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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not feeding guests?

424 replies

ReginaFelangi · 02/08/2015 21:14

Just wondering if I ABU.

Some friends are throwing a party. It's a big anniversary at a village hall and has been organised for months. They have lots of friends going. Most are having to travel quite a long distance and have booked hotels at £60+ for the night.

A few weeks back guests were told no drinks would be provided. Now it's clear they're not providing any food either.

I'm not really sure what the point is anymore. I would never arrange a party with no food or drinks! Do you think this is unreasonable?

OP posts:
UptoapointLordCopper · 03/08/2015 11:29

(Sorry I'm really hungry and only have food on my mind and it's not even lunch time yet.)

LeftMyRidingCropInTheMortuary · 03/08/2015 11:30

It was a work colleague so I:
a) "had" to go; and
b) didn't know any of her friends and family.
I just sat talking to my other work colleagues! Grim for a Saturday night!

Bunbaker · 03/08/2015 11:31

I'm flummoxed as to why you are struggling to mention to your friends that having a gathering of people without offering food or drink does not constitute a party.

Why can't you point out that as some guests will be travelling a long way just being offered a bowl of crisps is simply not on. I can see them losing some friends over this.

Have they been asked to bring a bottle? (I don't actually have a problem with his, and don't know why so many people do).

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 03/08/2015 11:35

No food or drink ?Shock

Well, their party will go down in history but for all the wrong reasons HmmGrin

WizardOfToss · 03/08/2015 11:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

marinacortina · 03/08/2015 11:45

Most people round our way have their parties in a pub. So no cost for venue hire for a start. That means the money saved can go towards a buffet. And of course there is a bar right there, so people can drink exactly what they want to drink. It's usually buy your own, although sometimes the hosts offer the first drink. People are always having parties in the pub, because it's such an inexpensive way of doing it.

ShakesBootyFlabWobbles · 03/08/2015 11:46

In my social circle, the 11th commandment is 'Thou must not skimp on the buffet.'
I'm sitting here with my mum and she is indignant on your behalf OP.

AboutTimeIChangedMyNameAgain · 03/08/2015 11:48

I hadn't thought about that but the hotel guests, where are they supposed to eat before hand? They're having to fork out for a meal as well as accommodation and travel.

Littleen · 03/08/2015 11:54

Yes, it think that's rather rude. I would never arrange a party with no food or drink. My parties are normally food + soft drinks, alcoholic the guest normally brings as a "present"! Then I'm not English though.

whatisforteamum · 03/08/2015 11:58

OP its not a sex party is it? Hence no food provided just a fruit bowl for the bunches of keys and a few masks.:)..why would you pay for accommadation, food, drink and a present sounds very odd.

SolidGoldBrass · 03/08/2015 12:04

Has one -or both- of the couple got food issues or an eating disorder or something? I'm another one who is quite accustomed to going to parties where everyone brings along a contribution of food/drinks and I have no problem with that, but telling everyone that there will only be crisps sounds like they don't want food to be part of the party.

DownWithThisTypeOfThing · 03/08/2015 12:15

My wider family are not very well off and if there is a party and it's self catered, we all as family say "ok, what am I bringing?" and between us all, we put on a damn good spread which hasn't bankrupted anyone.

The thing is though, it's reciprocal and I know if I said I was having a party, Aunty Vera would be on the phone asking if she was doing her ribs, Aunty Anne would be on the phone asking whether she was doing curry or chilli...and there's a massive difference between a tradition of family helping to put on a good "do" and guests just being expected to fend for themselves.

The only way it's ok is to also waive any gifts and I know you dont give to receive but if I was seriously contemplating providing NOTHING for my guests, the invitation would make it very clear they were absolutely not supposed to bring presents.

woodhill · 03/08/2015 12:21

I've been to a couple of parties in a pub, no food and we had to buy drinks. still took gifts but we're hungry

same person got married, had to stay in hotel, no drinks at reception whatsoever. expensive bar, some food but no desert or wedding cake. it just looks stingy. they were older so could afford it.

MistressDeeCee · 03/08/2015 12:25

I wouldn't bother to go. It sounds like they want everybody to pay for their Anniversary party, just for the sake of having a big "do". They're providing the venue, and music. If thats enough for you then go, but Id rather do something else or stay home if as well as travelling miles to a party, I have to think about making sure I take food and assorted drinks for me and mine too. I don't understand why people bother to have parties if they're not really fussed about the comfort of their guests. I know the party is mostly about the couple but there's such a thing as taking that too far

hesterton · 03/08/2015 12:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bunbaker · 03/08/2015 12:28

DownWith Your family sound very much like mine.

Pippidoeswhatshewants · 03/08/2015 12:34

At least they're telling you there won't be any food beforehand!
We went to a, what we believed, quite posh birthday do to "enjoy food and drinks". Food was 1 canapé per person plus a small cup of popcorn on some of the tables.
Dh was very grumpy and insisted on going home early via the kebab shop, where we met quite a few other party guests.

Bunbaker · 03/08/2015 12:35

Regina you really need to tell these people before they piss off all their friends.

DownWithThisTypeOfThing · 03/08/2015 12:36

Bunbaker
DownWith Your family sound very much like mine.

I read your earlier post and thought the same Smile

MistressDeeCee · 03/08/2015 12:37

Its just not very nice in terms of hospitality. Particularly with the expectation that guests come from near and far. & I presume its not just family, its friends too. A bit like a summons as opposed to invitation - come to our do but make sure you're carrying your own food and drink. Im not saying they should fully cater but provide a bit more than the basics..even if they chose to lay on food but had a paid bar, for instance. Surely thats not difficult. & if it is then why have a party? I don't see the point. It looks mean.

CrystalCove · 03/08/2015 12:41

Loving all the food music selections! Grin

OP seriously though - is there a DJ and dancing? Or is your DH the only entertainment? Because that's not a party that's an event and I wouldn't be surprised if they try and charge everyone ticket money to get in!

squoosh · 03/08/2015 12:42

The cheek of some people never fails to amaze!

Sounds like it will be a shit excuse for a 'party'. So nice that they'll receive a few gifts as thanks for their lavish hosting though.

I'd definitely let them know that everyone thought they were tighter than a duck's arsehole.

Bunbaker · 03/08/2015 12:45

"We'll eat again, don't know where, don't know when.
But I know we'll eat again some sunny day"

MistressDeeCee · 03/08/2015 12:48
Grin
Original poster
ReginaFelangi · 03/08/2015 12:52

When she was talking about it a couple of months ago she said she was going to get some supermarket pizzas and "bits" for the buffet (I have a cash and carry card I said she was welcome to use). Now it's "eat before you come".

OP posts: