AIBU to cancel MIL visit tomorrow because I have a bug?

[Willowtree14]

I'm 16 weeks pregnant, have had morning sickness for past 10 weeks and generally feeling pretty crap at the moment anyway. We had arranged for MIL to visit tomorrow for the day to see us and dd.

Anyway, I started feeling ill last night and I've woken up with a bug - been sick all morning (I'm sure it's different to ms), shaky and hot and have very sore throat. I've been lying in bed all morning while dp looks after dd. I've just mentioned to him that we could see how I feel this evening regarding tomorrow, and maybe rearrange.

His reaction was they could go out without me, and when they come back here they could sit in the garden. AIBU to felt upset by this? I just want looking after and some company (from him) and don't like the thought of having a house full of guests while I look like shit in my pjs and throw up every half an hour!

[ephemeralfairy]

I am emetophobic so I would not even want to set foot in a house where someone had a tummy bug. You should let her know so she can make her own choice.

[StampyMum]

There's no way in hell I would visit a house with a tummy bug in it, and my mum goes to huge lengths to avoid them, so I doubt MIL will want to come. You're pregnant, and you have a horrible virus, and I think your DH should go along with what you want. You must feel awful

[NanaNina]

Ha minty - love your comment "NN you find an opportunity to be outraged on behalf of every MIL under the sun" - Noooo not at all. I like to come on the MIL threads to show a different perspective, and it's never long before some DIL comes on and tells me I'm giving MILs a bad name - quite overlooking the fact that all the DILs piling in to support the DIL are giving DILs a bad name! The other allegation I get without fail is yours - I am out to defend ALL MILS - it's not the case of course but it amuses me that DILs never seem to turn this round and think that they are out to defend ALL DILs under the sun." It's so obvious - think about it.

And thank you Hissy for explaining illness to me! Never come across it of course! Just for the record the OP said in her OP that she had been being sick all morning and had a sore throat and very shaky and hot. Not as you say "vomiting and crapping regularly and uncontrollably" - anyway she's better now, so it wasn't that bad after all............phew!

Mind this thread is different because unusually I think the majority of posters are saying the OP is BVU...........so why aren't you both having a go at them...........oh I know - it's because you don't think they're MILs - but they might be - you never know!

[redshoeblueshoe]

[Willowtree14]

Thanks all. I took advice on board, said to dp that if they still want to come I'll get over it and they can go out, but to check with MIL whether they want to take the risk. They decided not to so we've rescheduled. I'm feeling loads better today too :) thanks!

[Sbear22]

Yanbu, I echo what mintyy said.

[redskirt3]

I wouldn't want visitors in the house if I was sick. Yanbu.

[Mermaidhair]

I think if you see your mil fairly regularly, then it would be ok to re schedule. I would be worried about passing on the germs. If you do want or need looking after then I don't think yabu to ask dh to cancel this time. Personally I would be wanting the peace and quiet, so everyone going out would be nice. Can you ask that they don't come back to your place after as a compromise? I hope you feel better soon

[redshoeblueshoe]

Willow

Pregnant sick & bug - its no fun
I think we are all different - I like to be left alone. DP likes to be looked after
You really should be the one to decide

[MrsItsNoworNotatAll]

Oh and get well soon xxx

[MrsItsNoworNotatAll]

Ask your Mil what she wants to do. Either come and risk catching a stomach bug or stay away till you're better.

If I was her I'd stay the fuck away. Stomach bugs are awful and I would prefer to be told about it so I at least have the option to visit or not, and it would be a not!

[Hissy]

How tiresome NanaNina that I have to explain what is bleeding obvious to anyone with common sense. Like Mintyy said, the lengths you onto to be professionally offended are ridiculous. This is not about the MIL, it's about the op.

The op described how she is vomiting and crapping regularly and uncontrollably.

The noise carries and she doesn't want everyone to hear her.

I've had good poisoning when my exes friend popped round, it's beyond humiliating to be chucking your guts up, or playing a wind concerto in the bathroom knowing that the visitor is accompanying every note.

THAT is what allowing someone "the space to be ill" is all about.

Putting the trip back by a week will be beat for all. It's not a slight, it's the best decision all round.

It's a phone call, a sorry I don't think it's a good idea if you come this week, next week if you are free conversation, not a you are a MIL and must be spurned at every opportunity.

[TenForward82]

YW, willow - feel better soon!

[TheRealMaryMillington]

YABU but you have a good excuse, and sorry you're feeling rotten
Much depends on how far away MIL will travel from and how often you see her, how long it's been arranged for.
Were it me I would let them get on with it

[ilovesooty]

Up to your mil and family whether they want to take the risk I would have said. I don't think I would.

I don't see why everyone else should be inconvenienced as a matter of principle though.

[Mintyy]

Oh honestly NanaNina you find an opportunity to be outraged on behalf of every Mil under the sun.

Op doesn't want visitors tomorrow, not because one of the visitors is her mil, but because she is unwell. She is also pregnant. I think that is fair enough. Mil gets to see them once a month normally so it's not like it's a rare visit and a lost opportunity.

[BeaufortBelle]

I think it's up to your MIL whether she comes. If you are ill, stay in bed. Jug of water, flask of tea, book, headphones. Your DH and dd won't be sitting on the end of the bed watching I'm sure.

If I were your MIL I'd cancel btw.

[NanaNina]

The "space to be ill"................what exactly does that mean I wonder! Usually people stay in bed (if they're lucky) when they're ill - and I don't imagine the visitors will want to share the bed!!

[NanaNina]

OMG mid morning till tea time - how on earth will you cope! Sorry to be sarcastic but I think of all the MIL threads this one has pride of place for being very unreasonable As everyone says, you are ill, so stay in bed, you don't need looking after........... you're not a child......FFS. But yes to giving the visitors the choice to come because of the bug, but if you stay in bed they shouldn't catch anything.

[Hissy]

They not try

[Hissy]

I think the incubation thing is a real risk. Call them and let them know, postpone the trip.

You need the space to be ill, and try don't need to catch anything

[Mintyy]

I'm amazed that people can be so cavalier about sharing stomach bug germs.

By tomorrow the likelihood is op's dh or dd (or both) will be ill too, or incubating the bug which could so easily be passed on to Mil.

Does Mil really want to come to a house of plague?

I'd be incandescent with rage to turn up to a house for a visit and find that one of the occupants with ill with a stomach virus and I hadn't been warned about it.

[WorraLiberty]

You don't need to throw up 'quietly'

But at least you can concentrate on hurling in peace, because everyone else will be occupied

If it was me, I'd ask my DH to leave me a jug of iced water and then I'd stick my head in a book/catch up on sleep.

[Hissy]

Call her and ask her what she's prefer. It may be that your h could take the dc to her, or she might not want to risk anything.