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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To really hate online dating?

65 replies

twilightskye · 11/08/2015 08:36

I have tried it using both paid sites and also free ones a few times now and I just absolutely loathe it.

Unfortunately since my opportunities to meet men in real life are limited it's probably the only way I'll meet a partner (hence am 34 and never been kissed).

But AIBU to still not use it? And AIBU to think there's worse things than going into middle age single and childless - and that sounds so cold and empty.

And where did you meet your partners? Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
twilightskye · 11/08/2015 09:56

The thing is, if I'm going to meet anybody I will have to girdle my loins and get on the sites but I just can't bring myself to.

It's like forcing myself to eat foods that I hate!

OP posts:
pretend · 11/08/2015 09:57

Just don't do what I did, which is meet someone I thought was half decent and get pg quickly, just for him to turn into an abusive twat.

Don't make rash decisions because your clock is ticking.

Lavenderice · 11/08/2015 10:00

As I've said loads of times on here I had a absolute blast OLD. You do need to thick-skinned and an ability to see the funny side of most situations is a must.

I never treated OLD as a way to meet 'the one' just a way to meet some interesting people. Two years later I'd racked up some great dates, some hysterical anecdotes and the man of my dreams.

Original poster
twilightskye · 11/08/2015 10:01

I'm 35 next month and am yet to have a 'boyfriend' - I'm not prone to rashness Grin

OP posts:
StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 11/08/2015 10:13

try joining a few clubs or evening classes first and get out and about, see if anyone clicks, if not then try OLD

Mimigolightly · 11/08/2015 10:14

I met my DP on a free app after spending about 18 months and lots & lots of money on a number of paid sites.

I went on lots of dates with a variety guys. I had some lovely dates, some truly horrific ones and was stood up more than once. It can be really should destroying. I found that the key thing was to meet them early so you don't waste too much time exchanging messages, only to find that there's no spark between you when you finally meet.

Don't give up just yet and good luck.

Original poster
twilightskye · 11/08/2015 10:14

Don't know about clubs - only clubs round here are the Labour clubs which would be a great place to meet men except they are all over 60! Grin

OP posts:
Mimigolightly · 11/08/2015 10:14

*soul destroying (not should)

CatsandCrumble · 11/08/2015 10:24

Have you tried your area on the meetup website? My area has singles social clubs as well as specific interest groups. Might be a good way just to get to know a few more people.

Or can you friends set you up with a date? Have you asked them to?

Original poster
twilightskye · 11/08/2015 10:26

No, don't know any single men Smile

I've looked at meet up but to be honest it's time. My job is pretty demanding and shifts can change (medical.) Plus I have to admit most things I am interested in are quite girly anyway!

OP posts:
jiskoot · 11/08/2015 11:11

I feel your pain OP, I was in exactly the same boat as you only I was older! I've literally spent years signed onto and off of OD sites and had probably tried them all over the years. I'm 39 now and hadn't even really gone on a date or had a boyfriend Blush

I don't like pubs so couldn't try to meet someone there. I tried doing evening classes etc and never met anyone.

I signed up with match again a couple of years ago and paid for a three month subscription and a couple of weeks before it ran out got chatting to my lovely DP.

I would also advise you to stick at it, you have to filter through a tonne of rubbish but it can happen. Put on an honest ad as to what you actually like and would like to meet. My DP had a really down to earth profile, we chatted for a few weeks and he didn't mind that I didn't want to meet straight away which I saw as a good sign. We've been together 18 months now and really feel like it was worth waiting for. Not everyone needs to have lots of boyfriend's before meeting 'the one".

Good luck :-)

Original poster
twilightskye · 11/08/2015 11:14

Oh I love that story - thank you so much for sharing it with me! Smile Flowers

OP posts:
Higheredserf · 11/08/2015 11:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Janeymoo50 · 11/08/2015 13:48

Here's one to warm the cockles, I was 49 - single, lonely etc. Joined an online agency, messaged some people, some messaged back. nobody took my fancy until one popped up. Fairly close by, same age (roughly), but it was the sense of humour that won me over. We met. dated, moved in together and our wedding is 28 May next year.

AskingForAPal · 11/08/2015 14:05

Can I ask why you've never kissed anyone Twilight? Do you ever think you might have just not picked up on the signs when there was some good potential there? I just ask as I have some friends in a similar situations, I often feel they are blind to people showing an interest in them, or are needlessly fussy - decide they don't fancy people straight off, rather than getting to know them a bit. Not saying that someone who is utterly hideous and never washes becomes a different man after a few meetings, but most people are normal looking IMO and can become attractive if their personality/your interactions are great.

Writerwannabe83 · 11/08/2015 14:13

When I was 26 I work in a very female profession, I worked shifts that didn't allow for a social life and all my friends were in relationships, married or had children. I couldn't see any opportunity for meeting men and so I turned to OLD.

I initially joined a paid site and got two dates out of it - the first guy turned out to be a bit of an arsehole and the second guy was just bizarre.

I then decided to use a free site and messaged a guy whose profile I liked and we then chatted for two days before netting up. By our third date I was hooked and we moved in together four months later. We are now married and gave a 16 month old son.

It really is a case of working your way through all the weirdoes until you meet someone who you just click with Grin

Good luck on your dating journey!!! Flowers

rhnireland · 11/08/2015 14:48

I am currently 37 weeks pregnant with my first baby. I met my wonderful kind considerate husband online 5+ years ago and we married 3 years to the day after we had met.

I always say that you might meet frogs and freaks online but you know what you can meet the person of your dreams as well. And I am lucky enough to have done so.

Doing online dating was the single best decision I've ever made.

snowgirl1 · 11/08/2015 14:52

DH & I met on-line, he messaged me but lived quite a long way from me so we just chatted on-line for a while and then chatted on the phone, then met up (it was 3 months between him first contacting me and us meeting up). It is a roller coaster - you just can't invest too much early on as they

Places I found to be good to meet other single men were a Ramblers group that was especially for 20 - 30 year olds and holidays for individuals (not a "singles" holidays). Both give you the chance to chat to people and get to know them a bit. I found evening classes rubbish for meeting people.

You might not know any single men, but surely your friends/friends husbands might know someone they could fix you up on a date with?

AWayToGo · 11/08/2015 15:47

www.meetup.com

Lambbone · 11/08/2015 15:49

You need to watch this TED talk

How I hacked online dating

The presenter was having no joy with it, so did a load of research on what works and what doesn't. Worked for her!

And it's a jolly entertaining talk.

MrsMarigold · 12/08/2015 15:04

I met DH through OLD when I was 31 - he is the only person I met through OLD, he is wonderful, we are well suited and actually knew people in common.

However, I think when I met him it was a bit different as it was all quite new, nowadays it sounds like a minefield.

Have you contacted anyone you like the look of?

If I were you I'd just get a quick snog out the way, as it is probably adding to the pressure you feel.

Are you quite introverted?

AskingForAPal · 12/08/2015 15:24

I agree about the quick snog MrsMarigold, but didn't want to say! Also reflected perhaps the OP has resisted it for some reason?

MrsMarigold · 12/08/2015 15:30

I know she said she hasn't had much opportunity but opportunities are everywhere! I snogged a few people I met on public transport Blush.

Theycallmemellowjello · 12/08/2015 15:33

It's horrible, my sympathies. I think, unfortunately, it's a bit of a numbers game - you never know who you'll click with and it's a case of actually meeting up with people to see if you like them. Don't get bogged down in lengthy message exchanges - just meet up quickly for a drink/coffee. And don't be too rigid in your requirements. Weed out ones who are clearly mad otherwise unsuitable but beyond that try to keep an open mind - people are notoriously terrible at identifying who they're going to get on with or be attracted to, I think it's best to meet people in person to find out.

MrsMarigold · 12/08/2015 15:41

I agree meeting is the best way to separate the wheat from the chaff.