to think that a five year old should be encouraged to share?

[HappyGoLuckyGirl]

I spent a couple of hours yesterday refereeing between my 2yo DS and 5yo DNephew, they were playing with DS' megablocks and DS is in the 'mine' phase.

Anyway, they both moved on from the megablocks with DN playing on his kindle and DS playing with some of DN's figurines. DS sat playing for 10 mins without DN noticing but as soon as he did he said to DM 'X is playing with my figurines, I don't want him too.' DM replied and said to DN 'take them from him then' which he then proceeded to do.

I was shocked to say the least. I brought it up and said it wasn't fair for DS to share his toys but DN didn't have to and that he should be encouraged to share.

My Mother's stance is that he doesn't have to share his toys as they are his belongings.

A few hours later DS was playing with his megablocks again and DN tried to take some and play. I told him not to play with them as they were DS'. He cried of course and my DM hit the roof telling me I was being spiteful. I ignored her and once DN settled down, explained to him that not sharing was hurtful and would make people upset. He understood and said he knew that not sharing his toys would make DS upset. I said that if he really didn't want DS to play with some of his toys then he should keep them in DM's room where DS couldn't get at them. 2 mins later they were both playing with the megablocks.

However, DM is furious with me. How dare I upset her grandson like that. WIBU to teach my DN about sharing?

FWIW - huge backstory but basically she treats them very differently and favours my DN in a very obvious way.

We have encountered similar situations in the past when my children were younger at Grandparents houses with Nephews, mainly things like iPads and Nintendo DS's etc. And I had no expectation that they should share these more valuable things with my children, but I did say to them that I expected them not to leave them lying around if they were precious to them for my children to get or want. Don't share, but don't dangle the bloody carrot either. Slightly different situation to yours though.

I think its the same Tatty He will bring toys every weekend and will refuse to share them. My mum encourages it by saying he doesn't have to share his possessions. Well then why bring them if they are precious? And it's never the same toy he has a problem with sharing, just whatever he has brought with him!

He gets new toys from my mum almost every weekend and her response is 'they are new, he doesn't have to share them'. Which I think is my mum being spiteful which then rubs off on DN. I don't expect much more from him when she encourages this behaviour.

Cseriously, your mums behaviour to your ds, is nasty and toxic, I would be limiting contact now! What is this showing to your ds, that he is less than his cousin.

I don't agree anyone has to share their stuff if they don't want to. I do agree that you have no right to use others stuff if they don't want you too.

I often find those who won't share are ones people won't share with!

You were firm and fair to both the boys and handled it well IMO.

Thanks for everyone's replies.

Thinking about it properly, I think it is my Mum encouraging a difference between both boys. She always treats DN more favourably. I will be moving as soon as I can and I think I will be limiting contact with her, especially when she will be in the presence of both boys. I will encourage DS' and DN's relationship away from her.

I don't allow my children to be railroaded into sharing certain toys with younger children. 2 year olds aren't careful. I do encourage sharing of sturdy toys though.

If my 2yo wants to take a special toy to playgroup but doesn't want others to play with it, he's quite capable of putting it in my bag on arrival. He is also able to choose to let others take a turn without getting upset that someone else has it, even his precious Thomas toys. I would fully expect a 5yo to be able to put special toys away (op mentioned her Mum's bedroom iirc) if they didn't want another child near them! But, somebody adult needs to have taught said 5yo that skill in the first place...