My mother, who wants me to pen her a letter on why I have made her feel rubbish....
Background is, I'm nearly thirty but we've always had a tricky relationship. I feel like everything always has to be on her terms and the overall atmosphere of any family gathering is dependent on what mood she is in. I live a few hours away and she keeps in touch by sending me statements over email that might just say 'I'm looking for a new job' or, 'we are going to do the floor in the house today' or, if o haven't been responding to the above, links to online 'evidence' of the latest food that is causing her health problems. (She has no diagnosed allergies or intolerances despite numerous tests) never a 'Hi, how are you?' phone conversations are quite hard work as she talks about herself and her problems for about 90% of the time we are on the phone. When I was younger I found it really difficult to live with her as I always just felt that she just didn't like me very much. She never seems to be that interested until she can use something to sort of gain some attention or spotlight onto her, IYKWIM.
Anyway. My dad had surgery recently and I wanted to take some time off work to travel to see him and stay a few days. He's in a lot of pain and will need physio. My parents are divorced but he lives in the next town to my mum. It happened as when I was packing s few things together I got a phone call from my gran (my mum's mum, we get on well and keep in touch although I don't get to see her very often) and I mentioned I was travelling back home. My grandparents then offered to pick me up from my train and take me out for some lunch. Then they drove me to my dad's.
Now, I should have mentioned to my mum at some point that I was going to be in the area, but I really just wanted to see how my Dad was, and as my mum is usually quite busy with various things I intended to drop her a line the next day and see if she was free for a quick coffee. The visit just wasn't about her, I've been worried about my dad and just wanted to spend time with him.
Unfortunately my Gran (who my mum does not get on with) phoned my mum and told her about the lunch and how lovely it had been to see me.
So I got a message from my mum telling me I had embarrassed her by her by not knowing I was back, that she didn't know what she's done wrong, and they she now expects me to write her a letter to explain my actions. She then said she did not want to see my anyway and she'd been having a shit time recently and I'd made her feel rubbish about herself, so thanks for that. So I left it at that, apart from a message back saying I didn't want to fall out and was not a big conspiracy not telling her I was back, but in hindsight I should have mentioned it.
I don't know what to bloody do. I don't want to sit down and write such a letter. Don't know how to move forward as if I don't we will be at a stalemate. The letter I presume I I am expected to grovel a bit and sort of 'explain myself' I'm not really sure TBH.
Thanks for reading as is so long. AIBU for not wanting to write a bloody essay on the reasons why I'm a rubbish daughter?!