AIBU about my house? (sorry, rather long!)

[velvetspoon]

Bit of background: Bought my house with my XP more than a decade ago. Plan was to double size of house by extension (done) which we'd then finish ourselves (not done). When we first split up, XP said he'd finish it, I gave him 2 years, he hadn't so I moved back in. With the intention of finishing it, except I haven't either.

So nearly 5 years on, it's still nowhere near finished. Some rooms are 95% there, others more like 50%, but it's now reached a stage where the 'good' rooms all need redecorating anyway. And it's just all a bit beyond me - it's a big house (14 rooms, plus a couple of big walk in cupboards) and whilst I have tinkered round the edges over the years (which has taken a lot of time nonetheless) there's almost nothing to show for my efforts. I've also tried to get people in to do work which has been pretty disastrous, either things have been done badly/wrong, or now I'm in the position where I can barely get anyone out to quote (I've spent hours ringing round) and when they do they're pretty rude, and don't want the work!

In an ideal world I'd give someone £10-15k (which I have, I've saved and budgeted for years to cover these costs) and say finish the lot, and it would all get done. All the new doorframes, skirting boards, plumbing, laying flooring/carpet, decorating etc. But I can't get anyone to do one job let alone all of it.

So, I'm now in a relationship, and long term (in the next 12 months or so) we would like to move in together. But he can't live here as it is, there's loads I'd need to do (not even finish it, but I've got to basically create 2 extra bedrooms, and complete 2 bathrooms as a minimum) , and I barely know where to start. Also understandably he doesn't want to live in my house forever, and has suggested I look into just cutting my losses and selling, because he doesn't think I'll ever finish it.

In it's current state my house is worth a minimum of £100k less than it's 'finished' value, so frankly I can't face doing that. Even if it cost me £20k to finish (it wouldn't), I'd still be at least £80k better off by persevering. Which is a huge amount of money to lose.

So AIBU to think I should (somehow) stick it out and finish it, rather than chuck away £80k? (I think I'm not BU at all on this).

If I'm right though, where the actual fuck do I start? I work FT, have limited evening/weekend time to do anything, and no-one to help (I can pay people, but I don't have any friends or family to give me a hand).

Advice would be welcomed, because me not doing anything with the house is becoming a bit of a sticking point with bf and I. I don't like being told I'll never finish it (he's not the first one to say that tbh) BUT otoh I haven't done much in recent years, so how am I ever going to get it done?

That's about right re the trades. There's nothing electrical to be done and no plastering. There's 2 rooms to be carpeted and one that needs other flooring laid.

Bf might be able to help with decorating, but he has his DC alternate weekends so his time is limited, and we both work FT. We have to get all the basics done before he moves in anyway, and at least some decorating.

I'm in South East London/Kent borders.

TBH I agree with Tracey, I'm in a very similar situation, although I can get the tradesmen, the ones that will do the work simply don't do it to my standard. I've discovered I can actually do a better job myself - at least I mitre the fucking skirting boards ffs. The only thing I won't do is plumbing (too scared), electrics (ditto, plus I think it might be illegal now if you're not qualified), and major tiling - I tried, couldn't do it without the proper tools. Everything else I've managed, even building open units in the futility room. I'm building built in wardrobes in the DDs bedrooms next.

Have a go at the easy stuff first, and build your confidence up.

I think your figures are wrong. I don't think it would sell for that much less in an undecorated state than in a complete one as you think. People nearly always now try to negotiate money off the price as the exchange date approaches. Whereas if you sell it as needing renovation, they're less likely to have bargaining power. And people do think they are getting a bargain with a fixer-upper.

I'd sell it as it is. Are you paying a mortgage? You have to add on possible further years of prevaricating costs too.

I don't think you are ever going to get it finished yourself. You seem to have the wrong mindset.

I'm curious as to why a 7 bedroom house (presumably at least 2 public rooms and 4 bedrooms) needed to become a 14 room house. 9 or 10 bedrooms? Why? Would anyone even want to pay that much to get such an excessively large house, as opposed to a space they can do what they want with themselves?

Just a thought but I live in the north and it's very easy to get a very good tradesperson around here. Both the decorator and flooring chaps that I've used recently are often on jobs in London and I'm sure there are loads of others.

So I wonder if you could find a way to look further afield and get someone reasonably priced (ie not London prices) who's keener than your London and South East tradepeople to get the work?

I'm not going to attempt anything to do anything myself other than decorating. I know my DIY limitations and I'd just end up wasting materials and frustrating myself further. None of my door frames are a standard size, so all the doors need to be cut to fit, all the skirting boards and door frames need mitre-ing etc, it's not a task I can complete.

It's not a 7 bedroom house. Not sure where that assumption came from.

When we bought it, there were 3 bedrooms. It now has 5 beds, 4 receps (one of which I need to turn into a bedroom), kitchen, utility and bathrooms. 14 in total. 5-6 bed houses are pretty typical in this area. Most people have extended their homes in a similar way.

I've thought of trying to get people to come down from other areas. A friend lives in the North West; recently tradesmen near her were looking for work for £60 a day. Our kitchen fitters (some years back now) came down from Leeds, were half the price of local fitters and did a great job.

Why not advertise up north, you have room to put them up! Maybe a friend wants some work, change of senery? 1) get a joiner. Thats it. One job at a time.

I think it's do-able with that money, unless tradesfolk down your way are on more than doctors and engineers?!

The bathroom you descrided as your 'worst' room would take DF 2 days to complete and he's semi-retired and slower these days.

14 rooms x2 = 28 days, add 12 contingency days

40 x £200 (it's around £70 here)
+
40 x £100 for an assistant

= £12,000 with vastly over estimated times and prices. 2 guys should get that done in a month

if you need a seperate carpet fitter they should be able to do the house in under a week

I am wondering, is your home fairly tidy, but unfinished, or is it more chaotic, and unfinished?
Also, at any point, have you made a complete list of jobs, in writing?
Have you had any workers at all, that have been willing do do any jobs?
It is just that it seems so crazy that every day people are talking about being out of work, willing to do anything to get by, and yet in 5 years no one has been willing to do some basic diy for you.

Have you tried getting your bf to call and book them in? I think lots of tradies are very very busy at the moment, our decorator is coming back to do the outside of our house and we had to book him in January to do the job in September. So they can all pick and choose. And I know from both experience and by reputation that some sexist tradies think women are (a) fussy and (b) change their mind a lot, so they prefer working for blokes. You might also probably have more luck pitching it as the whole big job (not little things to start) and offering to pay them by the day rather than quote on the lot.

Most rooms are fairly tidy - the bathroom where work is needed is a functioning bathroom, with the shower area unfinished. I store the materials to finish it in that area, which perhaps isn't exactly tidy but it keeps them in one place and makes it easier to show people who come round to quote. The house in general gets quite dusty but short of dusting every day there's not much I can do about that.

I have a complete list. I've not had anyone interested in doing everything. I've had some work done by a friend of a friend I then fell out with (not related to the work) other stuff done by someone who was useless and I had to let go. I've had a few people interested in the work who quoted reasonably as well, but they then never got back to me when I said yes lets go ahead! One became ill and closed his business. It's just been one thing after another!

I do think some blokes take the piss because I'm a woman. However my bf is pretty busy himself and I'm not sure he's willing to spend hours phoning for quotes when its not his house.

I've had a couple of suggestions by pm (thank you!) hoping one of them might work out.

I think the problem is in the affluent SE, people have so much work they can take their pick. It's slightly different but I'm also learning to drive and have had a devil of a job getting a driving instructor. Several are not taking pupils, or only have spaces in the middle of the day, or are completely unreliable (cancelling the day before etc).

Im SE and had the same trades person problem, they wouldn't turn up, would t email quotes, it was bonkers!
Eventually got a friend of another trades person.

Does your ex not know anyone?

Ahh, I see what you mean OP about the rooms. You did accidently give the impression it was a huge place with the 14 rooms comment.

If you did sell it, where would you and DP and the 4 DC live instead? Would you have to rent a 6 bed house???

Can DP help you at all (e.g. could he buy a mitre saw and fit the skirting boards)?

Put it on the market at a high price, while you also try to get someone in to do the work.

I bought a house where the previous owners hadn't finished the work.

They tried to say it was 20k work to sort out. We got the house for 100k under asking, after they had it on the market for 2 years. It easily cost us 100k to fix up just to an acceptable standard. More to make it lovely.

We have experience with hiring trades, we are good at project management and are nice sensible people to work for so I doubt we could have got the work done any cheaper.

If the estate agents are knocking off 100k thats because they think buyers will think it will take 100k to fix up.

If you are right, it would really cost £10-15k to fix up then put your house on the market reflecting that.

If the price is genuinely a fair reflection then, in the south east, someone will pay it if you are willing to wait a year or so.

I have twice put houses up for sale at higher prices than the EA said was reasonable (both quirky). In each case they sold for even more than I wanted. So, EAs aren't gods when it comes to pricing something unusual. They do tend to be bang on the money for "ordinary" houses though.

If your ex will get 50% of the 100k extra then surely he would take a couple of weeks off work to come round and finish it off? I think that's another sign that it is more work than you think.

I second the suggestion of using a handy man, one job at a time (expect to pay £150-200 per day and he/she might easily take a day to do an awkward sized door with new architrave and door furniture).

Well it is a big house. It's not a mansion but it's double the size of an average house. Anyway, that doesn't really matter.

My Ex and I don't speak. At all. Havent for several years. He wouldn't piss on me if I was on fire so the chances of him doing anything are less than zero. It is unlikely he will get half the increase in value.

Re selling, yes we'd need a 6 bed house, which would cost double what I currently pay as mortgage to rent (and my mortgage is a lot) or in this area £600k to buy. Which is why I'm in two minds about selling really.

I have a mitre saw (and practically every other tool you can think of) My bf wouldn't be prepared to do the skirtings, it would take him too long. And it's not his house.

I think you should just sell it as a renovation project. I know that's not what you want to hear but your ex didn't finish it in two years, you've had longer without any progress and you are not making any headway with finding workers to complete it. Let it go and make a fresh start. Good luck with whatever you decide, it is a tough one!

I'm in the SE and when I advertised a particular job on one of the websites it came back after 1 week saying (can't remember exact number but something in the region of) 1134 people have viewed your job you have had no offers. Took me 6 months of tearing my hair out and a rant on FB to finally get work to start. 1 friend offered her husband and 1 offered her father. Work has been underway for the past 7 months.

I was in the position that the building work will, by the time I am finished have cost me around £80k but the difference between selling as it was and selling done up is around £200k.

Mine was a 4 bed bungalow that we have had to completely remodel. We have been down to bare brick and rafters and have been/are living on site with 2 teens and 7 cats.

My other half is a tradesman. 15k doesn't seem like much for the amount of work you need doing. Also, at the moment, it seems like the trades are really busy in south and south east so that'll be why they aren't getting back to you very quickly.
Where are you based? I'm wondering whether OH could get a team together. Feel free to pm me

I've been a partner in our building business for 30 years and have a couple of comments.
Your budget is way out - you mentioned "keeping a handyman going for 6 months" yet you have only £10 - £15K, which is to pay for some materials as well.
The work you describe sounds a lot more than a few odd jobs, lots of joinery work [non standard sizes too, always more expensive than off the shelf] flooring and plumbing all over the house, not confined to one room.

Tradesmen hate picking up from other people's work - especially if it has been done by an amateur, as t is often done to a poor standard and they then get blamed for the original workers mistakes and/or the customer wont pay to put them right.

You seem to have fallen out with a number of tradesmen - has word got round that you are difficult to work for? Not saying you are, I don't know you, but builders do talk to each other!

I you have had a number of quotes all around the same amount, then you need to re-visit your budget, sorry!
If I were you I would make a list of what needs doing room by room - then ask for detailed quotes. When you show the builder round, know exactly what you want don't just waffle vaguely. If your house is cluttered and full of stuff, tidy and thin down the piles of stuff, builders will factor in time spent clearing rooms of furniture and clutter.

Or you could sell as it is - "doer uppers" often sell well as people like to put their own stamp on a house.

You say it's unlikely your ex would get half the value, but I don't think you should do anything until you know that for sure!
Have you not got your Consent Order yet? (If you were married)
Be very careful he doesn't swoop in and taken you hard won profit!

My retired parents have an excellent man that comes in to do lots of work on their house.They have bought the materials a lot of the time and pay his labour costs.He's very reasonable I believe and works to a very high standard.They are SE so let me know if you want details.

I've not 'fallen out' with anyone. Several blokes came round, made some shitty comments about my house and then either didn't quote or gave a stupid quote. I did get rid of a plumber because his work was poor, which has since been confirmed to be the case, so wasn't just my opinion! I've not argued with anyone however I have had the piss taken out of me in various ways, which I strongly suspect wouldn't have happened if I was a man.

I've had very few quotes, because as a pp says you spend weeks/ months persuading people to come round, then they do and you spend weeks more chasing for a quote which 9 times out of 10 you never get. Quotes I have had have ranged vastly in price, experience leads me to believe the lower ones based on 150-200 per day are more realistic than the It'll take me a week and quote comes back at several £k ones...

The problem with selling is where do I live then? As said I'd have to spend £600k or close to it to get a house the size of mine. Longer term I'm planning to move to a cheaper part of the UK, but we're stuck in this area for the next 10 years.

As for my ex, the legal position is complicated but we weren't married, are not joint tenants, he didn't pay the deposit and he hasn't paid any mortgage in 7 years. So it's unlikely I'll have to pay him any more than at worst a share of any profit.

Your ex hates you though, so could really push it. Surely better to buy him out now whilst you've got estate agents prepared to value it at £100K less?

I hear you on getting tradespeople to come back to you, it is hard.

Well if your boyfriend gets to live there with his two children, I suspect he's not going to oaying you the going rate for 3 rooms if you took on lodgers. So why wouldn't he pitch in and make the place to his standard?

Also, if you're getting quotes for a "job" at 3k and they tell you it will be a week - are you asking how many people will be working? That is usually for a team of people not one or two.

It's not bf's house. So he'll encourage me to do stuff and will prob help once I'm at the decorating stage but isn't willing to do more than that, nor would I expect him to really.