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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

ALBU to sell gifts kids have outgrown?

39 replies

Cuppaand2biscuits · 06/08/2015 14:55

I've just listed a load of toys on a local Facebook selling site. It's all stuff the kids have outgrown and don't use. The money raised will go to holiday treats, cinema, soft play etc. My 4 year old has quite happily helped me choose what can go as she understands we need money for treats.
Some of the toys were birthday or Christmas gifts from my cousin who has sent me a very arsey message saying she'd have had them back if she knew I was selling them . She doesn't have any dc and gifts were all given more than a year ago, probably 2 years ago.
AIBU?

Should I just give them to her (so she can sell them? Or put them in a cupboard?)

OP posts:

StealthPolarBear · 06/08/2015 14:58

They were a gift! You cannot possibly keep toys dc have outgrown unless you live in a mansion. It is ridiculous.

selsigfach · 06/08/2015 14:58

YANBU, does she think you should be keeping hold of them forever? Maybe she thinks you should be saving them for #2, or that you'd give them to her if/when she has babies. Either way, it's none of her business.

StealthPolarBear · 06/08/2015 15:00

We live in a reasonable sized 4 bed house with a garage. I am forever looking for stuff to charity shop. And yet we are forever overrun with stuff.
My dc have hoarding tendencies which doesn't help. Dd spent a long time crying last night as I threw out her bed sheet. It was old and ripped and had holes so it it was a strangling hazard. But she was attached to it. You can imagine the reaction when I suggest getting rid of actual toys

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 06/08/2015 15:01

If I kept everything given to dcs, my house would explode!
Keep a few favourites, and let the kids sell the rest. (Or at least benefit from the sale...)
Sounds like you are being sensible by letting her chose which she has finished with.

Summerisle1 · 06/08/2015 15:02

Oh, FGS! You give someone a gift for the pleasure of giving. It is then their property to dispose of as they wish.

Sure, I can understand someone getting a tad pissed off to discover all their carefully chosen Christmas presents up on eBay on Boxing Day but even so, the same principle applies. Once a gift has been given, ownership passes to the recipient.

But in this case, doesn't everyone dispose of outgrown toys, regardless of whether they were gifts in the first place? I know we did! YANBU at all. What a ridiculous reaction.

StealthPolarBear · 06/08/2015 15:04

I have to admit when I go round to friends houses they seem to keep more. I don't know how they do it.
"Oh here are their first little tricycles...here's every picture they ever drew and every lump of stuff they ever came home from nursery with...here's their first entire sumer wardrobe"
I've kept their hospital bracelets and the vests they came home in. A selection of the better drawings. And then all the crap I've not been able to get rid of yet. Maybe I'm just a bad mother!

nocabbageinmyeye · 06/08/2015 15:07

Yanbu your cousin is being ridiculous! Text her back and say "Dd is having clear out and has decided to sell what she no longer uses so she can put the money towards an item she is saving for, i think it's a great idea, she got so much use out it and now she can put it towards something new, the gift that keeps on giving" or "you gave it to her a year ago, did you think she'd never outgrow it, gobshite"

twinklexx · 06/08/2015 15:08

I expect my presents to kids to be sold/ passed on once they are outgrown. I thought that's what always happens. If they were gifts then ignore her, it's perfectly fine to sell them and use the money to fund more toys

MaxPepsi · 06/08/2015 15:12

It depends.

My SIL sold all my nephews thomas engines, which as a doting aunt, I had bought most of.

He wasn't consulted, they are collectors items and she kept the money to buy him presents from herself.

Totally out of order. Even now he comments on his lack of engines.

In your instance, your 4yo knows they are being sold. However, the money should not be used on things you would normally pay for out of the household budget.

FruSirkaOla · 06/08/2015 15:12

Your cousin sounds a tad silly. I have no recollection what we've given DP's DGD over the years, but neither of us would give a monkey's if the presents got sold or passed on.

Stanky · 06/08/2015 15:12

Once I've given a gift, I forget all about it. It's no longer my concern.

AugustRose · 06/08/2015 15:15

YANBU your cousin is being an arse. We have some well loved toys that have been passed down from DC1 to DC4 but other things are sold or passed on to others - you can't possibly keep everything and the money is used for days out, etc.

The only time I would think it was wrong would be in the case of my niece who sold some things that were still boxed and less than 6 months old - from her own mum!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 06/08/2015 15:17

When we packed up to move to Australia, DH tried to get me to sell Ds1's christening presents. I wasn't having a bar of that as a concept, because they weren't mine, they were DS1's - ok so he was only 18mo at the time, but that's not the point.

I think in Maxi's post, that was out of order too - because the mum sold the toys without even telling the child to whom they'd been given - but in the OP's case, the child has been involved and has agreed to sell the toys.

So OP, YANBU because you have done it in collaboration with your DD - but if you'd sold them without her input, I'd say YWB a bit U (My grandmothers had a bit of a history of doing this - my Mum lost all her toys aged 7 when her mother decided to give them away, and my father lost all his first edition comics when his mother got rid of them - they would have been worth a fortune now as well :( )

HolidayForever · 06/08/2015 15:17

I suppose it depends a bit what the gifts/toys were to a certain extent? I tend to keep quite a lot (if wooden or good quality especially, as I think they may be good for grandchildren, and that my kids may like their kids to play with some of their old toys!) but I admit we have a big loft to keep them in. If someone has spent ages choosing a gift, I guess it could be quite hurtful to see them being sold - why not sell them at a car boot sale or somewhere a bit more anonymous?

springalong · 06/08/2015 15:38

Well, rather than rock family relations, I would send a very polite note just saying that she had indeed given lovely gifts which had been very well played with but were now outgrown and time to be passed on to another family. Try and get in something about how they were such good quality gifts that although played with a lot there is still plenty of use for other children.

If she doesn't have children of her own she may not realise how the toy pile grows exponentially. And also how some things don't last but others remain very sought after.

Original poster

Cuppaand2biscuits · 06/08/2015 18:29

I did reply and said that I was sorry to have caused offence but the house was quite honestly overrun and long overdue a clear out. Honestly they have that much stuff I've forgotten what came from who. I asked what she would do and she said she would give it to a neighbour. Which is very kind but I have people I could give it to but I was bribing the kids with the cinema!
I was selling some girls megabloks (dc 2 is a boy and has been given duplo)
A Dora laptop which has a tiny black and white screen and I think she got it second hand anyway
A fisher price counting piggy bank.

She is the kind of person who takes offence to most things I should have been more thoughtful but I was so excited at my dd's willingness to get rid, had to act fast before she changed her mind.

OP posts:

crustsaway · 06/08/2015 18:34

You are not being unreasonable to sell them.. Not sure using the facebook site was the best way though. I'd be a bit peeved too.

StarlingMurmuration · 06/08/2015 18:37

Tell her if she doesn't want you to sell them and profit from her gifts, not to worry, you'll give them to your friend for her kids. Then sell them on ebay.

Husbanddoestheironing · 06/08/2015 18:44

Just wondering if you listed them as 'unwanted gifts'
I feel your pain with the hoarding children. Mine want to keep every piece of cardboard loo roll they have fashioned into a (barely recognisable) rocket and our house can't cope with it. It's big enough for 4 but not for 50 tons of stuff too. The worst thing is all the cheap plastic crap they seem to get given that breaks in 5 minutes.
Providing your children have outgrown the toys and are getting the proceeds I don't see she can complain really.

Starbrite00 · 06/08/2015 18:50

I don't think you are being unreasonable but I could prob see why she's huffy.
I bought my niece an expensive doll she wanted for Xmas, my brother doesn't have much money. His wife then tried to sell it 4 weeks after Xmas on facebook, never out the box.
This pissed me off.

CerealEater · 06/08/2015 21:41

Selling on facebook where the person can see is a little off so I can see why they were upset.

If they were gifts to the children then they should either get new toys or the money added to their savings from the sale rather than it be used as general household money.

LovelyFriend · 06/08/2015 21:46

YABVU - you must keep every gift anyone every gives you or your family FOREVER and honour it daily. You must build a special room to house all outgrown toys and keep them well dusted. WTF were you thinking?

(Clearly I'm being sarcastic and your cousin is an arse - teach your DC to ask her for vouchers in the future so they can buy stuff they want/need )

IAmAPaleontologist · 06/08/2015 21:58

i pass stuff on and sell stuff. if it is toys that will fetch a bit then i let the dc decide how the money will be spent.

i don't have the space to keep much. the odd story they have written, a picture that made me laugh, not much else.

bil spends loads on my dc, i am very aware that there is an expectation that the mountains of duplo and lego will get handed down to bil's as yet non existent children. fuck that, I'm not keeping 2 massive buckets of duplo in the cupboard plus it belongs to the dc,if they want to sell it to fund their current interests then I'm not going to stop them. ds1 sold a massive fire station from fil and bought a big box of second hand Playmobil knights which he plays with all the time. if and when bil has children than i will enjoy buying them presents as they have us.

Original poster

Cuppaand2biscuits · 06/08/2015 22:42

I am definitely not spending the money on more toys. We are totally overrun! Have promised a cinema trip and a day out somewhere. If I put the money in the money boxes my dd will pester and pester to spend it on toys.

I told my cousin that dd was looking forward to cinema and that I thought it important for her to see things don't always come for free and she said she understood but in future she would like first refusal on the toys. (So in future I suppose I will have to eBay them and pretend I gave them to playgroup)

OP posts:

Minicaters · 06/08/2015 23:25

YWBReasonable to sell them and spend the money on the family.

However as she has specifically asked, I would pass all gifts from her back to her in future. It's not worth falling out over the resale value of a fisher price pig. You can keep the general principle of bribing with cinema tickets without selling every single thing.

Also I think it's nice to encourage the idea of passing things on to others who need them more, too, even if it is your cousin's random neighbour. Your 4 year old might not be won over instantly but she will get it.

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