To be dreading leaving my baby in a creche?

[ApocalypseThen]

Baby will be eight months when I go back to work in February so I've started looking at crèches. The best local ones are already booked up so I'm mildly fretting about leaving her in the ones no one wants. We're not local here so I can't rely on the local information I'd have at home.

Anyway, one of the crèches I'm due to view is part of a chain featured in a documentary about creche standards. It was not the same branch, but it was horrific to watch. What I don't know is how to judge what I see - maybe the same things happen everywhere?

How do you get over the stress of leaving your pfb at the mercy of strangers and how can you tell if whether a place is ok?

It's always hard leaving them to begin with. Look at as many different forms of childcare you can, visit, ask questions, do taster sessions and also follow your gut instinct. Remember that the parents are by far the greatest influence in the child's life, and no, childcare won't be an exact replica of your own life but why would you want it to be? I viewed it as another aspect of my childrens lives, not something in direct competition with parenting!

Fwiw my dd1 was in childcare from 12 weeks (normal back then) and my two younger from closer to 12 months. All of them thrived. 20 + years on all happy and well adjusted. Plus I have maintained a career so win win :)
I used a childminder and also nursery btw at various times for my three dc

Ps- childcarers aren't strangers for other than the first 5 minutes you meet them! Don't let the doom merchants put you off

Oh do fuck off, duckydinosaur, how is your response in anyway helpful to the OP? Go peddle your guilt trip elsewhere.

A good childcare provider, whether nursery or creche or childminder, will allow you to visit their setting as often as you need to in order to decide if it's the right setting for you. They will be happy to answer any questions you might have. Once you settle on a provider they will arrange settling in sessions, again as many as needed. By the time your child starts they aren't strangers! For my childminding business I have an initial face-to-face meeting with the parents outside of business hours so that I can discuss my policies, find out their requirements, and so on. Their DC is free to explore my setting while we're doing this, it's all child proofed and access is restricted to out of bounds areas. As well as the standards contracts and child record forms I ask for an All About Me form to be completed, if the child is old enough they can do it themselves. This asks about their likes/dislikes, favourite foods, habits, favourite toys, things they like doing, and so on. It gives me a starting point in getting to know them. Then I have a minimum of three settling in sessions - one with a parent in the same room, one with the parent on the premesis but out of sight, and one with out the parents. If everything is okay then they start doing whatever their normal hours will be, if I feel more sessions are needed then I schedule more sessions.

I would always choose a state or non-profit nursery over a chain. Private nurseries will always be trying to make as much profit as possible and they do that by skimping on staff and food costs ime - so lots of young, undertrained, cheap staff working there. The staff in children's centres are paid so much more, of course they are going to attract more highly skilled and highly trained workers.

Adult:child ratio and number of babies in a room are also really important factors. They should adhere to at least a 1:3 ratio, and really you want no more than 8 children under 18 months in a room. Research has shown that the more children in a group, the higher the level of stress for the babies regardless of the ratio of adults.

my dcs nursery is brilliant, was mildly anxious for my first one for a couple of weeks but totally fobe about leaving ds, I think they do a better job than me

that's fine...not fobe!

You can tell what a childminder does in her own home because everything is documented and records are kept.

Yes but if they're a bad childminder, they're hardly going to document that.

Really duckydinosaur?! Do fuck off dear!

Worra - yes but they are Hardly going to set up staged pictures of kids playing and studying and outings each day. To do that they might as well you know, just do the actual with the children.

I don't know if the op is in Ireland but if you are I presume your talking about the prime time exclusive. That was horrible and was heartbreaking for any parent who had to drop a baby in the next morning.
Fwiw my 6month old is starting crèche in September. I work in the school next door and see the kids skip in with the leaders. I have to trust these people with my baby because I want to work.

Plus childminders here are not always registered and even those that are definitely don't have the same paperwork as the uk

If I were in your position I would look into a childminder or even a nanny.
I would never leave a young baby in a nursery setting.

True Artandco. I'm just pointing out that you can't always tell by the records, what your child has done on a particular day, if you're dealing with (for example) a crap CM.

You are making yourself sound ridiculous Duckydinosaur
Many people need to work you know?
Thousands upon thousands of babies are cared for by loving Early Years Practitioners every day of the week, and grow up loved, secure, sociable, educated, entertained, and any other positive word you can think of.
What a downright nasty thing to post when the OP is clearly already unsure about what to do when she goes back to work.

I have always said childminder over nursery for a baby and my first went to a childminder 3days from 9mths plus a day of nursery from 13mths and then did 2 of each from 20mths until he left for school at 4yrs.

Ds2 is 8mths and starts childcare in a mth he is going to nursery 2.5 days then 4 days from 13mths we were sending him to same cm d ds 1 went to then last min she didn't have space as her assistant was going back to old job. Looked at lots of other childminder and couldn't find one we liked available on days we needed so we chose a nursery it's a very small nursery which made a big difference for me.

OP I understand your dilemma. My Pfb went part time to a childminder from when she was 4 months old and we've never looked back. However we got lucky - here in Ireland childminders aren't subject to the same regulations as in UK. However I would recommend at least asking around for known good childminders. I'm aware of some (in ireland) who have FAR too many kids under their care.

Due to a house move my PSB will be going to crèche (nursery) from 10 months. I'm not ecstatic about the prospect though it looks good. I am dreading the illnesses she'll pick up. But we do what we have to do. My husband and I have to work. Best of luck.

Carrie ds1 nursery part of chain yep scrimed on everything value sausages anyone - I was sucked in by Montesorri they never brought any Montessori equipment but made it!!!

Ds 2 nursery is a small independent nursery and is v similar price to ds1 but Inc eco nappies and wipes, fully organic menu and baby formula if you use it all in the price

Oh FFS ducky - what a ridiculous and pointless thing to say. How do you know what the OP's circumstances are? Why not suggest that her husband stays home then instead of leaving the poor mite with 'strangers'.

OP, 8 months is a good age to start childcare because they usually haven't started the attachment anxiety they get at 1+ (depending on the baby) so you can get them used to care outside the home. And I say that as a SAHM myself. Just started with a babysitter for my now 9 month old so she can get used to somebody other than me as I plan to go back to work now after a 4 year career break.

When I was in your position, I looked around whilst dd was in the baby room. I was really unsure, until I saw dd throw a tantrum and the nursery staff deal with it. DD had eaten some bread and butter and began to object to having her face wiped, she started flailing around and the nursery worker calmly laid her back in her arms, wiped her face and blew a raspberry on her hand (that dd was using to scratch at her face ). She made her laugh and I just knew dd would be fine. I hated leaving her though. I hated every second. My arms felt empty and I couldn't wait to get back to her. However, almost 3 years on and dd is just about to start school. On her transition report I was asked to write down what dd would miss about nursery. I asked dd and she said: "I will miss playing and painting and running around and all of the rooms and the garden and especially Miss Key worker because I love her". Go with your gut, embrace your feelings, it gets easier.

I'd try not to worry and go with your gut instinct once you've seen the place.

DS (7months) at nursery and really enjoying it. I like the fact that at nursery there's a whole team rather than just one person like a childminder (from the perspective of my sons carer being well supported ) and the environment is purpose designed for young children.

YANBU to worry a bit - that's your job - but YABU to worry too much if you find you like the nursery.

Our nursery isn't the most expensive and they didn't have a really long waiting list - but they do a great job and I trust them. Someone else I know sent their DC to a trendy, much more expensive one but wasn't happy with the care. I was told to ask about how long the staff have worked there as staff retention is a good indicator of a good nursery, a large proportion of our nursery's staff have been there 4+ years and some 20+ years!

OP I felt exactly as you do when I was looking for a nursery for my 8mo DD and I looked at 4. The one we picked was just 'us' and I love it and DD loves it - to the point where she will sometimes cry when it's time for her to come home!

Her first key workers have both left the nursery but we regularly meet up socially as they love my daughter and want to spend time with her. The staff who look after her now are just as dedicated and caring and I really am pleased we chose this nursery. The other three I saw I would not have been happy leaving her with them (one was OK but I still yet it wasn't quite right) so I would say you need to try and visit as many as you can and really get a feel for the staff and their relationship with the children.

OP it IS daunting leaving your child with someone else to care for them - you wouldn't be human not to worry but I promise you when you find the right nursery your DD will have a great time there.

I don't know if the op is in Ireland but if you are I presume your talking about the prime time exclusive. That was horrible and was heartbreaking for any parent who had to drop a baby in the next morning.

Oh yeah, we didn't have a baby at the time but I didn't sleep after watching it, I didn't think what we saw was possible. Definitely my mind is made up listening to you all, though, I'm not going to risk it. I was worried about pre judging, being hysterical and pfb, but I feel comfortable to do it now.

It's really difficult to leave them even if you're 100% happy with the childcare - so don't leave your baby anywhere you have doubts over. At that age I'd really consider a childminder as it's more homely and I think they build a better relationship with one carer. Personal preference obviously, but a nursery definitely wouldn't be my choice for a young baby.