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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be dreading leaving my baby in a creche?

67 replies

ApocalypseThen · 08/08/2015 10:28

Baby will be eight months when I go back to work in February so I've started looking at crèches. The best local ones are already booked up so I'm mildly fretting about leaving her in the ones no one wants. We're not local here so I can't rely on the local information I'd have at home.

Anyway, one of the crèches I'm due to view is part of a chain featured in a documentary about creche standards. It was not the same branch, but it was horrific to watch. What I don't know is how to judge what I see - maybe the same things happen everywhere?

How do you get over the stress of leaving your pfb at the mercy of strangers and how can you tell if whether a place is ok?

OP posts:

TheWhoOfWhoville · 08/08/2015 19:56

Also I'd say over 50% of the childminders I contacted didn't gave young children of their own if that bothers you

WeSailTonightForSingapore · 08/08/2015 20:37

Out of interest, what's te documentary that's been mentioned upthread? Can someone link or tell me what it was about, in a nutshell?

maggieryan · 08/08/2015 20:50

I think it could be an Irish documentary and it was by prime time called "breach of trust". It was horrendous. An undercover reporter started work in three different creches and she filmed everything. There were young kids left crying, one young child was forced to eat dinner, the girl in charge could be heard shouting "eat your fu'''king dinner", other children were strapped into high chairs for more than two hours and kids that were crying because they woke up were manhandled and forced to go back asleep. It was horrible viewing and it was a talking point for weeks. Our creche issued a letter the day after asking us to call in anytime and if we had any concerns to organise a meeting
The people involved were all fired. It was horrible. I'm sure if you Google you'll find it.

Writerwannabe83 · 08/08/2015 20:55

I returned to work when DS was 10 months and a nursery was never an option, I was always going to use a childminder.

I visited four childminders before finally feeling like I had struck hold with the fifth one who my DS now goes to. She is absolutely wonderful and my DS loves going there. She takes him on days out all the time and genuinely seems to adore him. She had two sons of her own aged 9 and 11 and they also adore my DS. Apart from my DS my childminder has another three mindees aged from 10m up to 3yrs. My son's social skills have come on leaps and bounds since he started there and I'm 100% happy with my CM and I completely trust her. She may not care/love my DS in the same way I do but I'm pretty sure she comes damn close

Original poster

ApocalypseThen · 08/08/2015 21:16

That's the one, Maggie, yes. Toddlers being thrown around on grotty sleeping mats like sacks of spuds, being shouted and sworn at for putting fingers in their food, a toddler locked in a room alone as a punishment, a miserable atmosphere, no joy. Just a long day of containment and aggression.

In some shots you could see the rows of little coats, shoes and bags packed by parents who went off to work that morning. They weren't different to me. They couldn't tell and I'm very frightened of making the same mistake.

OP posts:

maggieryan · 08/08/2015 21:27

Ah I know. It was horrible and really frightened me too. But honestly I'm sure the creche will be fine. Go down and ask the questions. Find out how many girls will be minding your little one. I always feel that this documemtery has made all the crèches up their game. Also go onto HSE website and there is a copy of all the inspectors reports from all the creches so check that out too!

WeSailTonightForSingapore · 08/08/2015 21:37

Good god, that documentary sounds horrific! It's hard just reading the summaries in pp above, couldn't watch the whole thing.

WeSailTonightForSingapore · 08/08/2015 21:40

Sorry to derail your thread op, was just curious what that was all about.

About finding the right childcare settings - it's mainly just instinct, I think. You will probably see a few underwhelming places before you get to one that just feels right (and ticks all the boxes in terms of meeting standards and regulation).

switswoo81 · 08/08/2015 21:47

The program was so upsetting.look it up was on rte. Shocking.

Everyone is different regarding childcare. We have no family around so couldn't have a childminder cancelling due to illness so I needed consistency . Only 6 babies in the baby room with two lovely older ladies. Popped in to drop deposit and owner brought me in to room to meet ladies unannounced and got a good warm feeling.

What I feel bad about is I'm looking forward to returning to work.. I love my baby to bits but I can't stay at home.

GoooRooo · 08/08/2015 21:53

I'm delighted to hear that duckydinosaur is going to pay my mortgage for me so I don't have to go back to work and leave my baby with a stranger.

museumum · 08/08/2015 21:57

I've chosen two nurseries. The first where did went at 6mo for two short days a week (9:30-3) we had to choose before he was even born! In the end dh and I viewed five and went with the one we just liked the feel of. It wasn't the highest rated by inspectors. But the really highly rated one we didn't warn to at all.
He LOVES it. He's been there 18mo and is so happy to go in, loves the staff and has formed relationships with the other kids.
Then we moved and we have had to choose a new nursery which da will start in September. This time I viewed two and again went with my gut. I very much hope it's as good as the current one.
I'm self employed so sometimes drop off late or pick up early and they're always having loads of fun when I go in and da would make it very clear if he didn't want left there.

GoooRooo · 08/08/2015 21:59

OP - DS went to a childminder from 3 months until he was 6 months and then went to a nursery, where he still is - he's now 3 years 5 months and LOVES his nursery. Unlike some of the other children, he has never ever cried when I've left him at nursery and is always delighted to go - it is just normal for him.

Nursery have helped with so many things including weaning and potty training and some of the staff have become good friends of mine. It's been useful to have people with lots of childcare experience to ask questions of when I've been unsure about how to tackle something (I was worried about his speech for example and together we put things in place to help it improve).

I'm expecting DC2 and she will be going to a childminder from 3 months too.

All you can do is go with your gut, ask other parents who use the childcare provider if you can.

IJustLostTheGame · 08/08/2015 22:04

I felt the same as you about nurseries. I opted for a childminder. Dd loved it. It was home away from home. Childminder was lovely, it was a home away from home. Dd loved crawling after their dog and cat and got spoilt and petted by the minder's teenage daughters.
Look for a childminder. I found them more flexible for the routine dd already had and if she needed lots of cuddles that day she got them.

motherinferior · 08/08/2015 22:05

I had a fabulous childminder.

Oh and ducky, I went back to work three days a week when my pfb was four months old and never regretted it for a moment. Actually I think going back to work saved my sanity.

amarmai · 08/08/2015 22:09

have you thought about a nanny share with a neighbour?

Purplepoodle · 08/08/2015 22:14

I put my baby in a month before starting back. I randomly dropped in at various times, picked up and dropped off at different times, even just peeped through the door (glass windows in all rooms) for a quick look. daycare was happy to do this, receptionist let me straight through and toddler room was just next to main door. their windows even looked onto front so you could have a peek through. it was very reassuring

CeCeBloomer · 08/08/2015 22:31

How pathetic and sad are some posters that come on a thread that basically they can't have any useful input into, just to put the boot in to a mother asking for advice on a really sensitive topic. Their children aren't going to benefit by being stuck at home all day with parents that lack basic empathy. Rant over.
Op - my dd goes to a Childminer full time who has 4 assistants and a max of 12 children a day so it's like a mini nursery and it's fabulous. She is offstead outstanding in all areas and when I go to collect dd I can see how happy she is there and how much fun she is having with the other children. She started at 12 months and the first couple of weeks were tough but she has settled in really well. Go with you r gut - my childminder particularly focuses on their emotional well being and relationships so when I pick dd up I hear more about how she has been,who she has played with and how she has interacted more than when she went to the loo and how much she has eaten (although I ask anyway )

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