Not feeding guests?

[ReginaFelangi]

Just wondering if I ABU.

Some friends are throwing a party. It's a big anniversary at a village hall and has been organised for months. They have lots of friends going. Most are having to travel quite a long distance and have booked hotels at £60+ for the night.

A few weeks back guests were told no drinks would be provided. Now it's clear they're not providing any food either.

I'm not really sure what the point is anymore. I would never arrange a party with no food or drinks! Do you think this is unreasonable?

Op, if they're not providing food and drink then it's not a party. Someone should point this out to them. A party is defined as a social gathering PROVIDING entertainment, food and drink.
I suspect lots of people will cancel, I would'nt attend.

They shouldn't. Been to a wedding that was like that, the meal was 'haute cuisine', apparently, though it wasn't and considered of three five cm in diameter circles of pork, surround by four marble sized potatoes. That was it. The vegetarian dish was spinach cannelloni which you might think meant the vegetarian guests were on a winner, but it was one tube and still frozen.

If they have already told guests that there will be no food and drink I suspect the numbers will drop dramatically.

Are these people so socially unaware or just downright rude?

In my family whenever there is a big celebration we always self cater or do bring and share.

We self catered my sister's wedding and provided the booze. Relatives helped out by bring food as well.

When my aunt and uncle celebrated their golden wedding anniversary they asked for no presents but a contribution to the feast. They had a marquee in the garden and provided all the crockery etc and booze, but simply didn't have the means to lay on all the food.

When my cousin got married we did the same. He stumped up £££££ for the booze and hired crockery etc, and people to dish out, clear up and wash up. It was the best wedding I have ever been to.

I have absolutely no problem with people asking to contribute food, but just to say that they aren't providing anything at all is just stingy and mean minded.

I think you should contact your "friends" and ask them outright what is happening re catering and drop out if it doesn't suit you. You owe them nothing.

I'm really shocked at wedding guests not being provided food (or miserly portions).

I believe that a wedding does not need to cost much: as a guest I couldn't care less whether it is in a church hall or a posh restaurant. What matters is showing good hospitality with food and drink, this doesn't need to cost much. We had our wedding on a shoe string budget in a hall, but made sure there was lots of good food, and plenty of wine.

Sounds like they want the attention and gifts of a party but don't want to actually organise anything. You have to do food for that type of event. Could you tell them do you think?

Get yourself down to Costco OP. Stock up on delicious tray bakes, boxes of multi pack crisps and so on. You'll do a roaring trade.
Or slightly more charitably get hold of the menu for the local pizza delivery place. Work out the best multi buy deal then get your DH to announce at the start of his act that you are taking pizza orders e.g. £5 for half a pizza. You will be the most popular person in the room!

I wouldn't go. And I certainly would not let my DH provide free entertainment (which is likely to go down like a lead balloon).

As they are pretty well off but obviously money minded to be this tight, I would text them saying "Mr.Regina unable to do entertainment, he's had a paid offer at a party with food and drink so neither of us can attend"

p.s. your DH is probably very good! I just mean that people might be a bit fed up so not very receptive!

I feel worse now. I don't know how to tell them gently that this is a huge faux pas.

I liked GrumpyOldBiddy 's suggestion upthread:

"I'd email / text and ask them outright. 'Can I just check something? From your email it seems that there won't be any food or drink at the party. Is this right?'"

I mean, you could additionally ask if cutlery/crockery/glasses will be available or if you should bring your own, to highlight the absurdity. You should also definitely conveniently forget your fridge capacity and say that because you're a 3-4 hour drive away you obviously can't bring any substantial food so won't be arriving until late so you can eat first etc etc.

There's no ambiguity in the email though. It says to make sure we eat before the party because there will only be a few bowls of crisps at the venue. So I don't even think they're expecting people to bring food.

Will there be cutlery, plates, cups? What about all the guests staying in hotels? Are they expected to make a quick trip to tesco on the way to the party?

Say something, they're taking the piss. Accidentally link to this thread.

A party is not a party without food.
I can't believe people can be that (clueless) tight and expect presents. It is the height of rudeness and as you point out op a massive faux pas

So it's just a drinks party and fully-BYOB?

It's a bit tight but not as bad as the weddings etc upthread.

It's a Bring-Your-Own-Party party. I would set up a rival party next door with food and drinks.

That isn't a party! That's hungry and thirsty people staining in a hall.

I was invited to an engagement "party" recently where the couple cooked food for themselves and their child on a barbecue and sat down and ate it in front of me, my husband, our 2 kids and the rest of the guests. Weirdest party ever. We just walked out in the end.

I would set up a rival party next door

I am quite mature in RL, really.

I do think they need to be told. I really would not travel all that way for nothing.

How mean.

Email and ask innocently if they have an idea of what food people are bringing, so you don't duplicate/bring something weird?

Although it sounds as though they are doing it deliberately and wouldn't take kindly to a subtle hint.

I'm not sure anyone would read the email as "please bring food" though, so asking what people are bringing is going to make me look like I have a screw loose!

I once went to a 70s themed 40th birthday in a village hall 30 miles away (sorry for all the numbers!)

I was the designated driver, but even if I hadn't been, it would still have been the worst party I ever went to.

It was BYOB which meant warm beer and crap wine out of plastic cups even for those who were lucky enough not to be the drivers. Whilst sitting on plastic chairs. The food was crisps and pineapple, onion & cheese on a stick (which I like!) but seriously, nothing substantial. I

Now ex-DP and I laughed for weeks every Saturday night and said "do you fancy going to a crap party in " and said "nah, fuckit let's stay in and watch paint dry instead".

And I had to sit there in my 70s outfit and pretend to be enjoying myself!

Yes, I know, OP, I just can't think of another tactful way to put it.

My other suggestion would be to say 'Are you SERIOUSLY expecting people to come all that way and not be hungry/get fed?!?!', which isn't at all tactful but is more my style.

If you notify the catering businesses in the village maybe some enterprising soul would park a kebab van next to the village hall? And the local pub could set up a beer tent? Then everyone would be happy (and rich).