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AIBU?

To really hate online dating?

65 replies

twilightskye · 11/08/2015 08:36

I have tried it using both paid sites and also free ones a few times now and I just absolutely loathe it.

Unfortunately since my opportunities to meet men in real life are limited it's probably the only way I'll meet a partner (hence am 34 and never been kissed).

But AIBU to still not use it? And AIBU to think there's worse things than going into middle age single and childless - and that sounds so cold and empty.

And where did you meet your partners?

OP posts:

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Knottyknitter · 12/08/2015 15:47

Op , I could have written your post!
At 31, I was single, overworking in the nhs and getting disillusioned with online dating.

Before I was 32 I met now dp online. I had decided to stop my match.com subscription as it was getting so useless, but went on one last date at the end of the month, his profile had made me laugh out loud and really stood out from the crowd.

Had a great night, saw each other at least twice a week from then on. A year and a half later, he'd put his flat on the market and moved into mine (rental) while we househunted. Another 18 months and we have been in our dream house a year, with a 7mo daughter. I'm now 36.

Maternity leave gives you a new perspective on nhs working. It won't love you back, so make sure you don't lose yourself in medicine. I nearly did, but dp&dd were worth the wait.

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dippyd123 · 12/08/2015 16:02

Hi OP sounds like youve had some good advice. Personally it doesnt sound like online dating may be for you... As a regular online dater over the years ive come to realise theres no point going in feet first looking for love.
Ive had a fair few dates and even had casual relationships with guys off there but ive never found true love only reason ive gone on this last few times was for a bit of a confidence boost and some attention.

There are some lovely guys who I do think are genuine but alot of them you have to have your witts about you and i just think using dating sites for a first relationship maybe isnt a good idea (just my opinion). For what its worth my 4 serious relationships ive had have all been friends of friends and met on nights out or special occasions. x

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letmehaveyoursoul · 14/08/2015 00:12

I met DP online, I'd been single for ages and just wanted to meet new men people. I didn't mean to go on a second date with him, but im so glad I did.

give it time, or give up and just get out as much as you can to meet people good luck!

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letmehaveyoursoul · 14/08/2015 00:12

ps- mellow is right, a few messages and then a drink, don't get into big chats online as it doesn't reflect the real them.

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daisychain01 · 14/08/2015 04:20

Another success story.

DP and I met through OLD, we had only been registered for about 2 weeks when we found each other. Here we are years later still going strong.

OLD is worth it as long as you keep your wits about you, and go for people who take the trouble to post up a good quality profile and is willing to start communicating by phone and meeting up. Protracted periods of texting and emailing isn't helpful because people hide behind that if they aren't genuine. DP and I met for lunch after 5 weeks (we would have met sooner but he was away for 2 weeks on a prebooked trip.)

I hope it works out for you.

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HormonalHeap · 14/08/2015 06:17

You are nowhere near middle aged!! All I can say is persevere. I was suddenly single at 36. I understand how depressing it is having to make an effort to meet these total non starters. But give people a chance till you suss out what they're about (you'll get quicker at this). I waited and met my dh online at 38.

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Salene · 14/08/2015 06:29

I met my husband on plenty of fish. I was his 1st date, he was my 21st date.

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FireBladeKlover · 14/08/2015 08:11

Keep going with it OP. Bit as a background plan. Narrow your search fields. Occasionally a man will contact you but there'll be less time wasting.

HappilyMarriedXpat, I messaged back some guy in his 50s (8 years older than me) he looked all right, neither handsome nor ugly, but I was messaging back to give him a chance). He asked me about something on my profile. I answered in a friendly but not flirtatious way. I asked him about something on his profile. I released my photo to him... and he hasn't replied! I don't feel rejected per se as I know in rl I wouldn't want him, but it shows me how much of a tool OLD is for men that they can be rejecting women, scrolling through all the matches....

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paulapompom · 14/08/2015 11:56

TTWK - that is brilliant, sending it to my cousin, we are single and signed up for speed dating in September. Would you consider that op? Come with us if you are in the north west.
(Laughed too much at the goods being odd, just out of hospital and stitches hurt! )

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NHSisfubar · 14/08/2015 13:14

I've had ok luck with OLD. Met my ex on match which lasted 3 1/2 years before petering out and then went on Tinder for a laugh more than anything. Had a few annoying flaky people let me down and one decent date before deleting it before Christmas then after Christmas got bored and reactivated it and met DP who I recently moved in with. I was his first date and he was my 2nd. So it does work just don't take it too seriously! Both my partners had been put on OLD by family/friends who were fed up seeing them single and miserable so they aren't all players or no hopers!

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TrueBlueYorkshire · 14/08/2015 15:07

A suggestion would be to move into a share house and start shagging your house mates.

Most blokes over think their conversations on-line, you need to meet in person to really judge if you are compatible, don't waste to much time in on-line chats.

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missmoffatt2705 · 14/08/2015 17:04

Someone further up the thread may have mentionned this already but I met my husband at a jive class, Ceroc. We were both in our late thirties at the time and now have been married 11 years with 2 kids. You don't need a partner to go - just turn up, with a girlfriend, or even alone if you are brave. You will learn to dance and you get to interact at close quarters with a large number of men over an evening. People don't tend to drink that much alcohol - more soft drinks as it is hot and great exercise - my friend lost inches off her waist with all the twirling around.
My sister met her husband via a Catholic dating website so it does work - maybe you need to be more choosy about the website?

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travellinglighter · 14/08/2015 17:44

I hate it as well. I have met people, I have had a medium length relationship(six months) and a short term relationship (3 weeks). I wanted to keep the first one and I was well rid of the second one(demanded I clear out some people off my FB page).

Still looking. Can’t think of any other way of meeting people and who wants to be single forever.

TL

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fishfortea · 29/08/2015 11:05

I am very new to all of this dating lark, whether it be on line or not. I have very recently joined an OLD but not paid my subscription yet. So far I have had a few men look at my profile, 1 has added me as a favourite. I am rather shocked at this as I have not submitted a picture of me - Could this be that he is desperate and exhausted all the women in the agency or doe it mean he has a lovely outgoing on life and doesn't care what I look as long as I am a nice person?

Perhaps I am too cynical for my own good!

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UrbaneFox · 29/08/2015 23:25

I've just watched Amy Webb's ted talk. I am much, much older than she was when she started her research, she was 30 and I'm well in to my forties, but I agree with her, be fussy.

fishfortea I'd say it's just an easy way of finding you again, every now and then he'll check his favourites to see if they've uploaded a photo since the last time.