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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think ex shouldn't have DD for half of holidays if he's working?

73 replies

AlmondAmy · 14/08/2015 23:20

Every year, I email ex in January to arrange school holiday contact. Every year in September, he emails to say 'i can't believe I've barely seen DD all summer'...! The most he's ever had her is for three nights and she's 8. Now we're going to court he's saying he wants holidays to be shared equally.

On some of the 3 night occasions, he has worked and left DD with his mum or GF. DD specifically said she'd only go there more if he wasn't working and that she'd rather be at home if he wasn't around. He's said that he doesn't want to be told what to do by me and that if he chooses to have DD cared for by his mum/GF/a childminder then it's none of my business.

However, as I'm on maternity leave and would like to have DD, I think she should be at home. Similarly, if I couldn't have DD for whatever reason I'd think it right to give him first refusal. Aibu to think being with a parent should be the priority?

OP posts:

Mermaidhair · 15/08/2015 01:05

AlmondAmy have you seriously started another thread on this topic? Please please get some counselling. Or find something to do, you are obviously bored.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/08/2015 01:14

ALmond - is this the man who you said was abusive to you and your DD? Why is this not taken into account, why do you keep posting new threads with only half the information?

IF he is abusive to your DD then he shouldn't be having overnight contact with her at all anyway, so what the fuck is going on?

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 15/08/2015 01:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tanith · 15/08/2015 09:18

We childminders aren't evil baby-eating witches, Op

The kids love coming to us.

TheHouseOnTheLane · 15/08/2015 09:23

My (female) friend had this. She works full time and her stupid bastard ex husband turned up at the nursery and shouted and yelled that he was the baby's Dad and he was taking her with him.

Very unreasonable.

Murfles · 15/08/2015 09:37

YABU and your posts suggest to me you simply don't want your ex to have contact with your DD. I'm surprised you're asking tbh as you were considering not going to court in your last thread as you couldn't get childcare!

EmeraldKitten · 15/08/2015 09:39

I know none of the history but I don't think the op is bu on this issue.

If DH and I split up, and I was not working for whatever reason, over my dead body would Dh be taking the dc for half of all the holidays to spend at a childminders.

What possible reason would there be? I'd be happy to provide the 'childcare' and for dh to pick them up after work as he would from a cm.

Surely that's in the best interests of any child? You don't stick them in daycare for shits and giggles or to prove you're in control and it's 'your time'.

ollieplimsoles · 15/08/2015 09:43

I was going to reply to the op but I haven't read your other threads!

If there are safe guarding issues and allegations of abuse then it goes much deeper than him just wanting to see her more!

3CheekyLittleMonkeys · 15/08/2015 09:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EmeraldKitten · 15/08/2015 10:09

We childminders aren't evil baby-eating witches, Op The kids love coming to us

That's not really the point the op is making though is it?

The DC have a fabulous cm who they go to two days a week, after school in term time and all day in the holidays, except the 2 weeks we're on holiday.

They love going there, she's fab. Even if one of us stopped working I'd probably still send them one day a week as they enjoy so much.

But I wouldn't want to send them there every day for half the holidays whilst I sat at home. We all lead such busy lives I relish our family time at weekends/holidays/whenever we're off. What a waste for the DC to miss that and be packed off to the CM unnecessarily.

travellinglighter · 15/08/2015 10:30

From my point of view. If my ex asks me to have the kids I never turn her down. She has in the past hit the roof when I have the kids and arranged childcare cover. It mystifies me. I’m covering for her work/social life and she gets amazingly angry if my sister/mum babysits.

Micah · 15/08/2015 10:38

Sometimes NRP actually like to have a chance at "normality" with their kids. You know, going out to work, coming in, Dp and child there, having dinner, bedtime routine etc. They do miss it.

SDD often stays with us in the holidays because she enjoys that aspect of being with her dad, rather than the needing to pack two weeks of activity in EOW. Her dad is at work, but she fits in with our household. As she says, not much different hanging round at her dad's house than her mums.

People berate NRP for being "disney" and wanting the fun parts of parenting.

GarminGirl · 15/08/2015 10:46

Op you were recently considering leaving your dp because he works erratic hours and you feel it's unsettling for one of your DC ( SN I believe) to have him coming/going

What's going on in your head here?

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 15/08/2015 11:12

She has posted under various nn's and it's always the same tone, be it dp or the ex.

She doesn't want any advice, she moans but nothing changes.

ArendelleQueen · 15/08/2015 11:22

This poor, poor child.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 15/08/2015 11:29

Presumably, once AlmondAmy's maternity leave finishes, she will be going back to work, and her dd will be in some sort of childcare - so it seems somewhat hypocritical for her to object to her ex doing the exact same thing.

3CheekyLittleMonkeys · 15/08/2015 11:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tanith · 15/08/2015 11:49

Emeraldkitten I think that is the point.

ThIs is the DH's contact time. The Op wants to change it because he will be working and using childcare. That's not a good enough reason.

My DB tried to argue the same point when he and his DW divorced. He wanted more hours because he said he was working part time and didn't want his child in childcare.
The judge wasn't having any of it and granted 50/50.

AuntyMag10 · 15/08/2015 11:50

I remember a few of your threads and I truly feel sorry for all your children especially the ones with your ex. Your dd has been through so much, poor girl.

ReginaFelangi · 15/08/2015 11:55

Presumably, once AlmondAmy's maternity leave finishes, she will be going back to work,

Ah yes, work. Would that be as a school receptionist or as a SENCO (not sure how given didn't do teacher training)?

I suspect she'll be pushing to get her 2nd/3rd child diagnosed and then just claim extra benefits for them, especially if it means she can withhold her ex's contact with their daughter.

GarminGirl · 15/08/2015 16:22

I await the next thread!

littlejohnnydory · 15/08/2015 19:29

So did you actually go to the hearing?

Based on this thread alone, I don't think it's unreasonable to think that if one parent is off work, the child should be with that parent and not in childcare.

morelikeguidelines · 15/08/2015 21:12

Wow! Isn't this the one you say is abusive?

Amy please go and get some counselling.

I don't know you other aliases but the threads you post in this name are worrying enough. However in expect you have gone off the thread by now.

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