F'ing farting

[ReginaFelangi]

I don't know whether there is anything unusual about this, but my OH of nearly 15 years' bodily functions are really starting to get to me. His toilet sessions take at least 30 minutes and a lot of noise and the smell afterwards will literally make me heave. (He needs reminding to open the window and close the bathroom door too).

He will also fart freely throughout the house. Last night he went up to bed to read and when I went up an hour later the room stank so badly I had to go and sleep in my 4 year old's bed instead. He doesn't think there's anything wrong with it and says it's just me "making a fuss". He eats healthily enough and has been this way forever (although I think it's getting worse). AIRBU for not wanting to be gassed in my own home?!

SalemSaberhagen

I just don't get the uptight attitude towards it! It's incredibly childish, yes, but I wouldn't say it's "fucking rank"

Holding you down helena so you can't escape and making you smell his farts is grim.

Is he young?

He's 25. He usually shouts on me, sounding panicked, so I run through and he grabs me and farts on my leg.

I really don't see the issue! But then we watched a travel documentary about France and hooted with laughter every time the narrator said Chartres ("shart"). Maybe we're just overgrown toddlers.

Somebody expelling shit particles on you? Yeah, I'll stick with 'fucking rank'

We all fart and I will happily do it anywhere I like in the banksmy house.

Strike through fail :(

I HATE the whole farting thing....my dh is banned from doing it anywhere near me or even in the same room as me. It makes me stop fancying him!!

Yanbu. My dh makes a smell which is way beyond the realms of normal. Often wakes me with the smell. I am certain he is reacting to various foods. Veggie stir fry can often be the worst.

Try charcoal capsules. I'm going to get some more for dh. They helped take the edge off.

And air freshener mixed in with the smell makes it twice as bad.

I'm prone to awful flatulence. I have several triggers for it including excessive sugar including chocolate and alcohol, and soya flour and milk trigger my IBS.

When recovering from a difficult birth, I was on laxatives for a month which trashed my digestive fauna and resulterior in the most horrendous stenches which I had no ability to control. High strength prebiotic made a massive difference, and help me get my balance back if it has gone wappy.

I'm not a wallflower about farting and bodily functions, but when it gets that offensive, it's a sign that something isn't right.

If he's constipated, that won't help. Making sure he drinks plenty to lubricate it as well as fibre from whole grains and veg will help as a starting point.

Partner Pinning you down and Farting on you is not disrespectful
I think you need to work on boundaries and self esteem if this is fine to you.

I think you need to work on boundaries and self esteem if this is fine to you.

Are you kidding me? Trust MN to turn everything into a fundamental issue in a relationship.

I grew up in a house where farts were hilarious, my mum and dad would make a big joke about it so it doesn't bother me now. My self esteem is absolutely fine, thanks.

Yuck! Matches only make a 'burning poo' smell.

I hate the farting thing as well, it's revolting. How can you find a man sexy who continually makes obnoxious smells? I know everyone does it - and your own farts are never offensive to you - but to inflict them on other people, no way, really gross.

Can he get some fart eating underpants? www.myshreddies.com
(I've got déjà vu)

Trust MN to turn everything into a fundamental issue in a relationship

When you post you will get people's opinions, your bloke is annoying if nothing else.

What did you expect? giggles and nods of approval.

Yeah, farting is normal, but if it's constantly like rotten eggs and you can't stand to be around it, then a medical check up might be a good idea. It could just be a food intolerance or it could be IBS if he's sitting on the loo for long periods. It's worth checking.

I'm amazed at how many people fart in front of their partners though. I've been married 5 years and still try to leave the room if possible! Mainly because my partner would retaliate and his farts are dreadful.

With DH it depends on what he's been eating - any cauliflower or broccoli and he'll be rank afterwards. Fortunately, the match thing absolutely does work (it doesn't smell like burnt poo... ) and is infinitely preferable to the combined smell of cheap fake air freshener and shite.

Omg, I must be the worlds biggest prude then. Dh has never heard me fart while I am conscious and I never laugh at stinking out a room, it's disgusting and why should I be driven from a room because someone else can't be bothered to hold it in? Yes, it's a natural bodily function but so is shitting, do you all have chamber pots filled with shit under your beds at night or do you use another room for that?

Helena don't worry you're not alone, my DH and I plus several of our friends happily fart (and laugh) in front of our other halves, and don't see it as some terrible secret we have to hide away to do. Sometimes I call for DH then fart at him. I also go into his study, fart then leave and close the door on him. We both laugh lots and have a very happy relationship. I am mid 30s, he is mid 40s so I don't think it's an age thing. Some friends of ours rate each other's farts out of 10.

Bab in my home matches don't work.
My DH (a very discreet person) has tried that, the resulting smell is worse than excrement mixed with garden flowers!

I can sometimes gag on the smell of my husband's farts/BMs. But even that action makes me laugh.

My DP has pinned me down to fart on me before. He also lets one go and stares at me until the smell "gets me", then asks (in the style of a wine connoisseur) if there are "floral notes".

If that works for the both of you that's obviously fine. I don't mind farts slipping out but someone pinning me down to fart on my face? No. Can't imagine anything less sexy or more likely to kill my lust for them.

I still haven't heard my OH fart. I'm secretly wondering if he is an alien.

I'm the one with the gut problems (IBS) so I can be very gassy but I'm decent enough to go out the room. Apologise for farting (they're squeakers )

Things that can cause really stinky farts - too much fat. Tell him to curb the greasy food and see if it improves (expect temporary increase in stench and frequency)

he also needs to learn some manners! Ok, we all fart but that doesn't mean we can sit there are freely do it as an when. No excuse in the house. Would he do it on a bus? at his mothers?

Lighten up, OP.

My mum farts almost continuously. An unrelenting stream of gas. It's horrible but I also feel sorry for her because she can't help it. Her mum was the same.

It might be worth him checking it out if it stinks really badly though. Farts and poos shouldn't smell unusually bad all of the time IME.