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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

that DH shouldn't have gotten this drunk?

65 replies

RattleAndRoll · 14/08/2015 20:08

At a wedding. DH is a groomsman, and this morning we discussed him drinking and he said he won't as he's driving us home.
Generally he doesn't drink, maybe a cider at a BBQ for example. We don't drink at home.

He turned up to the venue a couple of hours before us (ds(almost 1) and I). As soon as I arrived I could tell her was tipsy (this is an hour before ceremony etc). He had a drink in hand. I mentioned about him driving home, he said he's only had one. Hmm I thought.

By the time the ceremony comes, in between seating people he's making racist jokes and talking about cocaine? (He's not a racist or and doesn't take drugs). And couldn't tell his left and right when trying to seat guests on the bride or grooms side of the room. I at this point have said to him that he needs to get his behaviour in check. So was silent from then on.

He kept drinking. By the time the wedding breakfast has been served he's puking in the toilets. Each course that came out made him feel sick so he's puked around 5 times now.

At this point one of the other groomsman have sent him to bed. Its a hotel, so there's some rooms that they've used to get ready in etc.

Also, I was going to get my mum to babysit ds so I could enjoy myself today, less stress etc. he didn't want me to. It's a close friend from school getting married and he wanted ds to be in the photos. My worry was Id be dealing with ds on my own all day, as he's a groomsman, he said he'd checked what his duties were and he'd be with us for everything except the ceremony, please don't get a sitter. Well I've hardly seen him, as expected.. as he's been in the loo or hotel room. When he has been with us he's been useless and not doing anything to help. He's down from the hotel now and still not with us.

And, it's our sons first birthday tomorrow and we have a big family BBQ planned starting midday. He is going to be a state in the morning, and probably feel shit all day.

I've missed the speeches as ds was getting tired so I've just had to walk him round the car park then heard the clapping etc came back and missed them, and I'm outside again now and can hear their first dance song has come on so I've missed their first dance too.

I've apologised to the groom for his behaviour as I've no idea what else he's said or done whilst not around me.

It's just so not like him, I don't know what's going on with him.

Aibu to think he's shown himself right up?

OP posts:

scarletforya · 14/08/2015 20:51

I'd bet you any money he's been sorting coke.

scarletforya · 14/08/2015 20:52

Snorting*

AboutTimeIChangedMyNameAgain · 14/08/2015 20:53

I'd be fuming op. Absolutely bloody furious with him. And he's ruined tomorrow as he'll be too hungover for your DS's birthday.

Glittery7 · 14/08/2015 20:56

Sounds like he got out of his depth with the others and being a lightweight, he got spangled. That said, I'd insist he plays out his responsibilities. No crashing out in bed with a "migraine".

exWifebeginsat40 · 14/08/2015 20:57

people on coke are annoying, unfunny arseholes. this sounds to me like he's got out of his depth (hence the puking - coke and booze can be a decidedly unwinning combo).

he's going to feel shocking in the morning.

Glittery7 · 14/08/2015 20:57

Tomorrow at your baby's first birthday.

Lj8893 · 14/08/2015 21:00

He sounds like someone who has had cocaine mixed with alcohol to me op. Hope your ok.

DixieNormas · 14/08/2015 21:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

emotionsecho · 14/08/2015 21:03

He is going to have to do some serious apologising to the bride, groom and respective families and he's, no doubt, got a lot of hard work to do to make up to you for this behaviour.

If he's avoiding you why don't you just leave? I know you said you don't drive long distances but you would be fine doing it. Alternatively is anyone else going your way soon that you could get a lift with or share a taxi with? If you do go by other means than your own car make sure you take the keys with you, don't let him anywhere near the car in his current state.

MummyPig24 · 14/08/2015 21:03

The twattish behaviour suggests coke to me, but it could just be that he isn't used to drinking. Hopefully it's just that and he's got carried away. I hope he is up to helping with the bday celebrations tomorrow and has an explanation.

Glittery7 · 14/08/2015 21:04

He probably just drunkenly heard someone else mention a line of charley.

CheckpointCharlie · 14/08/2015 21:06

I would be sooooo fucked off with him if I were you.

Also my DH once swore to me that he hadn't done something, and I would have bet my life on it being the truth. I found out last week he had lied and it has shattered me so I would honestly say don't write any possibility off.

This kind of behaviour makes me so mad, so irresponsible and selfish. And how embarrassing, he has humiliated you and himself. Also, he kept drinking, even though he had been sick!? Did I get that bit right?

I think you should, go home op and leave him the fuck to it.

Original poster

RattleAndRoll · 14/08/2015 22:02

Were home. I told him I was going to go, so he's come home with me. He seems ok now, drunk-wise. Helped me with directions home etc.
He stopped drinking once he started puking, sorry if that wasn't clear.
I honestly know he wouldn't, we've been around that sort of thing before and he almost pity's people that feel the need to do that to have a good time (ironically also pity's people who get drunk to have a good time though!) Groom isn't into drugs either. obviously there is always a chance, but I would eat my hat.

OP posts:

CheckpointCharlie · 14/08/2015 22:11

Glad he came home with you op, that's one good thing.
Hope you're ok and your LO has a good bday.

Glittery7 · 14/08/2015 22:24

Glad all three of you are home safe and sound. Make sure he helps you with tomorrow's celebrations.

AlpacaMyBags · 14/08/2015 22:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hellionandfriends · 14/08/2015 22:54

I think, take care of yourself and your kid. If that means leaving him to bugger around, then leave him

Hellionandfriends · 14/08/2015 22:56

Glad you're home in one piece

bigbumtheory · 14/08/2015 23:00

My DH did something similar with the drinking once. I was torn between pissed off, concerned and really embarrassed. No racist or bad comments he was just staggering and feel asleep before 6!

He was so humiliated in the morning I didn't need to really say much to him. I told him how embarrassing it had been and how upset I was to leave so early and just said that he owed the Bride and Groom a big apology. He has never ever done anything like it again. He never drinks like that and this was a one (and hopefully only) off. We've been to weddings since and he's been very careful with pacing drinks and refusing all shots.

YANBU at all and I hope he very much knows it when he sobers up. It's if he doesn't know it and does it again you've got problems.

Original poster

RattleAndRoll · 14/08/2015 23:01

He's asleep. I don't know whether to laugh at his pathetic-ness or cry. I'm off to wrap presents, blow up balloons, write out his card, my beautiful baby boy is one tomorrow.
I don't know what tomorrow will bring but he can act the part even if he doesn't feel it. He's not ruining the day.
Thank you everyone, for letting me rant. I don't know if i feel any better. Knowing everyone else thinks he's been a bit of a dick too means he's actually been a bit of a dick, does that make sense? If you all thought that 'oh it's a wedding, time to let your hair down, let him be,' then I'd think 'oh ok, that's normal, I need to loosen up' whereas I'm actually thinking no I am right, he's behaved appallingly tonight. My DH felt that was all ok and appropriate. I feel let down that he could behave like that. Which is worse than me being told to iabu. Anyhow I'm rambling. Thank you again x

OP posts:

Glittery7 · 14/08/2015 23:10

Rattle, tomorrow when he wakes up and realises, he'll accept he's been a dick too and let himself and you down. Tomorrow is another day and he has to be onboard for your baby's birthday. Tough shit to the hangover.

CupboardOfLoveliness · 14/08/2015 23:21

Good people sometimes do bad/out of character things OP. No-ones a saint.

Just get him up extra early in the morning and run around all day doing your bidding

pretend · 15/08/2015 06:54

Let us know how the hangover goes OP

Happy birthday to DC!

temporarilyjerry · 15/08/2015 08:21

Happy birthday, baby Rattle.
for mummy
for daddy

Lj8893 · 15/08/2015 08:26

Have a lovely day with your ds Rattle! Your dh will realise what a dick he has been and will probably feel very ill today, but make sure he has to suffer in silence!

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