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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if you snog in front of your DC?

51 replies

AlmondAmy · 09/08/2015 23:12

I'm not sure if I'm being a prude here so would appreciate your perspectives. DP is very affectionate - too affectionate IMO. He can't pass me without touching or kissing me, every time the car stops he wants a kiss etc. Obviously the DC are in the back of the car and I don't like the idea of snogging in front of them. Being asked why daddy sticks his tongue in my mouth/squeezes my bum/looks down my top etc makes me cringe. DP thinks it's good for the kids 'to see we love each other' Hmm

Who is BU?

OP posts:
ShipShapeAhoy · 09/08/2015 23:15

If you're not comfortable with it then it's too much. That sends a bad message to the dc about consent etc I think. Sounds more touchy feely than I'd be comfortable with too.

WorraLiberty · 09/08/2015 23:15

Groping someone who feels uncomfortable with it, is never good. Just because he's your DP, that doesn't give him the right to do it whenever/wherever he wants - disregarding your feelings.

We cuddle in front of the kids/hold hands/give each other a peck on the lips.

But full on snogging isn't pleasant for anyone to watch. It's really not a spectator sport, so no we don't do it in front of the kids.

And if we did, they'd soon put us in our place!

WorraLiberty · 09/08/2015 23:17

Oh and WRT the kids 'seeing you love each other'...

Love is about far more than snogging and groping.

ouryve · 09/08/2015 23:17

We'll have a hug, a kiss and a brief squeeze, but usually sneaked in the kitchen while the boys are watching TV.

Besides, if they see us hugging, they want to join in.

Your DP needs to be more discreet, though. There is a middle ground to be had of being affectionate without acting like a horny teenager in front of the kids.

SerialBox · 09/08/2015 23:21

I wouldn't be comfortable with that either. I think it's important to respect boundaries and in this case your DP should respect yours and your children.

What child really wants to see their parents snogging?! It's unnecessary and personally I would have found it nauseating as a child. Even now at 26 it would make me uncomfortable.

Have you told him how you feel?

MyPelvicFloorTrainsItself · 09/08/2015 23:27

That would drive me mad tbh. Do you like it?

RJnomore · 09/08/2015 23:29

Well we do kiss I remember being shocked when my mum and dad did it. But groping and leering, not something I want to normalise for my dds.

Floggingmolly · 09/08/2015 23:31

He sounds like a dog on heat! Hmm Why does he feel the need to make an exhibition of you both every time there's an audience (of your kids, ffs!)

3lovelykids · 09/08/2015 23:31

We wouldn't dare the dog wouldn't allow it Wink

cleanindahouse · 09/08/2015 23:35

Too much if you're uncomfortable with it. Theres showing affection and then there's being sexual. Looking down your top is not affectionate.

ThinkFirst · 09/08/2015 23:36

We kiss when one of us goes out or comes home, we hold hands, snuggle on sofa etc in front of DC. We don't grope each other and DH doesn't stare down my top in front of them though.

Tell your DP the only thing he's showing your DC is that he doesn't respect your boundaries.

TheCowThatLaughs · 09/08/2015 23:37

It sounds like he's constantly groping you. How awful when he knows you don't want him to! Never mind with the kids being there too.

WorraLiberty · 09/08/2015 23:39

We wouldn't dare the dog wouldn't allow it Wink

Me and DH soooo know that feeling!! Grin

When the kids are in bed, we let the dog out for a wee and say, "Quick! We've got about 3 minutes to ourselves!"

foxmitten · 09/08/2015 23:43

I do agree that showing affection is important for children to see. My ds is not my dh's biologically, his father and I weren't affectionate with one another and ds wasn't really an affectionate child. When dh came into ds' life he suddenly started hugging and saying he loves people, because he saw dh and I doing it. Now he's 11 and a very cuddly, loving boy. He also seems more secure in his relationship with us.

Snogging and groping are too far though, they don't need to see that. We hold hands, cuddle and kiss and that is quite enough imo.

Original poster
AlmondAmy · 09/08/2015 23:44

No, I don't like it. I feel like he's always on the prowl for physical contact. Today I finally managed to distract clingy baby DD so I could put her down and go to the loo and DP practically ran in from the garden gesturing that he wanted a cuddle. I feel like I avoid eye contact otherwise he'll kiss me or tell me he loves me. If I don't respond he keeps repeating 'i do' until I say I love him too.

I think he's always done it but his comments are really starting to get to me, too. Today, for example, DD (3) asked which slice of cake he'd like and he replied 'a slice of your mum' while winking at me...!

OP posts:
TheCowThatLaughs · 09/08/2015 23:47

Eww! He sounds like a pervert. Not appropriate at all to make sexual advances and comments in front of your children

lostinikea · 09/08/2015 23:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SerialBox · 09/08/2015 23:51

Sorry op but that makes me feel uncomfortable reading that. Have you told him to back off? Or that what he is doing/saying is j appropriate?

SerialBox · 09/08/2015 23:52

Inappropriate*

beanandspud · 09/08/2015 23:59

Yes, I absolutely think it's good for DC to see their parents showing affection for each other.

And by affection I mean a quick kiss, holding hands, a hug or a cuddle.

Anything sexual isn't appropriate. Your DP sounds like he needs to control himself and save his 'advances' for when the DC aren't around.

Original poster
AlmondAmy · 09/08/2015 23:59

I have told him, but I shouldn't have to really should I? His response was that he fancies me so much that he would do anything any time. He seems to think I should take that as a compliment.

OP posts:
Original poster
AlmondAmy · 10/08/2015 00:03

I feel 'safe' at the moment as I'm sleeping downstairs with teething baby but am actually dreading when she starts sleeping better. After 14 hrdays with the DC (usually singlehanded) I just want to not be touched or questioned and to MN or read for an hour or so, rather than be expected to cater to him.

OP posts:
Szeli · 10/08/2015 00:04

We kiss but don't snog. DH did have form for bum squeezes but that had to stop when ds(2) started squeezing his friends bums after they kissed Grin he starts nursery soon, cant have him getting in bother!

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/08/2015 00:12

I recognize your name, OP. I think there are issues in your relationship. Big issues. It doesn't actually sound like your physical relationship is healthy at all. Do you want him to be like this even without the children around?

3lovelykids · 10/08/2015 01:08

Worra if we have a quick hug or peck on the cheek the dog thinks we are about to kill each other he's a tiny chihuahua but thinks he's a Rottweiler and barks the house down. Tis very irritating!