to think it's inappropriate for NRP to have phone access to DC at all times?

Yanbu at all, from your previous threads, your ex is abusive and using this as a form of control. I would keep it and limit the time she spends on it. If he wants, he can call the house at an appropriate time.

I think it's a nice thing as long as the NRP isn't abusive or anything.

But like anything else, you need to put rules in place about switching it off at meal times and bed times etc.

Right now it's a novelty because it's new. If you don't make a bit thing of it, she'll probably lose interest in it soon enough anyway.

YANBU. 8 is far too young for phone. It's not a toy. Look after the phone yourself. If her dad texts or calls, you can pass it over. She can play on it when she visits her dad.

I came on to say that phone access should be on the same basis that anyone has phone access to me, in that if it suits me to answer I will, but if it does not, I won't.

This situation is different though. Phone goes off at mealtimes, bedtime, homework time and any other time you see fit. This is an 8 year old, a young child!

He is using it to control you.

He will probably throw it in your face at some later date that your DD was awake at 9.45pm to answer the phone, when in fact it probably woke her.

So no, this NRP should not have phone access at all times, but you can control this and even use it to your advantage when she is with him!

Perhaps avoid having to deal with him by just saying no phone during or after dinner? Limit phone use like any gadget during the day?

Well she won't be able to take it to school will she?

I think 8 is far too young. Assuming you have a landline he can call her on that.

Definatly set a rule of no phone during mealtimes, after bedtime or when engaged in an activity/day out.

I'd set some type of 'phone hours' where she can have the phone with her, but that it will be put away other than then. I think most of us had that in one form or another growing up. I know my parents didn't allow me to receive/make phone calls at all hours.

I'm sure her father went on about being able to 'talk to daddy any time you want!' knowing that you would have to do something to limit it.

If you're feeling nice send him an email saying the phone will be switched on between 4-5pm each day and he can phone then if he wishes.

If you're not, tell him that she has no need of a phone when she's with you, and that you'll make sure she has it when he has contact but other than that it will remain switched off and out of reach.

The child is 8, no eight year old needs a sodding mobile!

8 is very young to have a phone. But my boyfriend would be very upset if his ex restricted phone contact with his daughters. He just calls her phone and she passes it over to the children which I assumed was normal. Is there a back story?

My 8 year old wouldnt have a phone. Regardless of who bought it for them. So in your shoes i would be taking it from her completely and telling him that.

8 is a bit young for a phone. But I got ds one when he was 9. After a fight with xp, about ds not wanting to speak at THAT INSTANT as he was playing lego with his mate.

So x texted ds.

Ds replied an hour later, when he was ready.

He got the cheapest, most basic phone I could get.

No need for camera, Internet or anything else!

I agree with the above posts.

Off at meal times, homework time etc.

Set a time each day when it's ok for her dad to call and text.

And don't be too upset when it runs out of battery/credit.

"She cried because I said ... that if her father wants to speak to her he needs to arrange an appropriate time with me"

Well I'd cry too if my mother tried to come between me and my father in this way.

Surely this is two issues?
Phone contact
Being bought a phone at 8.

Phone contact yabu, they should be able to communicate freely

Being bought a phone at 8 yanbu and it should have been discussed with you. E.g rules, type etc etc

I've considered buying a phone for DD (7) for a similar set up. Not one with loads of gadgets that she would play with, but a basic phone with both her dad's and my number in.

The difference is that he wouldn't usually try to contact HER, it would be for her to ring or text him when she's with me and vice versa. Instead, I've actually gone with Maily, an app for her tablet that allows her to email family members with my supervision. It's sweet that she can let everybody know what she is up to, but it also means I can see what is being messaged and when, so things happen at appropriate times.

If past abuse or control issues are in play, then I would probably insist that the phone be switched off at my house or just left at his, and re-iterate that phone contact can be made through the landline.

I think it is unreasonable for you to insist he pre-arranges a time with you when he can call his DD; but you have the control to switch it off when it's inconvenient for it to be on, so over mealtimes, during the schoolday, at night.
Then your ex can leave a message, or send a text.

It is completely U for him to expect he can have access to your DD any hour he feels like it.

But your DD should feel able to send him a text when she feels like it (within the hours that it's on).

There is back issues with Almond and her ex which she needs to highlight on here, unless you have read her pervious threads you will not be aware of.

Op - just wondering would it work both ways, ie you'd be able to phone your dd anytime when she's with her dad? If so, it might be worth letting her have it switch on when it's convenient for you and put on silent when you're eating etc and switched off at bedtime.

Under usual circs. then YABU- aside from school hours/bed time yadda yadda yadda.

I gather there's a back-story tho.

IMO "said that if her father wants to speak to her he needs to arrange an appropriate time with me" is unreasonable, based on the information you're giving.

But other posters seem to know about a backstory that makes it unreasonable to set these kind of boundaries.

YABU for not giving appropriate context!

I think it's unreasonable to limit phone contact to times pre-arranged with another adult. Why on earth should a parent and child have to be like that? A parent is a parent. It's nice to be able to chat whenever, you know like they would if the parent was still living with them.

However, I wouldn't buy an 8 year old a phone (unless it was because the resident parent was funny about phonecalls...) and if he's abusive then I would be concerned.

How is being able to phone your own child, on their own phone, intrustive? It doesn't impinge on your life in any way

Can you delete all apps / internet access / games off the phone so it's only used for calls to her dad?

If you can do that then I would let her have it with her during the daytime then your ex can't accuse you of blocking access.

If you can't delete the games etc then treat it as shy other screen and allow her to use it during a reasonable amount of screen time per day.

If one of your friends of family members phones you at any time that isn't prearranged, do you find it intrusive?! I'd guess (hope) not, you either learn to not answer, say you're busy or if you would enjoy that conversation more than what you are doing you would answer it and have a good old natter, right?

Surely your daughter can learn that?