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AIBU?

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Original poster

Disabled through the back door

111 replies

jammypuddingmonkey · 05/08/2015 10:11

How unreasonable is it for me to be cross about someone saying that a disabled person is only allowed to use the back door for access, that they shouldn't want to use the front door? It feels a bit like disability discrimination...

This is in the house they live in, not a commercial building, nothing to do with anything regarding making the house accessible either. It's not that a ramp is only to one door, or anything like that.

The front door is nearest to the road. The back door isn't usable alone for the person, because of construction faults with it. The front door is usable independently.

The front door is accessible, but apparently is only to be used in an emergency, not day to day life.

So... The disabled person shouldn't answer the front door, or use it at all, they should only use the back door. It's not access within the house, it's literally that- you shouldn't use the front door, only the back, because you're disabled. Said almost like that, too... Previously said that the person should spend most of their time in the back of the house, too.

I'll add that there's ramps to both doors, both are widened. You have to pass the front door to get to the back door anyway.

Anyone an OT? Is this honestly the official opinion? Disabled only allowed to use the back door? Should stay out the main rooms? Hide away? There were worse comments made... I won't go into it all, too long! Wink

Or is this expecting too much- wanting to use the front door...

This has been said several times to us. But yesterday was said directly- why do you want to use the front door?Hmm why?!

When so many other things are taken away by disability, so much independence lost and having to accept that, something small like deciding to use the front door because its easier surely shouldn't be a decision made by anyone other than the person who lives there?

OP posts:
TheHormonalHooker · 05/08/2015 11:16

I agree with Penelope too.

The OT's can't make a perfect house. There will be things that the disabled person can't use. No matter how many times you complain it won't change that.

Dawndonnaagain · 05/08/2015 11:16

The OT can fuck off to the far side of fuck and then fuck off some more. If the person living in the house chooses to use the front door, that is up to the person. I would be reporting the OT concerned. You are being bullied by the OTs and I would suggest Citizens Advice as your first port of call.

Original poster
jammypuddingmonkey · 05/08/2015 11:21

Both doors are widened. Both accessible. Both OK to use, although back one swings outwards and so can't be shut easily when he uses it himself, so he doesn't use it very often.

Ramp goes from drive to front door, dips and joins ramp to back door. So it's the same ramp really, in two parts. The front part had a minor repair, this was fixed by slapping metal on it- it's now a waterside for a wheelchair in the rain. We didn't know they were doing it like that, would have fixed it myself if we'd known...

A new OT came out to see the ramp. He wanted to know why my husband uses the front door. It's irrelevant to the metal ramp repair- it has to be used to access both the front and back.

It's just what he said, the lack of personal choice, when both can be used, why inform someone they shouldn't use something, like that. He'd not been in the house, never met us before. But felt he could tell my husband he can't use the nearest door. The ramp has to be used, to reach both doors.That's not in question, it's his choice.

Just doubting my ability to see it clearly, for what the comment is.

OP posts:
maz210 · 05/08/2015 11:22

If you've clashed with the OT perhaps you could ask for a different one?

Can your husband use the front door as it is? Or is the problem that the back door is already adapted but your husband would rather have the front door adapted instead?

Sorry if I'm being dense but I think I'm still not fully understanding the problem.

I found my OT was very helpful so if she'd asked me the question "Why do you want to use the front door?" I would probably have just replied with the facts/opinions for my preference. It sounds like you were already annoyed with the OT before the conversation started.

COPMyourselfon · 05/08/2015 11:22

Rather aggressive Dawn!

All things being equal a person should be able to use the door they want to. However as an OT I would not support someone uses a front door if it has steep steps and no handrail if the back was level access.

This is not the case in the op situation as would that is more complicated. I just wanted to make it clear that we cannot always give people what they want if needs can be met in a more practical (and yes cheaper) way. That does not mean I should go to the far side of fuck!

COPMyourselfon · 05/08/2015 11:27

So as I see it OP the ramp will need to be repaired to reach either the front or back door?

In that case just get the OT to recommend the necessary repairs and get on with your life through whichever door your husband chooses!

I have no idea why he would say what he said with no explanation. It seems v odd.

Itsmine · 05/08/2015 11:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dawndonnaagain · 05/08/2015 11:30

COP
You're an OT, it's not meant for you unless you're the OT concerned. I'm well aware of how the service works. Under the circumstances explained by the OP, the OT concerned was being unreasonable, rude and bullying. That is no reflection on the service you are offering.

londonrach · 05/08/2015 11:53

Depends on context. In my clinic the disabled access is via the back door as the front door has three steps.

Original poster
jammypuddingmonkey · 05/08/2015 12:01

Honestly, both doors are accessible. Not a question of anything needing to be done to them anymore. The back one isn't perfect, but we don't care anymore, not asking for that.

If we'd sat passively by, my husband would still be housebound. As it is now, we both work and we have a chance to improve our lives. It's fighting, though, all the time, for everything that most people take for granted.

I don't have time or the effort to fight anymore, sooner put the effort into our business tbh. Gives us more choice again.

Just, sometimes, it gets under my skin.

OP posts:
Triliteral · 05/08/2015 12:42

I too am confused. From what you have said, your husband can use both doors, but there is a hazard affecting both when the ramp is wet. Is that correct?

It makes no sense that I can see for the OT to suggest at random that the front door should not be used. Was it in response to a discussion you were already having?

It makes no sense that knowing your DH can use both, he would randomly forbid the use of either. It sounds like a misunderstanding from one side or the other. More context is required regarding the way the front door discussion began before it is possible to assess who WBU.

mollie123 · 05/08/2015 13:27

you went to the ombudsman !

maz210 · 05/08/2015 13:36

OP, you do sound unnecessarily annoyed about this from what you've posted. Under these circumstances, if the OT asked why your husband needed to use the front door surely you would just reply that it's irrelevant why he wants to use the front door as the ramp will need to be repaired regardless in order for him to use either door.

You seem to have taken the OT's question as being indicative of a disablist (is that even a word?!) attitude. Would someone with this kind of attitude train as an OT? I think this is a misunderstanding fueled by your frustrations about having to fight for your husband to retain his independence. It's understandable that you feel anger about the the situation in general but I think you may have misdirected that anger at the OT.

I'm disabled and I don't think that this question would have annoyed me to this extent. I'd have just replied factually, maybe in a WTF? tone if I felt the question was a bit condescending or unnecessary.

ArendelleQueen · 05/08/2015 13:48

This is bizarre. It sounds like you seem to think that the OT was implying that disabled people should use back doors only?! Confused Am I barking up the wrong tree?

mommy2ash · 05/08/2015 14:27

To be honest this reads like you have misunderstood what was said I would love to hear the other side of the conversation.even your op reads very differently to the actual situation

RachelWatts · 05/08/2015 14:51

Sounds to me like the OT could be one of those people who think family and friends use the back door, while people not known to the household use the front.

My in-laws have this system - anyone knocking unexpectedly at the front door causes a flurry of activity as keys are found and vacuum cleaners moved out of the way.

Being asked to use the back door is a sign you've been accepted into the fold, and wanting to use the front door instead would cause confusion and hurt feelings.

Floggingmolly · 05/08/2015 14:59

They haven't forbidden your dh to use the front door Hmm. Just suggested it may not be necessary, for reasons you don't seem clear on and you didn't bother to ask for enlightenment.
Why are you still seething about this?? Just use whatever bloody door you want!

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/08/2015 15:09

I feel like there are chunks missing.

Is the OP saying everyone should use the back door? This is how my DPs and I still use their house. You go through your front door three times and carried every time Grin. The front door is births, deaths, marriages and posh guests. The back door is friends, family and normal use.

My childhood friend, who I haven't seen in decades came round to visit last time I was home. She looked embarrassed and said, "I didn't feel right using the front door".

Littlecaf · 05/08/2015 15:23

OP, I appreciate you are annoyed, however your posts are really confusing.

There doesn't seem to be a reason why your husband can't use the front door, so just use it. If it's because it's unsafe when wet then ask them to change it. The OT has to weigh up accessibility, function, cost and safety.

Original poster
jammypuddingmonkey · 05/08/2015 16:56

Hmm this isn't what we went to the ombudsman about! Really don't think they take on off-hand comments... The fact we had to take it that far means they labelled us as troublemakers (even though it was upheld, and they were told to sort themselves out, to abide by their own rules etc...).

I have no idea what the OT was on about.

Some ots are awful. The majority I presume

OP posts:
Original poster
jammypuddingmonkey · 05/08/2015 16:59

Are lovely and helpful! (posted too soon). And I feel theyre frustrated by not being able to help more...

Next time I might offer them the back door to come through.

It's just an odd comment and I don't know why someone would say it, and its been going round my head.

OP posts:
ArendelleQueen · 05/08/2015 17:00

Well, some of is have no idea what you're on about. You're not being very clear about what the OT actually said, so how on earth can we know if you're BU?! From what you've said, I suspect you didn't listen and got the wrong end of the stick.

SoupDragon · 05/08/2015 17:03

Is your Dh able to use the front door?

If yes, then I fail to see what the problem is. They can't make you only use a particular door.

youareallbonkers · 05/08/2015 17:06

If this is work they paid for then of course they should be annoyed. If this has been done for them then I don't really see they can complain

honeysucklejasmine · 05/08/2015 17:18

It sounds like this to me....

A ramp repair made the front door too dangerous to use when we, as it would cause the chair to slide.
You asked for it to be sorted.
OT suggested you use the back door instead and not bother with repair, expressing that they thought everyone used the back door anyway.
You feel that the botched repair effects both doors equally so needs doing, and you want to use the front door.

Is that right?

FWIW I hate using back doors but that's due to the style of houses I live in. The majority of houses in my town are accessed round the back, and the front doorways are used as a sort of junk space come boot room, and would cause a right kerfuffle if someone tried to enter that way.

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