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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Invoice addressed to husband

67 replies

tbtc · 13/08/2015 14:21

Just that. Invoice is addressed to husband, not me (who has had ALL dealing with them), not both of us (as would be expected).

IABU to expect invoices to be addressed to both parents.

RAGE.

OP posts:
BeaufortBelle · 13/08/2015 17:07

Don't you think though lurking that all patients should be addressed equally and if that is so they should call John Bloggs rather than Mr Bloggs.

LurkingHusband · 13/08/2015 17:10

BeaufortBelle

Don't you think though lurking that all patients should be addressed equally

I just said I did !

BeaufortBelle · 13/08/2015 17:18

X post

AcrossthePond55 · 13/08/2015 17:42

Maybe that's why all the correspondence from my children's schools were addressed to 'The parent/guardian of (child's name)'.

FithColumnist · 13/08/2015 19:00

AcrossthePond55, this also helps when parents/guardians and children don't have the same surnames. At parents' evenings, I always make sure the sprogs let me know (discreetly!) if whoever is coming to visit has a different surname to them so I don't put my foot in my mouth.

Even then it's jarring to refer to Mrs PupilsMum and get Mr Columnist in response.

Original poster
tbtc · 14/08/2015 10:18

How's this?

To whom it may concern,

Yesterday we received our first invoice (Payer ref. xxxxxxx). It was addressed to my husband, Mr N XXXXX

I would like to ask that future invoices are addressed to Mr and Mrs XXXXXX

Yours faithfully,

Disgruntled from Essex

OP posts:
LurkingHusband · 14/08/2015 10:22

Or even Mrs and Mr ? Smile

Lonecatwithkitten · 14/08/2015 10:25

I have been following the tread and as an independent school parent, I would address it to the bursar by name if you can ( should be on the website). To whom it may concern will be past from pillar to post direct to the bursar should have the effect you are looking for.

Oldraver · 14/08/2015 10:29

Well if its your bank details then it should be addressed to you.

DS's school always address letters to OH first then myself. I'm hoping its because its Alphabetical and no because the man comes first. It is annoying as I am the one that registered and did all the enroling at school and stuff like that.

HelsBels3000 · 14/08/2015 10:30

^^ If you want to have yourself labelled as the PITA parent from the first day, then go ahead. Otherwise, does it really matter - in the grand scheme of things?

OrchardDweller · 14/08/2015 10:33

Our electricity company sends all correspondence to my DH. I challenged them on this and told them actually I paid their bills and that they should be sent to me but they still wouldn't change it!

Original poster
tbtc · 14/08/2015 10:36

Hels Yes it bloody well does! I think being upset that financial matters default to the man DOES matter in the grand scheme of things. My letter does not assume that, simply requests that they change it.

He actually hasn't even got a place there yet - we are waiting for GCSE results. So I can be the PITA parent before he's even started Wink

Lone there is a specific email for fees. Do you think I should use that (addressing to the bursar), or the bursar directly?

OP posts:
sanquhar · 14/08/2015 10:38

I've had this from loads of places. utilities are the worst for it.

i phoned up and set the account up

the money comes from my account, in my sole name.

dh is the secondary acc holder, only on there in case I'm not available to speak to them.

yet all letters arrive addressed to him. one even sent one addressed to Mrs DH-initial Dh-surname, even though I'm Ms Sanquhar SanqsdottirAngry. what the hell kind of customer service is that, completely ignoring the actual customer name and inventing a new indentity?

the amount of times I've had to phone up and complain about it!

burn Debretts, i say!

VivaLeBeaver · 14/08/2015 10:38

I hate this. My vet does it, all letters addressed to Dh. All the pets are mine and Dh has never set foot in the vets. For all they know there is no Mr Beaver, I could be a widow or divorced!

sanquhar · 14/08/2015 10:40

who was that orcharddweller? Eon changed it when i complained.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 14/08/2015 10:49

I got mildly annoyed just recently with my Solicitor's office. I am Ms 'Evans', I have spoken on the phone to them many times and there has been a deal of correspondence to and fro, but two letters have arrived in the last couple of weeks starting with 'Dear Sir' (even though the letters were addressed to Ms Evans). Why is this such a difficult thing to get right?

Baffling!

TopsyRose · 14/08/2015 11:01

Things like this drive me mad. When myself and DH moved into our new rented property, the agents put DH as the lead tenant, all documentation is addressed to him and the deposit is now held in his name. This is despite him never speaking to them. I dealt with everything and paid all the money from my savings. I asked the agent why and she said "we always put the man first, it's the way it has always been done". I asked if they could change it so I'm first and apparently they cannot.

Pico2 · 14/08/2015 11:13

I put myself first on everything I apply for and every account I set up. That effectively means everything as DH doesn't do admin. As a result we have one bank account with my name first. I think that everything else has defaulted to 'his name & my name'.

I was particularly pissed off to have "Welcome Mr Pico" showing on the TV when we got into a hotel room, no mention of me at all. I book every holiday. I won't book that hotel chain again.

LurkingHusband · 14/08/2015 11:18

I'm vaguely curious as to the Data Protection implications of MrsX opening post solely addressed to MrX ? (Or indeed, vice versa).

It appeals to the little man in me, to be able to tell a company that I can't discuss their account because of data protection.

LurkingHusband · 14/08/2015 11:19

I was particularly pissed off to have "Welcome Mr Pico" showing on the TV when we got into a hotel room, no mention of me at all. I book every holiday. I won't book that hotel chain again.

Name & shame ?

FryOneFatManic · 14/08/2015 11:22

Lurking Husband you can open other people's post as long as there is no intention to act to that other person's detriment.

OrchardDweller · 14/08/2015 11:22

Our electricity company is EDF ... However, full marks have to go to South East Water who address our bills to "Mrs OrchardDweller and Mr OrchardDweller"

OrchardDweller · 14/08/2015 11:25

Oh and I have another example ... I went on holiday a couple of years ago with DS and DD (not DH - he was working!). Bearing in mind that I had booked and paid for the holiday, when we arrived at the hotel they asked for Mr OrchardDweller (ie my DS) and were rather surprised when a 14 year old stepped forward as the "Head" of our group. Have to say I did put them right!

Pico2 · 14/08/2015 11:32

It was an Oberoi hotel. To be fair, we aren't likely to go back now that we have two small children.

LurkingHusband · 14/08/2015 11:47

you can open other people's post as long as there is no intention to act to that other person's detriment.

But do you have to ?

I'm am still plugging away at the situation the OP stated, where all negotiations have been done with person "X", but when the first bill arrives, it is addressed to person "Y".

What would happen in the event that person "Y" (1) refused to pay (2) was not available (i.e. working abroad) and person "X" (for whatever reason) did not open any letters addressed to "Y", and the bill went unpaid ?

If the above situation came before a court (although I suspect any company would not let it get that far, in case there was a ruling they didn't like) where a company was suing for payment, and the defence was they had misaddressed their invoices, what would the courts view be ?

(1) That regardless of addressing, someone in the household should have opened the invoice to pay it ?

or

(2) The lack of payment was entirely due to the companys misaddressing, and the court will not order person "Y" to pay for person "X".

Bearing in mind the ongoing battle (which has been fought since I can remember) to ensure both halves in a partnership have the right to financial autonomy.