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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children in pubs

122 replies

Bleakhouse1879 · 04/08/2015 00:36

Is it unreasonable to take young children in to pubs?

This evening whilst I was enjoying a birthday pint, there were two ladies with their children in the pub, the children ran round the pub, climbed on the furniture and screamed and shouted. This continued for nearly an hour. Being a rather polite young man I didn't want to cause a scene so I left the pub.

I would like to know if there is a form of etiquette when approaching the parents to ask them to keep their children under control.
I understand children can get a bit mardy and it may be difficult for a stressed parent to bring under control, that's why I want advice from you my wonderful Mothers on here. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
SuperFlyHigh · 04/08/2015 15:57

RambingRosie seeing from your posts I can only assume that you are one of 'those' parents who give the others a bad name and that you expect the pub and it's staff/clientele to parent your children... nice.

Woolyheads · 04/08/2015 16:28

I think pubs are adult places. If I go to one for a family meal I telephone in advance to check for certain my child will be welcome. And then I ask when we arrive where they would like us to sit, as I have brought a child in and so it is on me to be polite and courteous.
In my opinion OP you had every right to complain loudly enough to shame the parent.

youarekiddingme · 04/08/2015 16:32

It's unreasonable to let children run around a pub and ruining others enjoyment.

In future I'd approach the manager and voice your disappointment. I wouldn't approach the parents themselves!

MrsE · 04/08/2015 16:34

I work in a pub part time and we allow children in up to about 8.30pm. The pub does have a huge garden which is safe for the children to run around and at least one of the parents is always out there. If one starts to misbehave then they are swiftly pulled up by one of the adults.
If they run around inside then we ask the parents to stop them. It's all about good manners from everyone.

ApocalypseThen · 04/08/2015 16:40

( as I rushed out to calm them down so as not disturb people, but not quickly enough for some of these up tight miserable arses).

Your baby/toddler was outdoors in a pub without you? That's very...unusual.

SuperFlyHigh · 04/08/2015 16:41

MrsE there that sounds much better and more commonsense. I'd expect most pubs to be like this too. hopeful smiley

bigbluebus · 04/08/2015 16:50

I think the problem here is not children in pubs but parents who don't parent. It is never acceptable for a chld to run around anywhere where food and drink is being carried around - and that includes the kitchen at home when cooking is happening.The parents will be the first to complain if hot food/drink is spilt on their precious child.

My DS (who has SN) was often taken to pubs/restaurants as a youngster but he always had a book or gameboy (on silent - that was the rule) to occupy him. He learned how to behave in a pub because we taught him how to behave.

Having recently been on holiday in Italy, I observed many children out in restaurants quite late at night and all were well behaved and sat at the table. Guess what - they were all German/Italian/Scandinavian - no British!

I think it would be a shame to ban all children from pubs just because some parents can't teach their children about appropriate behaviour. How are they ever going to learn if they don't experience these things. But if the parents won't teach them then someone else should step in and explain the rules - either the staff at the pub or other customers if they are feeling brave and hopefully shame the parents into controlling the unruly behaviour.

Squeezedmiddlemummy · 04/08/2015 19:07

I think a few years ago pubs would be a big no no! But most pubs these days are aimed at families. They are pub/restaurants, they have highchairs. Our local has a pub garden with a play area for children.
If I didn't want to see children, I wouldn't go to one of these.(us mum's like a break from Kids too sometimes,our own and other people's ) Its pretty obvious which pubs they are. If I wanted a drink with my mates I wouldn't go to a family pub at lunchtime, and I refuse to believe that these kids were in a pub after 7 in the evening.

I'm actually getting really fed up of people wanting to ban children everywhere they go.
Maybe you should go to somewhere where you would be hard pushed to find a young child, there are countries where the number of births are at an all time low, and if you do see one in one of these countries, they will be impeccably behaved because of their severe disciplines.

We can't have it all. Can we? When you have children, I'm guessing you will never step foot in a pub ever again, and your children will be perfectly bahaved, and if they are not, you will never leave your house.

SuperFlyHigh · 04/08/2015 19:13

squeezed I'll pm you the name of the pub shall I?!

I wouldn't have kids in a pub after a certain time either, 1. Because I respect the fact that other people may not be as enamoured with them as I am and 2. Bedtimes!

Strange that the 2 parents I know offhand put their DC to bed at a sensible time and don't drag to pubs.

Babies are a bit different with sleeping patterns and I saw lovely parent with toddler sibling when I was out.

SuperFlyHigh · 04/08/2015 19:15

squeezed also most pubs these days where I work and live aren't aimed at families sure they have family friendly areas but I know of at least 2 where stuff goes on that little Mabel wouldn't like to see.... Both day and night.

RedToothBrush · 04/08/2015 20:33

After 7pm is FINE if the child isn't a little shit and the parents are not taking responsibility. 9pm is the legal kick out time and frankly getting to the pub and being done by 7pm on a weekend is nigh on impossible.

I think pubs are no different to a café at lunchtime in this respect.

The issue is behaviour not the establishment or time.

says she who has just returned from restaurant with 11 month old

TheOddity · 04/08/2015 20:49

I think it is the kind of pub you go to, not the time etc.

I agree if it is set up as a family pub with high chairs, kids menu, crayons then it is fair game. I hate all the artificial deadlines, it sucks the fun out of parenting for me.

We live in Italy and here in the summer holidays the kids are still out socialising with the parents at 11pm. In fact DH and DS (age 4) are out for an ice cream right now (10pmish). They may stop for a drink at a bar, it's no big deal here. They don't segregate children in that way. Children are seen as part of life and not something to stop adults socialising. BIG BUT is that the kids are kept involved, the adults interact with them, they are used to social situations and don't tear around restaurants, cry or moan in public places and if they do it's home time!

MamaLazarou · 04/08/2015 20:55

A pub is no place for children IMO

tomatodizzymum · 04/08/2015 20:57

TheOddity just what I was thinking.

I think tolerance, frequency and discipline are the magic ingredients that make this work in latin cultures and the lack of those are mostly why they fail in the UK. I do find though that when we are in the UK we are seen as the spawn of satan for having our children out past 7pm or in adult spaces, even by my own parents, so we don't really bother.

TiggyD · 04/08/2015 20:58

Children should be allowed in when they can buy a round.

Loafliner · 04/08/2015 21:09

Superflyhigh we've taken our kids for a pre-dinner drinks in a pub in Exmouth Market in London.... they were welcome till 9.00pm. It was full of office workers, we were in a booth in the corner and left for our table at 8.00pm, i seriously doubt we had any negative impact on the customers in that pub, I doubt they even noticed us.
Our dcs accompany us into lots of pubs, coffee shops and good restaurants - we don't do kiddie restaurants and they have done since they were babies. If they can't behave, we go home, it's that simple.

slightlyeggstained · 04/08/2015 23:10

TBH, when I lived in a town centre and had all sorts of charmers puking and pissing outside my front gate every night, I'd have been delighted if the pub culture had changed to be a bit more "family friendly" - i.e. about socialising, eating, generally behaving pleasantly, instead of neck as many pints as the bar can shove down you.

Isn't expecting kids to be banned after 7pm encouraging this kind of obnoxious binge culture? Pretty hard to get a meal down and out by 7pm if you only finish work at 6pm.

gatorgolf · 04/08/2015 23:30

We live in a village and loads of people take kids to our local and its not a food pub, although they have two large rooms so like the kids not to be in one of them. I suppose they can be quite loud sometimes and would disturb someone having a quiet drink. I would be annoyed if someone complained that only came in now and again when we are regulars. The regulars who don't want to be around kids tend to sit in the other room. No way would I take a kid in a town pub!!

maninawomansworld · 04/08/2015 23:33

It is usually pretty obvious what kind of pub it is when you go in.

If you go into a pub advertised as 'child friendly' or as a 'family' pub, if it has climbing apparatus outside or a soft play centre attached then you should expect a healthy number of boisterous children to be present and some sort of associated noise and a bit of running around and YWBU to object.

If on the other hand you go to a slick Michelin starred place, a swanky shiny trendy place with a Maitre D' on the door or a rustic old gastropub with sleeping dogs by the log burner and comfy leather archairs then YWNBU to object. In such places children should sit down nicely, keep noise / squabbling to an absolute minimum or should be removed by their parents immediately.

I have 2 young boys and I avoid 'family friendly' places like the plague. I can sit and eat my dinner surrounded by children at home without paying for the privilege - when I go out I want peace and bloody quiet!

Prole · 04/08/2015 23:45

Isn't it nice to have some grown-ups only places to go? My local pubs in Central London don't tend to be family-orientated which I like. On the other hand, in this glorious weather I'm not allowed in my only local park (Coram's Fields) due to the crime of being child-less.

Or am I wrong and everywhere should be child-friendly?

I'm really not getting slightlyeggstained's point at all... So finish work, go to pub with family but get vomitously binge drunk due to 7pm family curfew... is that what you're saying?

Also not getting comparisons to Italy et al... Southern Europe has very different attitudes to booze. My Spanish ex hated the Galician expectation that a woman should only have the one drink. Aren't British attitudes on boozing closer to Northern Europe?

GinBunny · 04/08/2015 23:47

I used to work in a pub and the staff were at best babysitters for the regulars that used to bring their kids in while they got pissed and ignored their kids. Kids were bored so used to run around, climb on stuff, as you described and it was up to us to keep them in check. Right up until after closing time, not early evening either. The Landlord wasn't bothered because the parents were drinking so bringing money in. Looking on Trip Advisor for that time the pub obviously lost a lot of trade as loads of people were slagging off the pub for being little more than a playground, so false economy there Landlord.

slightlyeggstained · 04/08/2015 23:51

None of those types of pubs contributed greatly to the doorstep decoration for me, maninawomansworld. It was the friendly local boozers (like gatorgolf describes) that had been bought out, gutted, and turned into loud, crowded barns designed to efficiently strip punters of money while pumping as much cheap swill down them as possible as quickly as possible.

I'd rather contend with the odd squally child than drink in one of those pubs.

alleypalley · 04/08/2015 23:57

Prole, I believe we may be neighbours. I may even run one of your non family oriented local pubs. I am though allowed into Coram's fields.

slightlyeggstained · 05/08/2015 00:08

Prole, no, just making the same point as a pp, that a 7pm curfew makes it hard to get an evening meal unless the pub is lightning fast at serving - you risk being hassled to get out five minutes after the plates hit your table. Not worth it.

Prole · 05/08/2015 00:28

alleypalley I've just moved back here after several years in the Elephant. Marchmont St. seems weirdly the same but also not... the Lord John is much spruced up, the Norfolk's gone from coke dealers to gastro. Can't cut through to the Brunswick as someone put a bloody great Waitrose in the way. I'm envious of your access to Coram's.