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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not feeding guests?

424 replies

ReginaFelangi · 02/08/2015 21:14

Just wondering if I ABU.

Some friends are throwing a party. It's a big anniversary at a village hall and has been organised for months. They have lots of friends going. Most are having to travel quite a long distance and have booked hotels at £60+ for the night.

A few weeks back guests were told no drinks would be provided. Now it's clear they're not providing any food either.

I'm not really sure what the point is anymore. I would never arrange a party with no food or drinks! Do you think this is unreasonable?

OP posts:
guzzlewump · 03/08/2015 12:53

If it's really obvious in the email that you need to eat beforehand and you're travelling so don't know the area, how about emailing 'the 'hosts (and accidentally on purpose copying everybody else in) asking for a list of recommended eating places locally and opening times and seeing if anyone else wants to join you having a meal beforehand. Any luck, you'll end up at a nice, reasonable eating establishment, with lots of nice people and you'll stay and have a great time and just go to the party for a half hour (for your dh's excellent entertainment!) and have had a nice evening...

Oh and remember to point out that you need a reasonably priced eating place as it's costing you lots to come and stay overnight!

marinacortina · 03/08/2015 13:09

Just a thought, but do you know if they have got any other entertainment lined up? Could it be like a variety show [show]

Hellionandfriends · 03/08/2015 13:16

Can't you email her with a "I know you need to do the party on a budget but do you think you should provide a couple of kegs of beer or a buffet what with people traveling so far and getting accommodation?"

Hellionandfriends · 03/08/2015 13:18

How well do you know her? Could you be open?

Nonnainglese · 03/08/2015 13:33

I'm totally bemused, a 'party' minus food, minus drink but bring a present presumably and fork out for accommodation. That's ridiculous IMO.

Reminds me of a teetotal wedding with byo wine which was taken from you at the reception door and you didn't see it again- there were jugs of water on each table for the toasts Hmm. The food was a choice of sandwiches brought from Asda (still in wrappers), bags of crisps and a few grapes in a dish for dessert.
I was so bemused I still can't get my head around it.
To cap it all the invitation suggested a £25 per guest donation for the wedding present- to pay for the honeymoon in Vietnam and Laos!

Still laughing about it today but was pretty furious at the time.

squoosh · 03/08/2015 13:36

I hope there's a rebellion once the guests realise they aren't to be fed or watered.

squoosh · 03/08/2015 13:37

Holy moly Nonna that sounds like one fun wedding! I would definitely have staged a coup mid (crappy) reception and demanded my wine back.

Rubgyshapedlegs · 03/08/2015 13:41

Wine confiscated at a wedding??? From my cold dead hands...

Nonnainglese · 03/08/2015 13:44

It was so seriously weird and surreal that nobody said a word, everyone dressed up to the nines scoffing cheap sandwiches etc. the bride's family were very high chapel so perhaps that had something to do with it?

Original poster
ReginaFelangi · 03/08/2015 13:45

It just seems a bit passive aggressive to ask about places to eat, and I don't think I can say they need to put on food when they've publically said they aren't. Confused

OP posts:
Rubgyshapedlegs · 03/08/2015 13:48

If they're your friends, you'll protect them from this very public social suicide.

Some people just shouldn't organise parties. They don't get it.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 03/08/2015 13:59

Do you still want to go?? They seem utter grasping cheapskates! Expecting expensive champagne as a gift?? GrinConfused

Cant you invent some other event locally and or/sudden violent d&v....

Bunbaker · 03/08/2015 14:04

"It just seems a bit passive aggressive to ask about places to eat"

A popular MN phrase this.

Just be straight with them and say that to expect people to travel and stay in a hotel then go to a party that doesn't provide food and drink is very unwelcoming and could damage their friendships. It will cause resentment from the guests who have made the effort to be there.

They will think "we have made the effort, why couldn't you?"

Hissy · 03/08/2015 14:06

send an accidental reply all email with

" are you seriously expecting people to come all that way for a handful of crisps?"

or something more polite

No-one is going to turn up, you know this right? your H needs to cancel or he'll be playing to the village hall mice

Hissy · 03/08/2015 14:07

and DONT YOU DARE TAKE THEM A GIFT!

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 03/08/2015 14:12

As a side issue... When/where do the 'hosts' expect guests to eat.....?? Are they expecting everyone to turn up with a happy meal??

UptoapointLordCopper · 03/08/2015 14:28

Grin Grin

BettyCatKitten · 03/08/2015 14:34

Bagsy me for the unwanted free minions, dcs are collecting them Grin

fabuLou · 03/08/2015 14:38

If they are skint, I think please bring a bottle and something for buffet is ok. But to do nothing is weird.

sleeponeday · 03/08/2015 14:47

I missed the McDonalds reference at first, and thought the happy couple were now requesting minions to set up the party for them, too. It was so in keeping, I started wondering if people here had dubbed them minions, or the requesting email had.

RosePetels · 03/08/2015 14:51

A party with no food or drink is one I wouldn't attend especially with the £60 room stay wtf

BitOfFun · 03/08/2015 14:57

Why do you have to "gently" tell them anything?

sleeponeday · 03/08/2015 14:59

I'd be gently telling them we couldn't come, personally.

pineapplecrush · 03/08/2015 15:03

As others have said, it's not my idea of a party either, I just wouldn't bother, even on a really tight budget, you can provide something to eat. I went to a colleague's 50th birthday recently who didn't provide food as she said she didn't want the music and dancing to stop so guests could eat!! I felt embarrassed for her as people had travelled a long way and brought lovely gifts.

RabbitsarenotHares · 03/08/2015 15:08

I don't think asking for a list of eating places is PA - I think it's a necessity, esp if there aren't many in the vicinity. It gives people a chance to book now.

But, for goodness sake, make it very clear you are not offering to pay for your "friends'" dinner!!!