...to wonder if life these days has lost It's shine, it is it just me?

[DangerGrouse]

I'm 37 and single. I have a two year old. I live an uneventful middle class existence on the south coast. I'm a part time nurse. I'm single by choice. I'm not sure if these things are relevant, probably. I don't have depression and I never have had.
I'm just wondering if anyone else has this nagging feeling that when you hit 30 life just feels a bit 'meh'?
So here's an example. I went today to an absolutely gorgeous national trust park with two of my close friends. They also have toddlers. We were there for about three hours. I just kept thinking "I'm not enjoying this". Why?! I was in a beautiful place with lovely friends and my lovely daughter and I was bored senseless. I drove home feeling so sad as if that doesn't make me happy, what will?
I went camping a month ago. Didn't enjoy it. Picnic on the downs. Felt nothing.
Spent the day at the beach, nothing.
Went to a kite festival with my friends, i couldn't wait to leave.
When I was a kid and a teenager and even a young adult loads of things were really fun. I enjoyed my friends, activities, days out, things felt brilliant and seemed so simple.
What the fuck happened? I can't remember the last time I was genuinely, genuinely happy. You know, that fizzy brained feeling of feeling brilliant about life. I had it loads in my 20's. When I turned 30 it's just all vanished. I didn't get pregnant until I was 34 so that didn't particularly make me feel this way. I wish I felt excited and happy about my life with my daughter, I'm not particularly. She's great, but I don't 'enjoy' life with her. I just trudge through it. I've a really good sense of humour and I find things funny, and I can easily make people laugh so I'm not some joyless old hag. I just don't feel 'it' in my heart.
Does anyone else (who isn't depressed) just feel a bit 'meh' about life and think it's lost it's shine? Is it my age? How do I make myself enjoy things again? Is it even possible? Should I join a choir?!? Get laid?! Mindfulness?! I'm taking St. John's wort and fish oils. No avail. God I don't know. I just want to feel joy in my heart again!!
Anyone else know what I mean?

Ohhhh that's definitely what I am. They'd have a field day with me!

I totally have the same thing OP. I have lots of exciting things happening in my life and yet I feel exhausted and flat with the thought of doing them. Most of the time I'd be happiest sitting in front of netflix with my dog and the duvet. As I child I distinctly remember loving life. Loving having activities to do. Now I purposely don't plan activities as I know come the day I won't want to do them.

It could be having a toddler and perhaps not seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. Lots of mundane routine. It might get better as your child gets older, if it really doesn't, it could be time to talk to someone x

OP- Are you me???

My god, you’ve just described me and my life exactly, even down to the National Trust Parks, apart from I don’t have a child.

In this past 18 months I’ve achieved so many goals, I should be proud and ridiculously happy, but I’m not. I just feel a bit vacant?

I have a wonderful DP, he suggests going for walks quite often, which I do, but I walk around places and just feel bored? I live in one of the nicest, rural parts of the country and I struggle to find joy in it.

I like you, have a good sense of humour and laugh a lot and make other people laugh so like you, am no joyless hag, but I just struggle to get excited about anything anymore?

I have a good social life and go out frequently to bars, pubs, clubs, festivals etc, sometimes I have the most amazing time, other times though and more often I just feel a bit numb.

I cannot find joy in the little things anymore.

Thank you allthatglitters I do find it incredibly comforting to know that I'm not the only one feeling this way. It takes the edge of my sadness to quickly think "it's okay, someone else feels this too". It's a symptom of today's society where everyone LOOKS like they are having a wonderful time (Facebook) but a lot of people aren't and it makes them feel worse.
Having a toddler hasn't changed how I feel or act particularly, I started to feel this three years before having her so it isn't that that's affecting it. If anything it comforts me to know I have her as a purpose and something I'm good at.

Justneedtovent - I hope it feels better for you that someone out there feels that way too!! Your life looks 100x more exciting than mine so I'm intrigued you feel the same way. And you have a partner.
What is going on with us eh?! X

I don't think being an atheist is a problem in the Church of England; it's more a community thing.

The bake-off evening sounds great fun; could you make it into a weekly thing to look forward to?

On a morbid note, I am starting to go to funerals of people uncomfortably near my age. That's made me think.

Fish - when I move I'm going to look into a COE church.
And yes we are making it weekly as it is lovely.
How old are you then? That is morbid but a fact of life I guess

I don't think you sound depressed - isn't this just what getting older is like? I'm 41 and very little makes me feel excited the way I did as a teenager or in my 20s when the prospect of a party or holiday filled me with precisely the fizzy brained sense of excitement you describe! I have 2 DDs and have recently moved to a larger house which has made me feel quite happy but in no way ecstatic! My children are now 5 and 8 and I remember feeling very ground down by how mundane my life as a parent felt before they started school. I really think that trying to get a bit of time for yourself would probably help, although I appreciate that can be hard if you're single. Sorry to sound unhelpful but life with a child and responsibilities is just not going to be as much fun as it was when you were young and carefree and everything seemed possible. I'd love to hear comments from anyone over 40 who still gets that fizzy, overwhelming sense of excitement and would love to know how to get it

I feel the same. I know my flat/depressed feeling is due to utter boredom. I think/hope getting a job will help but after 12 years as a SAHM (not through choice) it seems an impossible task to find work.

I don't seem to feel enjoyment from the things I used to love either.

Life is just plodding along with nothing exciting on the horizon.

I just wanted to add that I started to get the same feelings in my early 30s, a couple of years before I had DDs. Totally unscientific musings here, but I wonder if you brain chemistry changes as you age? In the distant past life expectancy would not have been much past 30 for most of us so not much call for the feelings of energy and dynamism you get when you are young. I'm sure someone who knows a bit about this will be along to correct me!

Nick your post is in a strange way sort of what I was hoping someone would say when I wrote this. I knew I would get a debate about wether I was depressed or not but I half hoped someone would come along around your age and say "hey that's just life". It's kind of liberating in a way. I can accept that.
I actually asked some of my friends the other day "when was the last time you felt truly happy in your heart?" And not one of them could really answer.
Box - I hear ya!

Hiya DangerGrouse,

Just throwing my two cents in

I too have felt like this recently. What has helped ME is a couple of things.

1- I have created a bucket type list of things I want to achieve, in this my fortieth year. So forty things, some very small ; decorate a room, learn to juggle, some bigger; run a 5k, volunteer somewhere, pass driving test etc.

Maybe you could do something similar with moving house being the biggie?

2- Remember you said you really enjoyed things as a youngster? Someone helped do that for you.

Be that person for your Daughter. When someone said that to me I felt a bit offended and thought it sounded so patronising but I realise that actually things had got a bit flat and that if nothing else I had to show my kids how to get out of a rut, how to learn to find what makes you happy (so you're not depending on someone else doing it for you) Create memories that they will speak fondly of to their kids {sounds a bit wet and fridge magnatey) but you get the gist.

Finally, just like you don't keep the same boyfriend as when you were 16 (heaven forbid) why should we keep all of the same friends? People change , go in different directions. I have very few lifelong friends and some great pretty new ones. Good Luck, hope you get your mojo back

I think "depression" gets bandied around far too much these days. Of course many, many people do get depression and it can be very debilitating, but I have worked with and known quite a few depressed people and the label "depression" is not a useful way of describing the ordinary, day-to-day ennui that lots of people experience. I should add that I frequently do feel very happy and content in my life. Things like going to the cinema alone on my days off, seeing my kids having fun in the sea on holiday and getting drunk on a catch up with old friends are some of the things which make me happy. However I don't ever feel the same sense of excitement and boundless possibility I did when I was younger.

I too think the word depression is banded around far too easily - see how many posters did at the beginning of the thread.

It's not external things. I am older than you are and feel as happy as when I was in my 20s and life is good. I bounce out of bed every day with loads that I want to do. I adore my career. I love the children. I have hobbies I like.

Surely it's about the balance of chemicals in your brain - seratonin etc so try some things that help with that - a lot more sex, say, getting out of breah exercise, more time in the sun with nothing on, lots of sleep every night, early nights, only drink water and eat healthy whole foods.

Completely unhelpful and belittling comments about depression being 'banded' about. Posters who have experienced depression would recognise the symptoms on the first post and would naturally want to raise awareness that this could be a possibility, which it could have been. It's no wonder people still feel stigmatised about mental health with these type of attitudes, honestly what a shitty thing to post.
I wish you well on finding some joy OP.

What shake? How dare you. What about when it's not depression but many unqualified people suggest it may be.
How is that helpful?

Great advice from Imfrankie re yr dd.

If you haven't already watched all three series of Green Wing, watch them now and talk to me about it. For some reason I discovered it 8 years too late.

Interesting point about different stages. The male midlife crisis is well known.

Not suggesting that op is Middle aged but something to think about.

:)

I don't think the discussion of whether you have depression or not is helpful. You clearly have lost your zest for life and this is not right and you shouldn't accept it.
I recognise a lot of your symptoms in myself for the last two years. I just kept going in the same bored rut. Everything just felt like I was going through the motions. Felt guilty because I have nice husband, kids, house, job, financially OK. What did I have to feel fed up about?
I was eventually given the name of a psychologist by someone who recognised my feelings were not OK. I had 6 sessions of compassion focussed therapy (a bit like CBT) and I have found my get up and go again and because I can be bothered to do fun stuff, I am actually having more fun. I have been to loud concerts again, on roller coasters, on holiday, got a new haircut and feel much better in my early 40s than I have done for the last few years. All of this has made me actually enjoy my day to day life more too.
Some would say I did have a mid-life crisis but I could never have got out of that without the help I got. I do think people change as they age but if you're not in a good place, you can't find joy in those new things. The 20 yr old me wouldn't have found joy in seeing a small child do their first ever roly-poly. That made my day today. Genuinely! There is a lot about having small children that is mundane and hard and I can now cope with all of that too. I still don't enjoy NT gardens though.

Chaise I will always dare when comments like banded about are used about a medical condition in such a way. The advice from the posters after the initial OP say 'see your GP', who would be the person perfectly capable of diagnosing, not the internet bloggers themselves, just to medically rule it out. Read them again.

I dont want to derail the thread as its moved on with some great advice.

I feel this way too!

Actually GPs are pretty bad with dealing with depression and can just hand out pills. A psychiatrist is often best for real clinical depression as they are the experts. My point about seratonin etc above is of course scientifically correct and pills can help that but so in mild cases can those other things I suggest.