Who is being unreasonable? Me or my parents?

[IShouldBeAllowedRight]

I'm 18, nearly 19. Today, there was a party for a distant family member who I don't have any sort of relationship with. I only interact with the family member when they come for dinner once every six months. I decided not to go as I wouldn't know anyone at the party (I find it really hard to talk/interact/have fun with people I don't know well. I'm working on it though.) and would have had a terrible time. My parents (particularly my dad, it's his side of the family) were not happy.
Because I refused to go to this party, I will not be allowed to go to a friend's party tomorrow (well today, Sunday). My parents are pretty relaxed when it comes to letting me socialise with friends a I'm responsible but I really don't think it should come with the condition that I have to attend parties where I will be physically on edge because of my troubles socialising. Even if I didn't have this problem though, surely it should be my decision?
I'm pretty annoyed. I go to church every Sunday (despite being an atheist) at their insistence. That issue is really non negotiable though, as I've been trying to make them understand that forcing me to go is not beneficial for anyone (well, their reputations maybe). I feel like giving up every Sunday (I'm usually at church from 11 to 3:30 as they go in early for choir practise and the service itself is long) should be enough? Surely I should decide how I spend my time? I went to another party I didn't want to go to (on my mum's side of the family) two weeks ago. My mum wouldn't let me refuse. (she did end up rewarding me for my attendance)
I'm going to have this discussion with them again tomorrow and try to convince them to let me go regardless of the responses I get but I really want to know whether I am in the wrong here?

A lot of you posters (while I can see that you're well-meaning) sound like you have no experience of a situation like this. In fact I was reading the post about 'tell the community, they will surely be outraged' and thought 'don't be ridiculous, they'll back up the parents and tell the poor op off for provoking them!'

When a controlling, abusive situation is the norm for you, then breaching that normality feels very very odd. It makes sense that the op accepts the emotional pressure as standard; everybody bows to pressure from their families in one form or another, only this is a lot more controlling than most families experience.

op, I hope it's helped you to see that your situation isn't normal for many, many people of your age in the UK. I do think that you need to change your situation, but I imagine you'll be more in favour of a softly-softly approach rather than a confrontational one, given your habitual attitude of giving in to authority and 'the rules'. When the rules are awful, remove yourself from the game (or at least distance yourself from the judges).

I remember being dragged by the hair along the floor by my Dad to try to get me to go to church. I was 21.

Lady- yes it seems that people who have a functional relationship with their parents can't imagine this situation!

Control is a big part of abuse. By bature it means you can't 'just leave'. I know that at 18 I didn't know where to go or who to call. I did find a flatshare and job but my parents wouldn't allow me to take them up. When you've had 18 years of obedience backed by the threat of violence you learn to do what you're told. I genuinely believed my life would be in danger if I defied them.

Your parents should not be using the "do as we say as you're living under our roof" thing as a means of controlling your activities. And it was their choice for you to be dependent on them - you didn't ask to be born, if you have children you expect them to depend on you, rather than treating it as a favour to you.

You're an adult and they can't make you do or not do certain things. They are completely babyfhinf you. Excuse the bluntness but you have to grow some balls and start sticking up for yourself and saying no. You'll never be out of their clutches otherwise. I hope you find a way to move out soon.

*babyfying

Sorry, just re-read my post and the "grow some balls" comment was v crass - apologies, in tired and grumpy! I do mean though, as best you can in your situation, you have to stick up for yourself - obviously I don't know how easy for you that actually is but I hope this thread has helped a little along the way x

Also OP do you have siblings? Are they treated much the same?