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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit upset by this?

49 replies

Pestopastapeas · 07/08/2015 18:17

Best friend promised me dinner to a really nice restaurant for my bday, which was a few months ago. The idea being that she'd pay for both of us to go. She's just said that her boyfriend (who I really like) loves the food there and now he wants to come too.

Fair enough, but given that it's my birthday (not to sound like a princess) could she not just suggest he come another time? He's great but sometimes I feel like the third wheel

OP posts:
magoria · 07/08/2015 18:26

How about tell her to have a nice time the two of them and let you know when she is free for the pair of you to have an evening together?

Suzietastic · 07/08/2015 18:31

what Magoria said.

Bannerstaying · 07/08/2015 18:37

I was going to say the same. Just say it in the right tone though so not to cause upset. However, my friend was the same and i soon learnt that it was with him included or nit at all so get togethers became less often only because it wasn't the same so i met more frequently with other friends. We are still really good friends.

FenellaFellorick · 07/08/2015 18:37

I agree.
Be honest with her.
Say that much as you like her boyfriend, going out with the two of them will always make you feel like a gooseberry and it's really not what you want for a birthday meal.

It's always different when you go out with a couple.

The conversation flows differently.
Attention is split differently.
It changes the dynamics.

Original poster
Pestopastapeas · 07/08/2015 18:41

She's booked... I love her but she just said with a little laugh "oh I told him about it and he asked to come!" and I kind of just nodded. Oh well

OP posts:
Original poster
Pestopastapeas · 07/08/2015 18:42

They live together and see each other every day! Why can't this just be our night

OP posts:
tobysmum77 · 07/08/2015 18:43

I think yanbu but as she's paying its tricky. Enjoy the meal Smile

Original poster
Pestopastapeas · 07/08/2015 18:46

Thanks Smile

OP posts:
magoria · 07/08/2015 18:54

If she is that good a friend you should be able to tell her you want to spend some time with her and not her and her BF. She should be able to understand this without getting upset.

And changing a booking from 3 to 2 is not difficult.

cuckooflamingo · 07/08/2015 18:56

Is he a bit controlling? That sounds weird Hmm

Original poster
Pestopastapeas · 07/08/2015 19:00

He's not controlling, the opposite in fact. I think he just really likes the restaurant and she likes having him around.

I don't know how to phrase it, I'll end up looking like the bad guy! Not because she's horrible but how else can she retract the invitation? I just wish she had thought of how I would feel about ut

OP posts:
Georgiedawes · 07/08/2015 19:03

If she's paying you can't really complain. Are you sure she's still paying?

Salmotrutta · 07/08/2015 19:03

Is it "controlling" for someone to ask if they can come along too cuckoo?

Isn't controlling all about making someone else tow the line and do things you want them to do? Hmm

Original poster
Pestopastapeas · 07/08/2015 19:06

She's def still paying. Realistically, would any of you say anything? I think it could cause offence

OP posts:
Georgiedawes · 07/08/2015 19:07

I wouldn't say anything, but I would feel a bit put out

crustsaway · 07/08/2015 19:08

YANBU

Im glad they're really happy but no need to be joined at the hip. All a bit "lovely dovey" selfish. How long have they been together?

Original poster
Pestopastapeas · 07/08/2015 19:09

About 2 years. We're both mid/late twenties, he's early 39s

OP posts:
Original poster
Pestopastapeas · 07/08/2015 19:10

Thirties

OP posts:
AuntyMag10 · 07/08/2015 19:11

I wouldn't say anything as it will only spoil the evening no matter how nicely you say it.
For next time though, you can let her know when you are making arrangements that you would like it to be just the two of you.

TidyDancer · 07/08/2015 19:12

Totally what magoria said.

cuckooflamingo · 07/08/2015 19:15

Salmotrutta it seems a little controlling for the boyfriend to want to gatecrash what is clearly a girls' night out between two friends. Almost as if he doesn't want her to go out without him. But then maybe I'm a little jaded.

AuntyMag10 · 07/08/2015 19:18

People throw the word 'control' around too freely hereConfused
The op has even said he isn't controlling just that he liked the food there and her friend was probably just a bit thoughtless. Yes jaded you are!

Original poster
Pestopastapeas · 07/08/2015 19:18

cuckoo I get where you're coming from and can see how it would seem like that. He's the opposite though, very laid back and friendly.

They do a lot with his family though and often give his parents/brother and SIL joint presents of meals out. So maybe he thought this was a "joint present", bit weird to assume that but whatever

OP posts:
TwinkieTwinkle · 07/08/2015 19:19

Haha! That must be a record for 'controlling' being chucked into a thread for absolutely no reason whatsoever!

Original poster
Pestopastapeas · 07/08/2015 19:19

And like mag said he loves the food there

OP posts: