for MIL to visit tomorrow for the day to see us and dd.

Anyway, I started feeling ill last night and I've woken up with a bug - been sick all morning (I'm sure it's different to ms), shaky and hot and have very sore throat. I've been lying in bed all morning while dp looks after dd. I've just mentioned to him that we could see how I feel this evening regarding tomorrow, and maybe rearrange.

His reaction was they could go out without me, and when they come back here they could sit in the garden. AIBU to felt upset by this? I just want looking after and some company (from him) and don't like the thought of having a house full of guests while I look like shit in my pjs and throw up every half an hour!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 15/08/2015 12:20

Oh I'd be the total opposite. I'd want to spend the day in bed and let them all get on with it.

At least they'll all be occupied so they can leave you alone to sleep.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 15/08/2015 12:28

Give over , in the nicest possible way Smile.

They can go out and have a good time, you can recover in bed and MiL can see the family.

Sorted.

TenForward82 · 15/08/2015 12:31

I had something similar recently, food poisioning while 12 weeks pregnant with the in laws over. I wasn't thrilled but I just stayed upstairs in bed, only emerging to go the bathroom (which is downstairs, extra awk).

Is the MIL coming from far away? If so I'd say suck it up (although you have my total sympathy!), otherwise if you're still feeling awful I'm sure they'd understand. Stomach bugs when you're pregnant are x10 worse.

tobysmum77 · 15/08/2015 12:33

If I was MIL I wouldn't come anywhere near ..... what does she think about this plan? Lovely day and a tummy bug to take home Hmm

DoreenLethal · 15/08/2015 12:36

Stay in bed and sleep it out.

AuntyMag10 · 15/08/2015 12:36

Yabu, he's suggested a perfectly reasonable solution. Why would you want your dd to be cooped up when she can go out for the day just to keep you company?

InTheBox · 15/08/2015 12:38

Why should three people have to miss out on a fun day out and a relaxing afternoon in the garden just because you're feeling poorly?

TenForward82 · 15/08/2015 12:44

The sympathy here is overwhelming. Have you never wanted company or to be taken care of when sick? Hmm

WorraLiberty · 15/08/2015 12:49

The OP isn't asking for sympathy.

She's asking if she's being unreasonable to be upset.

Some people happen to think she is, that's all.

tobysmum77 · 15/08/2015 12:51

tenforward with a tummy bug I would not want dh or dc to catch it, so would be encouraging them to stay away.

springalong · 15/08/2015 12:51

It would be terrible if your MIL were to catch a bug. My parents did off us when DS was tiny. They were ill for a lot longer than we were. We are all super cautious now. My parents are both in their 80's.

Ask MIL what she would like to do (giving her as much full graphic info as you think she needs to cancel) and if she wants to cancel rearrange the visit fairly quickly.

TenForward82 · 15/08/2015 12:54

Worra Semantics.

toby That's very selfless and a fair point, hadn't thought of that.

MyPelvicFloorTrainsItself · 15/08/2015 12:54

UABU. Also one MIL isn't a house full of guests Wink

Superworm · 15/08/2015 12:55

If your infectious, ask her to stay away. Totally reasonable request.

tobysmum77 · 15/08/2015 12:57

no not selfless, entirely selfish in limiting the time with vomiting in the house Blush and the prospect of clearing up after dc....

TenForward82 · 15/08/2015 12:57

Ergh, fair point.

WorraLiberty · 15/08/2015 12:58

How do you know it's semantics?

The OP has a fairly good range of replies here to think about.

Presumably that's why she asked.

Icimoi · 15/08/2015 12:59

When I'm ill I must say I don't really want company, bar maybe someone to bring me the odd cup of tea or meal if I'm up to it. If your throat is bad surely it will hurt to talk, and equally it would be better if your dp and dc are away from you to reduce the risk of them catching the bug.

Having your MIL to visit isn't having a "house full of guests", especially when they'll be out most of the day, and realistically she probably won't even see you in your PJs.

TenForward82 · 15/08/2015 13:00

I don't KNOW, worra, I'm saying in my opinion it's semantics. OP has asked if she's BU, replies are "Yes, why should other people not have fun because of you" = no sympathy for being ill, IMO.

BrockAuLit · 15/08/2015 13:03

You're being ridiculous and childish. You want your DH to spend his weekend looking after you and DD, your MIL to not visit her son and DGD, and for your DD to be stuck at home...because?

Let them go out, rest and relax and let you do the same.

Original poster
Willowtree14 · 15/08/2015 13:08

Thanks for all your replies. Just to answer a couple of points raised: it will be MIL plus two other family members. They will be travelling for an hour and a half, and visit us once a month normally. It's not like they will just pop by for half an hour - they normally arrive mid morning and stay until tea time. My dd has a 3 hour sleep just after lunch so the usual plan is do something in the morning for a couple of hours, lunch out somewhere and then back home while dd goes to bed. This is when they will be sitting in my lounge and I'm supposed to quietly throw up upstairs.

Your replies have given me lots to think about, thanks. And thanks for the sympathy Ten :)

OP posts:
Hellochicken · 15/08/2015 13:09

I think you should let MIL know about the bug, it sounds viral and your DH and DC may already be 'incubating it'. If she says she is happy to take the risk then fine. I think you saying they can't meet because you are ill is unreasonable, a bit selfish. Hope you feel better soon.

Hellochicken · 15/08/2015 13:13

My last sentence I really mean, the symptoms sound horrible, especially on top of being run down with pregnancy and morning sickness.

Hissy · 15/08/2015 13:13

Call her and ask her what she's prefer. It may be that your h could take the dc to her, or she might not want to risk anything.

WorraLiberty · 15/08/2015 13:13

You don't need to throw up 'quietly'

But at least you can concentrate on hurling in peace, because everyone else will be occupied Grin

If it was me, I'd ask my DH to leave me a jug of iced water and then I'd stick my head in a book/catch up on sleep.