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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask why having kids is expensive?

561 replies

HodgePodge23 · 08/08/2015 15:06

What do you need to buy them apart from toys, food, clothes and a few other bits and bobs here and there? I have an 8 month old so maybe things will get more expensive with time, but I really don't understand why people say having children is expensive. What are people spending their money on?

OP posts:

fourtothedozen · 09/08/2015 09:42

You don't have to send your DC on school trips abroad. NO is a word.

THanks for that advice that wasn't needed.

LittleLionMansMummy · 09/08/2015 09:42

That's crazy four we want to give ds the best opportunities but would neither have the money nor the inclination to spend that sort of money on a school trip. We don't even spend that on a family holiday for three of us. Such a shame for the dc who can't afford to go too. Sounds very divisive.

fourtothedozen · 09/08/2015 09:43

Children do need electronic devices at some point. Whether a phone, tablet, x box, laptop etc. Not to do so would be downright mean.

fourtothedozen · 09/08/2015 09:47

littlelion, that's the problem. It is devisive. The kids that did go are already the ones who spend the summer in Mexico, skiiing in the Alps in Feb, and a trip to Finland at Christmas. I know some children in low income families who have never been abroad at all.

grandmaster11 · 09/08/2015 09:48

They are dirt cheap now. I bought eldest dc a sony vaio for £100.

Egosumquisum · 09/08/2015 09:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hellionandfriends · 09/08/2015 09:50

I think technology isn't essential but it's very practical to have something - be it just a family lap top that's used intermittently.

grandmaster11 · 09/08/2015 09:51

Currently I am a student. We are on below 16k tax credits but it is still dirt cheap to me.

Artandco · 09/08/2015 09:56

I don't have teenagers so no tech needed in our house yet. However once at secondary I do think they will need at least a laptop each as nowadays almost all homework is set online and needs to be done most days so they wouldn't have time to share if both needed to work on one. A phone is also fairly essential at that age now children usually travel a fair distance to secondaries unless you happen to have one on the doorstep

Grand - we live in a one bed flat. Our rent alone is way more than £16k a year. So they wouldn't even get a crumb of bread on that here as nothing left. I'm assuming you get housing help somehow

Lightbulbon · 09/08/2015 09:57

What no-one has mentioned yet (not even red) is pensions.

The loss of your own and employers pension contributions even just on maternity leave, let alone any time sahming or pt working, add on compound interest over 40/50 years is much more than any of the other costs on here.

I once worked out that 1 years loss of my employers contributions would be £10k by the time I'm 70. (£30k job)

Multiply that a few times and it dwarfs everything else.

grandmaster11 · 09/08/2015 09:59

No we don't get housing help. We pay our own mortgage and always have done. I have never claimed housing benefit

BrieAndChilli · 09/08/2015 10:12

Are going to home educate (properly) then it will cost you a lot more than sending them to state school surely? Books and resources and subscriptions to educational websites and trips and cost of activities they can't do at home (drama, team sports etc)
When they are babies they have a mouthful of you food on your plate, even as toddlers it's easy to carve out a portion of your meal at no extra cost but once you have 3 children all wanting seconds etc food bill goes through the roof!
Clothes and shoes and school uniform and equipment for activities
Activities (although I guess you can spend as much as you want)
Days out and holidays
Even things like haircuts and first aid stuff (we go through millions of plasters for minor baddies just to stop them crying!)
Bedding and bedroom furniture and Xmas and birthdays and Easter and meals out double in cost

fourtothedozen · 09/08/2015 10:13

We are no huge earners, but we have loads of technology in our home. 2 PCs, 4 laptops, 2 tablets, 4 smartphones.

SEsofty · 09/08/2015 10:22

Loss of income and loss of earning potential while you look after them.

SEsofty · 09/08/2015 10:23

Term time holidays

AndNowItsSeven · 09/08/2015 10:32

Am baffled by the braces/ dental children receive braces 100% free on the nhs if they need them.

RedDaisyRed · 09/08/2015 10:39

Yes, pensions. On divorce women stupidly always just go after more cash now when in fact the family's biggest asset in some families is pension. The reason I did not mention it is I will work until I die and the business will yield an income so I will probably take my pension fund as tax when I hit 55 and bear the 45% confiscatory tax the state will apply to most of it - I hope the benefits claimants/wasted foreign aid and bloated state to which it will go will be grateful.

On school trips mine usually don't want to go and I would have loved it had they taken the opportunities of their private school and done say the China school exchange but they like home and they say skiing with the family (we are going on 26 Dec this year) is nicer with better rooms some a school trip and we just went to Barbados for a week so again they just prefer the family holidays to school trips. So don't assume it's only less well off children not going on the school trips. Plenty of us who could afford them don't go. There is little better for children than seeing your parents struggling to afford things actually so don't assume you are doing the children harm. It makes them appreciate what they have and work hard at school to get a good job to ensure they are not scratching around for money when they are grown up.

Grumpyoldblonde · 09/08/2015 10:40

No, you don't get free braces all the time, we paid £700 for one of our kids, that was NHS

var123 · 09/08/2015 10:43

Am baffled by the braces/ dental children receive braces 100% free on the nhs if they need them.

I suspect you haven't actually gone through the system if that's what you think.

It all hinges on the word "need". Too many people were getting NHS treatment for this so they restricted the criteria. Now it has to be really bad before your child qualifies, and even then each practice has limited NHS funding so even if you do qualify, you need to get in for the assessment early enough in the financial year before the funding is all used up.

You'd look at DS1's teeth and you'd think yes, he needs braces. But if he only has a 5mm overbite and the regulations say 6mm (say), then the orthodontist says no to NHS funding, but you can pay me £3k to do it as he would benefit from treatment although technically he doesn't "need" it.

UrethraFranklin1 · 09/08/2015 10:46

Easily baffled, aren't you? Also, not everyone here is in the UK anyway.
Try 5k for braces, that expensive enough for you?

RedDaisyRed · 09/08/2015 10:58

var, one of my teenagers has just had 100% free braces fitted very very well on the NHS. The only thing we've paid for which was his choice were a few brush things to clean between them.

shushpenfold · 09/08/2015 11:17

I used to wonder the same but don't any more.

Only thinking about DS1 at the moment (not my other two)......we have bought 3 sets of everything clothing related in the last 4 months as he's grown 4 inches in that time. He fits very few makes as he's a long streak of nothing....endless legs and a tiny waist, no hips etc, etc. Ditto shoes, ditto school meals which he eats 2 of or he falls over. If we go into town and have a sarnie out, he has 2, plus drink, plus cake and then needs the same again 2 hours later. He does DofE so he's had to have a set of everything conceivable bit of kit possible....easily £150 in one go, plus the walking shoes which fitted him for exactly 3 months (because we bought them larger) He plays loads of sport so has the correct fitting kit for each one, in each season. If he goes to a friend's house for a sleep over and you have to send them with some spending money or the other parents have to pay (we send £10 at least) You need to drive then there, which is a long distance if you live rurally. He needs adult tickets for everything and you can't get away with much free stuff, such as the playground as:
a. he looks like an adult at 14 to all the little ones and mums of little ones who don't realise that they're big marshmallow babies in giant bodies (he's a whisper off 6 foot!)

b. even if your younger ones are smaller, you can't go as the bigger one is bored as they can't really go in with them.

Essentially think about having to replace every piece of clothing you have as an adult, from winter coats and wellies down to undies, every year as an absolute minimum....some only last weeks. It costs an absolute fortune to keep up with him.

Ragwort · 09/08/2015 11:18

I still reiterate that a lot of the things being bought for children are 'nice to have' but not essential. It's a bit like buying a top of the range car and then 'complaining' that it costs a lot to run .

My teenage DS enjoys competitive sport and school trips but he understands that the equipment and cost of the trip is birthday/christmas presents (from grandparents as well who chip in) not in addition to an expensive gift.

I am sure he would like designer trainers/t shirts etc but he knows he is just not going to get them. He gets £15 a month pocket money into his bank account and can use that if he wants something posh - he is too frugal to spend his own money and says he is saving up for university.

Many trips can be educational and reasonably 'cheap' - we enjoy travelling but do youth hostelling/camping/house swaps etc. And his braces were free on the NHS. .

I was talking to a friend last night who complained that her teenage DS's phone bill was £75 a month - more fool her for paying it.

Ragwort · 09/08/2015 11:20

shush - I've never known a teenage boy to actually wear a winter coat so there should be a saving there. .

MrsJorahMormont · 09/08/2015 11:23

Childcare is the biggest cost. Their bloody shoes cost a fortune too! Also holidays go from expensive to outrageous as soon as your child turns two. As DD gets bigger the expense of clothes, food etc will rise.

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