...to wonder if life these days has lost It's shine, it is it just me?

[DangerGrouse]

I'm 37 and single. I have a two year old. I live an uneventful middle class existence on the south coast. I'm a part time nurse. I'm single by choice. I'm not sure if these things are relevant, probably. I don't have depression and I never have had.
I'm just wondering if anyone else has this nagging feeling that when you hit 30 life just feels a bit 'meh'?
So here's an example. I went today to an absolutely gorgeous national trust park with two of my close friends. They also have toddlers. We were there for about three hours. I just kept thinking "I'm not enjoying this". Why?! I was in a beautiful place with lovely friends and my lovely daughter and I was bored senseless. I drove home feeling so sad as if that doesn't make me happy, what will?
I went camping a month ago. Didn't enjoy it. Picnic on the downs. Felt nothing.
Spent the day at the beach, nothing.
Went to a kite festival with my friends, i couldn't wait to leave.
When I was a kid and a teenager and even a young adult loads of things were really fun. I enjoyed my friends, activities, days out, things felt brilliant and seemed so simple.
What the fuck happened? I can't remember the last time I was genuinely, genuinely happy. You know, that fizzy brained feeling of feeling brilliant about life. I had it loads in my 20's. When I turned 30 it's just all vanished. I didn't get pregnant until I was 34 so that didn't particularly make me feel this way. I wish I felt excited and happy about my life with my daughter, I'm not particularly. She's great, but I don't 'enjoy' life with her. I just trudge through it. I've a really good sense of humour and I find things funny, and I can easily make people laugh so I'm not some joyless old hag. I just don't feel 'it' in my heart.
Does anyone else (who isn't depressed) just feel a bit 'meh' about life and think it's lost it's shine? Is it my age? How do I make myself enjoy things again? Is it even possible? Should I join a choir?!? Get laid?! Mindfulness?! I'm taking St. John's wort and fish oils. No avail. God I don't know. I just want to feel joy in my heart again!!
Anyone else know what I mean?

Or, can you get more exercise? Endorphins are real. And you could train towards something, have a goal, see your body change, etc. Meet new people.

I was 39 and newly single (with 2 DC) when I first joined a gym. It transformed my life. I found after 20 minutes if exercise, I'd get a WHOOSH of endorphins. Reallllly strong feeling. And I'd listen to uplifting "fuck you!" music by Beyoncé and watch my thighs vanish. Bloody brilliant.

I've just remarried and have been feeling like you - REALLLLLY FLAT. So I'm joining a new gym and throwing myself back into exercise. It solves so many problems.

What funnyname said.

I've known for a long time that running helps keep me sane. Work has been so busy lately that there's been hardly any spare time for exercise. I've been feeling progressively more and more flat.

Then yesterday I went for an open air swim, then simply sat by the pool with my book for half an hour afterwards. Driving home I felt like a new person afterwards. Actually felt relaxed and happy for the first time in weeks.

You just need to find whatever it is that gives you the feel good factor. This isn't necessarily picnics or NT gardens.

Wow. Some lovely thoughtful responses thank you. Especially werks that was incredible.
Will try to answer your questions. The reason why I don't think i have depression is - as some of you have rightly pointed out- I can easily get out and do things. I can easily get out of bed and start the day and in some ways have a positive outlook to life - always holding out hope it will get better. I look forward to things and enjoy (to a point) other people's company. I like being sociable and I sleep very well and have energy. That isn't how depressed people feel. My toddler has been and still is - one of the easiest children I have ever heard of. She sleeps, she's well behaved, never ill, chilled out and funny. I don't find parenting hard at all so I can't blame that.
I do find the toddler group thing dull, I thought that would be more fun but it's not. I'm glad to hear that's not just me.
I would like to get out more and exercise. I should have more 'me' time I know that buts it's tricky when you're single. I'm about to buy a house so money is really tight so I can't afford gyms or clubs or anything.
I will get a mindfulness book thank you to who suggested that. Seems worth a go and there must be a reason people rave about it!
Things that give me the most pleasure is being around nature, having a good laugh with my friends, being at weddings and birthday parties (a shared sense of celebration) and - when I have a partner - warm intimate cuddles.
But all of the above happen so rarely.
I feel quite isolated a lot of the time, living in a big city I think does that to you. I look forward to moving house so I can be in the suburbs with a garden. I hope to make friends with the neighbours and become involved with the community more. Funnily enough I actually completely see the point of church for that community feeling but I'm an atheist so I can't really get involved in that can I?!
You're right I am bored and unforfilled. I thought being a mum would change those two things and it hasn't.
I probably do over think things too.
I'm going to get a mindfulness book today and see how I go! I will check back in here soon!

You're right I am bored and unfulfilled. I thought being a mum would change those two things and it hasn't.

This really struck a chord with me - I've just realised (honestly, just this minute) that I expected marriage would change my own boredom and lack of fulfilment! I think it's our expectations. You expected motherhood to be a glorious rainbow of happiness -- and it is, over a lifetime, but not every day. Looking back, you'll have a million happy memories. But in reality, you're probably collecting only one or two glorious memories each week, at the most, so actually 5/6 days out of every 7 are quite ordinary.

I thought marriage would give me a sense of security, contentment and joy... And it does overall, but I'm still the same scatty, up/down person I was before, just with more laundry. :-/

Moving will really perk you up. There are so many things to do, it's interesting and engaging. Stressful!! But at least you get a sense that your life is moving onwards.

I probably do over think things too.

THIS IS ME, 100%. I get into a funk and then just sit there trying to pin it on something, where really, I'm in a funk because I'm just sitting there focussing on the miserable parts of my life! Vicious circle.

I've noticed that keeping busy helps. I had a lovely neighbour in my old house, my age, who was forever getting stuff done. Decorating, gardening, cooking, cleaning... She never got flat or lost her oomph. Whereas I, the Great Thinker, just sat round wondering why I felt low.

Funny, I totally agree with keeping busy and not overthinking. However, one of the problems of looking after a toddler is that the toddler needs constant attention which prevents OP from keeping busy with other things. I should think OP is already busy with her toddler.

It was a particular hell for me to be forced to be constantly living in the present of my toddler but not allowed any headspace to think. I existed rather than thrived. It was so dull I felt like I was having an out of body experience whilst say in the park or with other mummies. Going through the motions, smiling but wondering when this would end.

The one thing that cured me instantly was going back to work.

I've raised two toddlers. I know exactly what you mean! The agony of walking at 0.0001mph as the toddler examines every leaf, stone, stick... But yes, you're right -- at the moment, OP doesn't have the chance to keep busy with engaging things. Only in the evening, when she's too tired to think straight. :(

OP, it will not be forever!!

i have felt the same way. very flat with little to look forward to.
at one point, i feel that the only next big day out or big occasion left would be my own funeral.

i think you could have mild depression and i think you should see your GP.

a move and change of scenery will be good for you too.
FWIW, i'm moving too. i need a change. i'm moving at the end of the month to a smaller town by the seaside. i'm hoping that change will spark a few other changes too.

felt not feel

Funnyname I'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing that you just realised the thing about being bored and unfulfilled. Probably both?! I do have faith that it will get better. And I cannot WAIT to move. I feel very stale in my flat like I'm treading water.
I'm glad there's an agreement that a NT garden is a bit boring for anyone under the age of 85. I need to stop expecting contrived scheduled fun to be fun. It's not. I had my mates round to watch the bake off on Wednesday and had a lovely time. Watching TV with your mates is more fun than an NT garden. Who knew?!
Calm - I'm so sad for you that you feel that way about your funeral?! Come and watch bake off with me in brighton if you like we drink a lot of wine!!
The thing about antidepressants is that i heard that they make you feel flat too?! I want to find happiness naturally in my life not just with chemicals. I don't know I'm v confused....!

I went on antidepressants for a while in my 20s. I wasn't keen. They took away the lows, but also the highs and just kept me in the middle. I didn't care about anything, really.

If you were really depressed, they'd be brilliant but I don't think you're really depressed.

Apparently St John's Wort is excellent for mild depression.

I don't think you're depressed either.

Honestly, vigorous exercise helps hugely. Especially sonething you've never tried before. It's a new challenge.

Are you happy being single?

I felt like you for most of the time between splitting with my older girls' dad and meeting my current DP, and tbh I was just bloody lonely and more than a little bit of having to be the "grown-up" all the time.

This sounds like I felt when I was depressed. I know some people think it doesn't sound like 'their' depression and of course it isn't necessarily. But I think that consulting with a doctor and getting some therapy sessions, as well as seeing what other options are out their (medication worked for me) is definitely not going to do any harm.

I think with the medication, it can affect people differently. I think it can make people feel 'flat' - my doctor told me that if I exhibited that symptom then I'd have to be put on something else - it's a bad side effect of the medication not an intended outcome. For me prozac did not take away the highs or give me any adverse affects.

I feel exactly the same as you, exactly. I have no feelings (sometimes anger I suppose). I'm never really happy, I get no joy out of anything I do. I'm currently on holiday, I couldn't care less. I'm not depressed either. I suppose I'm just bored!

Me to a certain extent, however I have realised its because I'm always thinking never relaxing and always 'on'
I imagine as a lp that could be magnified
I found yoga helps my concentration and the ability to zone out once a week, likewise a good film (for me drama/crime but not scary!) that ican focus on story on works- and banning phone for duration, and finally exercise -helps natural endorphins so the base level is higher iyswim
I have to say having been out for dinner with 2 friends about 4 months ago and crying with laughter I realised just how good it was to have that... Must rebook them in!
Think partially the knowing there are people worse off makes for guilt at non satisfaction with life, and the also having a is this it is a little lacking in direction
Hth

Saucy I'm not especially happy being single no but I've kind of given up on partners for the time being as I'm not great at relationships. I always end them as I don't feel they put into the relationship what I do. I'm very loving and affectionate and I rarely seem to find anyone that is on that level with me so I end it after about 6 months. I can't be bothered to look at the moment as I'm assuming it will be shit.
Oatcake I'm afraid your post made me smile as I know exactly how you feel! I rarely go on holiday anymore as they always seem to be rubbish and I don't enjoy them so I just don't bother now!
I'm so torn about ADs as I really don't think I have depression. Apathy, maybe. "I'm suffering from apathy doctor, got any suggestions??" Not sure how that would go down...
I would take them if they would make me feel joyful but don't you need to be DOING something joyful too? I don't even know what that is anymore. Except girly time with my mates and that's so rare as everyone has partners and jobs and lives and blah blah yap yap yap.
I'd love to be able to exercise more. I'll look into getting a good buggy and running with my daughter. And yoga. Although I have the balance and coordination of a newborn giraffe which might be tricky.
Anyone else got good stories about Prozac? I want to hear more..

Honestly before you medicate try expertise- a brisk 15 minute walk with a buggy is fine, if there is someone who could pop in and mind your Dc for a couple of hours one evening or afternoon so you can do something more vigorous all the better
The problem with ad's is they take a while to kick in and then are hard to wean off, it becomes more all or nothing

Also are you sleeping? Reg bedtime with no caffeine will help
Book in a girlie night even if miles away,be honest with them in a 'right I need a night in/ out before my mental health suffers please let me know a date you can do and we're there! Etc...

Chch I will def look into exercising more as I want to try all options before ADs.
I sleep very well as my toddler has always been a great sleeper so I can't blame that. That's another indicator that I don't think I have depression as I know that can cause insomnia and I don't have that. I wake up feeling refreshed and ready for the day and rarely feel tired. My toddler is such an easy child she doesn't even wear me out! I always have a little smile to myself when people automatically say to me "oh you must be exhausted having a toddler on your own, especially with all that lack of sleep" etc. I've never found this and consider myself very very lucky.
I've downloaded a running app and have ordered a mindfulness book so wish me luck!!

When I had pnd the doctor said for mild depression exercise was clinically shown to be as (more I can't remember) effective as ADs. It releases happy chemicals anyway.

I wouldn't rush to take brain-altering medications without very, very good reason! :) How about exercise DVDS and/or YouTube workouts at home at night, too? I should do that........

Another for for exercise here. The older I get the more I need to be outside now, walking, running, cycling, swimming, climbing mountains, anything but that's where real joy is. Makes everything else better, calms me when I'm agitated, happiness rubs off and spreads to the rest of life. You can go to church if you're not religious. Do an alpha course they'll soon have you roped in!!!!

What's an alpha course?!

depending on your point of view, a religious cult that seeks to recruit and indoctrinate, especially the vulnerable and confused.