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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if you snog in front of your DC?

51 replies

AlmondAmy · 09/08/2015 23:12

I'm not sure if I'm being a prude here so would appreciate your perspectives. DP is very affectionate - too affectionate IMO. He can't pass me without touching or kissing me, every time the car stops he wants a kiss etc. Obviously the DC are in the back of the car and I don't like the idea of snogging in front of them. Being asked why daddy sticks his tongue in my mouth/squeezes my bum/looks down my top etc makes me cringe. DP thinks it's good for the kids 'to see we love each other' Hmm

Who is BU?

OP posts:
LarrytheCucumber · 10/08/2015 07:03

Holding hands, quick peck on the lips, fine. More than that, no. DH tells me he loves me several times a day, but we also tell the DC we love them. (They are 40, 39 and 20 by the way!)
It makes children feel secure to know their parents love each other, but they really don't need to know any more than that.

Pseudo341 · 10/08/2015 07:34

Snogging is sexual and not appropriate in front of children IMO. We'll have a cuddle which the kids will sometimes join in, and a peck on the lips. When I was bfing I just felt completely touched out and didn't want so many cuddles with DH but he understood that.

It concerns me that this man refuses to respect your physical boundaries. It's your body, he's not entitled to touch it whenever he wants. You need to have a really serious chat about this. If you're happier sleeping on the sofa than sharing a bed with him then something's badly wrong.

IJustLostTheGame · 10/08/2015 08:28

Did it in front of dsd the other week.
She was facetiming a boy and came down to show him off.

But that was for a laugh.

2 year old gets the hump if she sees her mummy getting hugged (that's her job) or daddy giving attention to anybody else.

Ledkr · 10/08/2015 08:43

He ran in from the garden gesturing for a hug?

He kisses you everytime the car stops?

What a weirdo, he sounds like sn inexperienced bafoon.
he also sounds insecure and controlling.

ShelaghTurner · 10/08/2015 08:50

If we are having a cuddle, say in the kitchen, when one of the children comes in then we won't necessarily stop but we would scale down the full scale snogging to a chaste kiss and cuddle. The 3yo always wants to join in and the 7yo will run a mile because she hates anything to do with love and kissing at the moment (despite being a very cuddly child). Snogging in front of children isn't appropriate.

NotYouNaanBread · 10/08/2015 08:50

We kiss (no tongues) in front of them and they always either launch themselves at us for groups hugs or start squealing "stop LOVING each other!!!" and giggling wildly.

It would be extremely inappropriate for DH to grope me, ogle me or in any other way treat me as a sexual object, whether the children were there or not, especially if I had made it clear that I didn't want or like the attention. It's not love that he is showing, it is sexual control, or at least that is how it comes across from your description. It's def. not a compliment.

TheMaw · 10/08/2015 08:55

Have you posted about him before OP? The kiss every time the car stops sounds familiar. You're not being unreasonable, this would drive me up the fucking wall.

clam · 10/08/2015 09:10

TheMaw, there was a thread like this but much more extreme, and I think it was deleted as was a troll.

FarFromAnyRoad · 10/08/2015 09:15

Have you actually told him you don't like it OP? Really told him? And asked him to stop? Because unless and until you do then I don't think you can complain too loudly. If this was my DP he'd stop instantly (and probably on his way out the door with his belongings) - there's really nothing worse than being pestered and pawed at. It reduces you to an object and it's horrid behaviour. You really need to tell him to stop. Will you?

Ragwort · 10/08/2015 09:16

Can't even remember the last time DH and I snogged Grin - after 27 years of marriage the novelty has worn off.

But no, we 'kiss hello/goodbye' in front of DS but anything overtly sexual is certainly not appropriate - in my opinion - but I recognise I am quite a prude!

KatoPotato · 10/08/2015 09:18

If you have sons it's not giving off a good message about consent?

SnapesCapes · 10/08/2015 09:19

My Mum and her new DH snog all the time in front of people. It's a bit revolting tbh.

I don't grope/snog in front of the DCs, probably because a lifetime of seeing my Mum's antics has put me right off. Besides, if I ever hug DH for a moment one of the DCs leaps on us and yells "pile onnnnn" and we're attacked by both. Pointless and a bit painful.

scatterthenuns · 10/08/2015 09:21

We wouldn't have a full on make out session, but we kiss, yes. We may even slip a tongue in - but not the type of passionate kiss that leads to sex iyswim.

tictactoad · 10/08/2015 09:26

You don't like this contact, you've told him you don't like it and yet he still does it.

He's overstepping big time. Does he disregard you about other things too?

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 10/08/2015 09:27

My husband is a little bit like this, he kisses me rather passionately in front of the kids. He's a bit more open about this entire department than I would like him to be. That said, we are affectionate and always have been and it doesn't scandalise my kids too terribly much.

firesidechat · 10/08/2015 09:30

Obviously the DC are in the back of the car and I don't like the idea of snogging in front of them. Being asked why daddy sticks his tongue in my mouth/squeezes my bum/looks down my top etc makes me cringe. DP thinks it's good for the kids 'to see we love each other' hmm

He's wrong. This isn't about love, it's about sex and display and possession. It's not healthy for your children to see slightly toned down expressions of your sex life.

I do think it's very important that children know their parents love each other, so hugging, kissing (not tongues) and snuggling on the sofa are good, what you describe is not.

firesidechat · 10/08/2015 09:35

How long have you been together. He does sound very needy too and who needs that kind of constant reassurance in a long term relationship?

Random kisses, hugs and "I love you" when you don't expect it are lovely, but to do this all the time devalues it and would quickly become tedious.

The real problem is that he doesn't want to listen to you and that shows serious disrespect.

Lightbulbon · 10/08/2015 09:36

Op you have made some very worrying comments on this thread.

sticks his tongue in my mouth/squeezes my bum/looks down my top etc

This ^^ isn't appropriate- it sounds like he's treating you like a sexbot. He sounds like a creepy sex pest who sees your body as his property to fuck with as he wishes.

The fact that you later stated that you are dreading sharing a bed with him rings huge alarm bells.

Does he always seek your consent before sex?

BolshierAyraStark · 10/08/2015 09:40

We kiss & are affectionate in front of DC, we don't full on snog or grope however.
The level of affection you DP requires would seriously get on my nerves, what he's doing isn't showing anyone how much he loves you.

starsinyourpies · 10/08/2015 09:46

My parents did this, I always felt massively uncomfortable and embarrassed.

AdoraBell · 10/08/2015 09:52

Snog, no and if my DH develops a habit of obviously looking down my top I will switch to loose fitting polo neck sweaters with whatever else he finds off putting.

You are clearly not comfortable with this level and type of attention so HIBU to continue doing it.

carriebrody · 10/08/2015 09:54

I was going to say we do, not all the time - but we do kiss/cuddle/occasionally a bum squeeze/flirt in front of the kids. However it's mutual and friendly - it sounds more like you're being sexually harassed in front of your children which is not a positive thing for you or them.

It's not demonstrating love, it's demonstrating that he can treat you as an object and ignore your wishes.

littlejohnnydory · 10/08/2015 10:20

Kiss, hold hands - yes

Snogging and groping - no. I wouldn't appreciate being groped or looking down my top anyway tbh, kids about or not. Your dh sounds a bit sleazy.

Wishful80smontage · 10/08/2015 10:22

We kiss we don't snog much anyway lol. We are affectionate though cuddles and hugs/kisses- dd normally tells oh off though she thinks mummy kisses are for her only.

Aramynta · 10/08/2015 10:35

We hug and kiss, the occasional hand on the bottom but nothing more in public or in front of the kids.

I would feel smothered by your DP too OP. My DH used to grab me for a hug at any opportunity but I had to shout at him to stop it because I was uncomfortable and claustrophobic, having had at least one member of the family hugging me at all times in a 24hr period!!!

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