...to think I'm not bonded to my child and be devastated by this?

[Florencefan]

I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter and I'm becoming increasingly doubtful that we're bonded. Or at best, I think we have a very weak bond. A bit of a back story is that she was an extremely uncuddly baby - so much so that it sent me into Pnd as I took it as a major rejection. That was when she was one. Everyone promised me she would become more cuddly and she hasn't. Consequently I am feeling increasingly disconnected from her and I'm genuinely worried about what's going to happen and if I can do anything about this? I actually posted on here about a year ago about it and got told to 'back off' 'give her space!' Etc which is fine, I did, and a year on I'm now feeling just so, so sad and that I'm just living with a child who I may as well just be child minding for. It occurred to me that if someone swapped me for another mother for her she probably wouldn't care less. That's the most horrible feeling.
When I take her to nursery she barely looks round. I pick her up, she looks disappointed. My heart breaks each time. If she falls over and I try to comfort her she pushes me off. I try periodically to cuddle her but she holds me at arms length. If I even sit next to get and lay a hand on her leg she peels it off.
I'm naturally an affectionate and loving person so I find this almost unbareable and take it as a massive rejection. I'm pretty sure I love her but I really don't feel we are bonded at all. An example being that now if she cries it doesn't particularly affect me. I used to get upset by her crying but I now just attend to whatever is upsetting her but it doesn't actually bother me as such if she cries. I think it's because I've had to force myself to disconnect from her emotionally as its been a daily agony for two years now. THIS is primarily what makes me think we aren't bonded. I can't stand that things have got like this as this is not 'me' at all. I'm a single mum (by choice) so no father involved.
Any thoughts?
I'm so so so sad about this so please be gentle.
(She's just had her 27 month check and all was normal- she's a very happy, chatty, sociable child with great eye contact so no autism etc suspected at all)

If you genuinely haven't bonded with your daughter then that is a problem. What were the first six months like? That is the most important time.

If your dd has attachment disorder due to your lack of bonding in the first six months to two years, then that will present serious problems for her and she will be difficult to parent.

It sounds like more than she is just not huggy or she is independent. The important thing is you feel you having bonded and I think as her mother you should know.

Read up on attachment parenting eg keeping the child close with you even if you do different things, be playful with her.

As for why you haven't bonded, it's hard to say. I agree with a pp that it's worrying that you are forcing yourself to back off emotionally, as if you are protecting yourself. Your dd's needs are more important than yours.

Definitely seek some professional advice on this.

A very independent child would usually have a very good attachment to their parent/caregiver which is why they are confident enough to do things on their own. That doesn't sound like the case here.