Toddler Feeding

[Chunkymonkey79]

Am I being unreasonable spoon feeding my 19 month old for messy meals?

From 6 months we generally followed the traditional weaning route, but missed purees and instead always gave her what we were eating.

Anything requiring a knife/fork/spoon (eg weetabix, lasagne), we spoon feed her and give her utensils to 'help'.

Sandwich/crumpet/toast type foods I leave on the tray and leave her to it, but sometimes pop pieces in her mouth if she is messing about.

Now for the incident that has lead me to question myself...
I met a friend yesterday with my daughter (who I don't see very often) for lunch. She also brought her 20 month old daughter.

When food arrived she put her daughter in a highchair and left a plate of spaghetti Bolognese in front of her to eat by herself. She did eat some, and was very handy with a fork, but didn't actually eat enough for me to be satisfied that it was a filling meal if it were my DC. She made more mess than anything, but that doesn't bother me. If she is happy for her children to get messy thats fine by me!

I ordered food for my daughter (pasta) but I spoon-fed her while eating my sandwich one handed. My friend looked at me in shock and asked why I was spoon feeding, and commented she is a big girl now and shouldn't need to be fed by me. Throughout lunch she kept making comments about how clever her daughter is eating by herself, it's only a bit of mess etc etc... (I never once remarked on how her daughter was eating!)

I'm not fussy about her getting food all over her, that isn't why I spoon feed. I just want to ensure that she has eaten a decent meal especially as she has point blank refused any milk as a drink since 11 months! Any time I have tried to leave her to her own devices with a messy meal she just squashes it with her hands and smears it's everywhere and barely eats any of it.

What age is too old for spoon feeding? What do you guys think?!

Our rule with the youngest, who loved being spoon fed was she could be spoon fed up to the age of 3 she you wanted it, so if she was tired, poorly etc. Then at 3 she had to feed herself. Now 6 years later she uses cutlery and can cut up no problem. I'd never heard of blw until I joined mumsnet and a million other things I didn't do with my kids.

Take my Mums advice (she gave me when my first was born) "Do what you want" I've lived by this advice and they were wise words.

I still feed my 20month old at times. She forks/spoons a bit, she uses her hands a bit, and I spoon/fork a bit into her mouth if needed.

She gets side tracked with the highchair buckles, her sister, the Playdoh in the cupboard, a speck of dust...

As for toddlers deciding what a meal is? My toddler would have half a dozen bites of dinner, then tell you she's full, but wolf down yoghurt and fruit if produced. Clearly she's not 'full'. If someone spoons peas into her mouth then she's hungry enough to eat them. Sometimes toddlers can't be arsed with moving handing to mouth!

I prefer not to feed as I worry about feeding too much. I have never spoon feed DD1 but DD2 had purées from 8 months until 10 months so we could figure out her allergies.

Your monkey, your circus though! Your friend was rude to comment.

I didn't spoon feed at that age and would be somewhat surprised at someone doing so, but wouldn't dream of commenting on it negatively to them - your friend was very rude.
Interestingly, a woman at a children's group I used to go to was once very rude to me about the fact that I was NOT spoon feeding dd (aged about 2). She implied I was some kind of neglectful monster. Which just goes to show, what I have always known, you can't win, as whatever you do, someone will always judge you for it!

I still spoon feed DS (who is also 19 months) and up until now hadn't even considered it odd. I'm firmly with you OP - just don't think he would get a decent meal if I left him to his own devices. I actually set out two spoons with each meal - one for him to feed himself (which largely gets dropped before it reaches his mouth) and one for me to feed him. He seems happy enough with this so I'll carry on with it until either his self feeding improves or he stops eating from my spoon.

Some people need bigger issues to be worried about !