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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a bit upset by this?

49 replies

Pestopastapeas · 07/08/2015 18:17

Best friend promised me dinner to a really nice restaurant for my bday, which was a few months ago. The idea being that she'd pay for both of us to go. She's just said that her boyfriend (who I really like) loves the food there and now he wants to come too.

Fair enough, but given that it's my birthday (not to sound like a princess) could she not just suggest he come another time? He's great but sometimes I feel like the third wheel

OP posts:

Umbrellaofcherbourg · 07/08/2015 19:36

Op that's pretty thoughtless of her... Don't say anything though, you'll make it awkward at this stage I think

AtrociousCircumstance · 07/08/2015 20:10

I think you should say something and that its okay to say something.

Just in a light way: 'aww, I'd hoped it would be just us for my birthday and then we can plan something for the three of us another time soon?'

I think she's being a dolt. Of course you don't want to be the third wheel on your birthday meal!

Original poster

Pestopastapeas · 07/08/2015 20:22

Ok so she either has esp or she's an mner... I don't think she is tbf but fingers crossed

Just got a text: hi, table all booked for us 3!

I replied: oh great thank you! 3 as in you/me/mark? (Not real name)

Her reply: yes, hope you don't mind, he loves that restaurant :)

OP posts:

Umbrellaofcherbourg · 07/08/2015 20:35

Annoying that she didn't explicitly ask... But rather "told" you.

Think you're gonna have to suck it up OO

Umbrellaofcherbourg · 07/08/2015 20:35

AtrociousCircumstance · 07/08/2015 20:43

Rubbish. She knows you'd rather it was just the two of you but is putting him first. She's counting on you being too nice to say anything and just suck it up and let them have their way.

I don't think you should have to obey them in this way on your birthday. It's like a breezily issued order!

SinglePringle · 07/08/2015 20:49

It really wouldn't bother me in the slightest. More the merrier! I'd think 'oh that's nice, he wants to come and celebrate my birthday too!'

Original poster

Pestopastapeas · 07/08/2015 21:10

Ok thanks for the opinions. I will just leave now I think

OP posts:

Parmajan · 08/08/2015 00:34

This is a bit unfair of them OP

achieve6 · 08/08/2015 00:37

YANBU
I hate to say it but people who behave this way often aren't much good as friends

patienceisvirtuous · 08/08/2015 00:44

You could drop out with a fake illness day of dinner and leave them to it?

Loric · 08/08/2015 00:53

Reply back laughingly that he'd better remember it's your birthday meal and not a date. Just be clear that you expect it to still be centred around you (not in a I'm the queen of the universe kind of way) and it's your night not his. I've been on both sides of this and it can be tricky. So long as you like the bloke it can still be fun. Last time I was on the receiving end I jokingly said I wanted a crown to show it was my birthday. The guy (my friend thought it was a bit naff but I was chuffed) brought me cheap pound land tiara meant for a child and treated me like a princess the entire time. He was apparently my footman and she was my ladies maid. Made a change from the usual dinner where we just gossiped.

Loric · 08/08/2015 00:54

Basically approach it as a fun night out and chances are it will be. Approach it as him intruding and you'll be resentful all night and have a crap time

Smellyoulateralligator · 08/08/2015 01:02

What auntymag said.

I'd go along and have a nice time and invite her for drinks alone another time. Belated happy birthday btw

pillowaddict · 08/08/2015 01:10

I think I might reply saying is she sure they want you tagging along on their date, and maybe you could rearrange for another evening just the two of you. It is a tad PA but could let her know you'd prefer not to go as a three some and if she responds with do you mind? again maybe let her know that you don't mean it personally but you'd hoped for a night just the two of you. Depends how much you care though!

Gruntfuttock · 08/08/2015 01:16

Can't you view it as two people wanting to celebrate your birthday with a nice meal, instead of one, i.e. as a positive and friendly thing? You might really enjoy it.

achieve6 · 08/08/2015 10:49

Grunt, that's just putting on rose coloured glasses.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 08/08/2015 10:53

Yanbu, it's very insensitive of her, but I wouldn't say anything , I don't think its worth any upset.

Bingoismynamo · 08/08/2015 16:58

Just go op you'll enjoy it Im sure

Elsie212 · 08/08/2015 22:02

Please tell me her name doesn't start with "M".

I had a feiend who said she'd take me out for a thankyou meal.

Turns out it was only if I collected her & dropped her off (as she didn't want to drive herself or us) & as long as we went shere she wanted to go.

I accepted this but 3 hours before I was due to pick her up, she cancelled. We haven't spoken for over a year now. I no longer wish to be her Plan B.

I understand why you are peed off.

Maybe in a few days time you could say something about missi g the one-to-one you usually have & you hope to do it soon?

Elsie212 · 08/08/2015 22:03

Typos!

Friend.
Where.
Missing.

scarlets · 08/08/2015 22:24

It wouldn't bother me, if I liked him (as you do).

I've been to the cinema with my friend and her DF a few times recently - I've got to know him well, so now it's just friends hanging out together.

VerityWaves · 08/08/2015 22:32

Oh no!
How bloody boring of her. Why on earth would you want to play gooseberry? I find that really off key and would decline politely saying something like - aw no you enjoy your meal with John. Let me know when you're free and we'll do something nice soon!
Hmmmm

Purplepoodle · 08/08/2015 22:40

Her reply: yes, hope you don't mind, he loves that restaurant

she knows fine rightly that she has made you abit of a third wheel otherwise she she wouldn't say 'hope u don't mind'.

is there another person you could ask to even out the numbers?

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