Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mumsnet Jury needed

69 replies

Didactylos · 05/08/2015 19:05

DP has just managed to burn the base of our steamer and nearly set the kitchen alight.(3 tier metal steamer on gas hob)
This is apparently my fault
I had prepared all the veg etc in the upper 2 layers and put the whole thing on the hob
I usually fill the base with hot water so had left it empty, and instead filled the kettle and put that on to boil
Said to DP 'could you put the steamer on' in passing when I was off doing another thankless repetitive domestic task
he switches on the gas but doesn't add water/check if there is water in it
(He usually puts cold water in the steamer and lets it boil there)
so we now have a superheated pan and singed veg
and are both totally convinced it is the others fault

We have agreed to abide by the overall opinion on AIBU as to which of us was unreasonable.

OP posts:
LateDay · 05/08/2015 19:48

If the veg was all ready in the steamer, the steamer was put together, and you asked me to turn it on, I'd assume you'd filled it with water. So imo, your fault.

Findtheoldme · 05/08/2015 19:49

His

goodnessgraciousgouda · 05/08/2015 19:50

His fault.

He has working eye balls doesn't he? A functioning brain?

Or does he always go by the literal BAR MINIMUM in instructions? If you asked him to put the kettle on, would he check there was any water in it first, or would you need to spell it out for him?

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 05/08/2015 19:51

Go 50:50 on a take away and make up.

RoganJosh · 05/08/2015 19:51

Hm. On one hand, you need to add boiling water, which you clearly couldnt have done yet. This makes it his fault.
On the other hand, you know he adds cold water, making it your fault. But then you would expect him to know that you add boiling water, so we are back to more his fault.
Also, adding cold water is wrong Grin

avocadotoast · 05/08/2015 19:52

In this situation I wouldn't have checked if there was water in it; if the veg was already there I'd assume the water was too (though if the kettle was boiling I might wonder). I think he's in the right here, sorry!

scallopsrgreat · 05/08/2015 19:53

Yep his fault. He shouldn't need detailed instructions to steam vegetables. And he should have checked way before it got to the point of burning the pan.

Ma77Black · 05/08/2015 19:53

Your fault OP but definitely just one of those things rather than incompetence.

WorraLiberty · 05/08/2015 19:54

Your fault for not telling him you hadn't put the water in.

LavenderLeigh · 05/08/2015 19:56

If you hadn't said anything, I would have checked.
But saying "switch it on" implies all you have to do is to put on the heat, so I wouldn't have checked.
Your fault - sorry!

londonrach · 05/08/2015 19:56

Sorry if prepared with veg in on hob id say you need put water in bottom to stop this situation happening. Mostly your fault..(hides)

ScrambledSmegs · 05/08/2015 19:57

His. If DH or I ask the other to put the kettle on, or other kitchen item, surely it's common sense to check there's water in it? We're not dealing with children here.

Pipbin · 05/08/2015 19:57

Sorry but I think about 75% your fault. You would hope that he would check that there was water in it but I think that it was fair to assume that there was water in it.

achieve6 · 05/08/2015 20:00

your fault, sorry
you just said, in passing you say? "switch the steamer on". so he did.

glad no one is hurt!

Viviennemary · 05/08/2015 20:00

I think he would just assume that it was ready to switch on. So it was your fault. But sounds like you're running the whole show. He has to take more responsibility in future. Next time he prepares the veg and does everything. Then there won't be any misunderstanding.

TRexingInAsda · 05/08/2015 20:01

Is the water thing see-through? (I don't cook - well, Probably better than your dh, though, haha).

If it's see through so he just had to have eyes and he'd know it was empty then it's 100% his fault. If it's not see-through then I'd say 50/50.

amarmai · 05/08/2015 20:01

the assumption behind the 50/50 seems to be that a man can not be expected to know or think about how a cooking gadget works .What year is this?

Original poster
Didactylos · 05/08/2015 20:03

ok, sorry to dripfeed but does it make any difference that he did exactly the same thing a few months ago?

and then we had a full and frank discussion of the merits of hot and cold water to start steamer (and still both believe our methods are the correct ones, obviously!)

and the sentence I used tonight was 'could you stick the steamer on please, the kettle has just boiled' which in my mind related the task included water and switching on without spelling it out in words of 1 syllable.

(Don't worry, weve made up, the rest of the meal was fine, and hes gone to take our son to a sports club)
Im going to sit here and compile all the replies here into a pie chart...
because that always helps all arguments Grin

OP posts:
RepeatAdNauseum · 05/08/2015 20:05

Are you going to do separate charts for before and after the dripfeed? Because I imagine they will be quite different.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/08/2015 20:06

If you said, "the kettle's boiled" I'm in Team Didactylos good name BTW.

wheresthelight · 05/08/2015 20:06

My 50:50 had nothing to do with men cannot be expected to know. It was based on the fact that if I was told to put the steamer on I would assume that it is fully prepared and all I need to do is turn the hob on and I am a woman!

Opening another bottle of prosecco as dp has been a thoughtless knob tonight WineWineWineWine

achieve6 · 05/08/2015 20:08

I'm sticking with my reply. He might think you told him the kettle had boiled in case he fancied a cuppa.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 05/08/2015 20:09

Still your fault even with the dripfeed . If it's already stacked and on the cooker then I'd assume the water was in it especially if you told me the kettle had just boiled and I knew you boiled the water first. I'd assume you were telling me the kettle had boiled so I knew the water was in . . .although I'd probably wonder why you didn't just turn it on yourself if the kettle was boiled and the water was in and it was sitting on the hob!

Original poster
Didactylos · 05/08/2015 20:10

very
sorry about the dripfeed
but DP has now read the OP and says my take on the evening was clearly biased!
he demands to be tried by a jury of his peers so I have given him a choice of Dadsnet or Return of the Kings Hmm

I would like to make 2 charts
One saying 'whos fault was it?' and the other detailing which is the correct method, hot or cold?'

OP posts:
achieve6 · 05/08/2015 20:14

why does he need to be tried by a jury of his peers, most of us are blaming you aren't we Grin

Swipe left for the next trending thread