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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu, but it's my house and i can own what pet i like!!

61 replies

pumpkinsweetie · 12/08/2015 21:42

To cut a long story short, my best friend is having to re-home her cat due to her new tenancy not allowing for pets.
So me being an animal lover (already have a dog & 2 rats) i thought it would save heartbreak and be nice to take the cat in myself.

Anyway upon hearing my ideas, my Dm has got the arse and keeps banging on about her allergies and how i am selfish as she won't be able to visit my home anymore.
Saying that "am i joking" "you will put me in hospital" etc.
Tbf she has just got over phneumonia.
She is going to go mad when she finds out the reality the cat is being sent to me tomorrow evening!

Thing is i love my dm, and i enjoy her visits (daily, except from weekends) but it is my house and i believe if i want a cat then i shall have one.

Dm lives a block away and i can visit her if i wish, just as much.
So aib, to be pissed of that she has the arse over something that is my decision?

OP posts:

NotYouNaanBread · 13/08/2015 11:30

YABU. If your mother is allergic to cats, then she can't visit any more. End of story.

You are making a choice that bars your mother from coming to your home for the sake of somebody else's cat. Why should she have to take daily medication to facilitate this? The cat is not your problem. You are being ridiculous.

FrancesOldhamKelseyRIP · 13/08/2015 11:38

I think she's allowed to be pissed off that her DD has barred her from visiting when she's done nothing wrong.

StackladysMorphicResonator · 13/08/2015 12:00

You are making a choice that bars your mother from coming to your home for the sake of somebody else's cat.

^ This. I'd be gutted if a close family member did this to me, it's telling your mum a cat is more important than her!

SomewhereIBelong · 13/08/2015 12:01

If you go away does your mum care for your pets for you? Could be shooting yourself in the foot.

maz210 · 13/08/2015 12:04

I'm allergic to cats and would be (quietly) upset if my kids got one. I can visit homes with cats but can't stay long and I suffer for it. If I touch a cat I come out in blisters so it is quite a bad allergy.

patienceisvirtuous · 13/08/2015 12:05

I am highly allergic to cats. I own two and take a daily Benadryl. Simples.

fourtothedozen · 13/08/2015 12:08

You take a benadryl every day? Are you not worried about long term side effects?

MythicalKings · 13/08/2015 12:09

Agree with those who say you're telling your mother a random cat matters more than she does.

Both DCs are very allergic to cats and have asthma - they would never be able to visit if we got a cat.

ExitPursuedByABear · 13/08/2015 12:14

One of DD's friends cannot go anywhere that cats have lived in the past couple of years for fear of ending up in hospital with a severe allergic reaction - so it is not as simple as saying take a tablet.

However, it is your house/your rules.

DurhamDurham · 13/08/2015 12:16

You are right in that it is your home and if you want a cat you can get one. Maybe she was just letting you know how it would affect her health and wanted you to make an informed decision.
I tend not to visit people if they have cats, although its not always possible to know in advance, as I am allergic to cats. My eyes run, I sneeze, cough and my throat feels very itchy. I know it isn't a life or death situation for me but it is so unpleasant that if I can avoid it I do.

shovetheholly · 13/08/2015 12:18

I'm assuming your DM isn't terribly life-threateningly allergic, but just a bit snuffly around cats.

My friend is really allergic to cats - he comes into my house and doesn't have a problem. If you have a good hoover (Miele cat and dog for instance) and you regularly do the floors, you can really limit the amount of allergens in the environment. You could also keep the cat in a selected range of rooms so there is some cat-free space for your DM.

I'm actually allergic to cats too (though not severely) and you do get accustomed to it so it stops triggering you. I only really remember it when I'm away from home in a cat-free environment for a bit, then return and start sneezing and spluttering.

Birdsgottafly · 13/08/2015 12:27

I felt very vulnerable after having pneumonia.

My eldest's lack of understanding, in regards to her not smoking around me, really hurt, she can be selfish and unthinking, but I thought she would of had a better level of caring towards me.

I don't understand why you think your Mum wouldn't be upset, over you making a decision that means she may not be able to visit you for up to ten years.

The cat may not want to live with your dog, do you may have to look to rehome it anyway.

soundedbetterinmyhead · 13/08/2015 12:31

If you would rather have the cat in your home that your mum, go ahead.

You can argue that the cat needs a home, that you can visit your mum any time etc, etc. At the end of the day, your decision is based on the choice above. If you're OK with that, and the way that it makes your mum feel, go ahead.

(I've never met your mum, or the cat, so couldn't comment on which I would prefer in my home!)

soundedbetterinmyhead · 13/08/2015 12:34

...than your mum, sorry.

BarbarianMum · 13/08/2015 12:37

patience if 2 Benedryl do it you are not 'highly allergic', you have an allergy. 'Highly allergic' is epi-pens and nebulisers and life-threatening shit.

MuffMuffTweetAndDave · 13/08/2015 12:38

YABU. You're entitled to bring whatever animal you want into your home, within the law obviously, and not to consider anyone else's allergies, preferences or whatever. You aren't entitled not to hear about the impact your decisions have on other people. Your right to do what you want with your property doesn't trump your mother's right to speak freely.

I also wonder if this will be viable anyway, since you don't know how the dog and cat are going to feel about living with each other. Obviously plenty of canine/feline pairs co-exist very happily, but it's not automatic.

kungfupannda · 13/08/2015 12:47

DP has a much younger sibling who is currently living back at home and will be there for another few months at least. Despite My Pil saying they didn't want a cat because of DP's severe allergy, his sibling went ahead and got a kitten. We are generally round there about twice a week and it's difficult for them to come to us because of a health condition of FiLs which means that he doesn't like to spend long periods of time away from home. The sibling thinks he should just take antihistamines every time he wants to pop round. He doesn't want to keep doing that so he's effectively barred from his parents' house for the next few months. This has obviously caused a bit of an atmosphere and means that what was once a nice, friendly family situation with short notice arrangements had turned into a very formal, complicated setup. It's up to you what you do, but I'd have a bit more sympathy for your mum, OP.

kungfupannda · 13/08/2015 12:52

Oh yes, and we'll have to ask people to visit us while wearing clothes that haven't been near the cat, or to sit on a special wooden chair on the other side of the room

SomewhereIBelong · 13/08/2015 14:15

You have the right to have whichever pet you choose

She has the right to be offended by your choice.

OnlyLovers · 13/08/2015 14:16

You can have what pets you want and she can butt out.

50ShadesofNope · 13/08/2015 14:25

Your house, of course you can get the pets you want.

On the other hand I'm in a similar position to you, and I won't get one. My mum lives nearby and is highly allergic to cats, they set off her brittle asthma which can result in hospitalisation. I would love a cat but won't get one on the grounds that she could never visit me, and that I couldn't guarantee than my clothes would be totally cat free when I visited her so would have to specifically plan to see her and prepare accordingly rather than just dropping in. As sad as it makes not to get one it just isn't worth the risk as she starts wheezing even with a tiny bit of exposure.

I guess as long as you're sensible about it and won't miss her coming to see you then YANBU, but think about the impact it will have long term.

ExitPursuedByABear · 13/08/2015 14:29

Brittle asthma - that's the condition I couldn't remember when posted earlier about DD's friend. She has really, really scary reactions to cat dander.

SomewhereIBelong · 13/08/2015 14:30

if my mum got a cat and I was allergic, our relationship would change.

just like that.

AuntyMag10 · 13/08/2015 14:38

That's your mum how nasty. But if you feel you must then up to you.

Binkybix · 13/08/2015 14:45

I am highly allergic to cats. I own two and take a daily Benadryl. Simples

I don't think you're highly allergic to cats of this is the case.

Technically you can do what you like, but you're being very unfeeling about this.

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