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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask WWYD

61 replies

lastqueenofscotland · 01/08/2015 23:24

My sister who is a few years younger than me is going into her third year of university. As far as we (me and my mum are aware) she is doing well, getting 2:i in most things...

she is home for the summer at my mums at the moment and the other week suddenly got very very funny about HAVING to go back very early to do some stuff for her dissertation. Which includes missing out on a nice trip we've done every year and pull as much of the family (now all adults) together.

She to stay at mine for a night this week for a friends birthday (I live in a different town to mum), while she was here she checked her emails on my desktop mac (which i only really use for when I'm working from home as have ipad/iphone for browsing internet/iplayer) so just logged on tonight and she'd left her emails open on one from uni - she has infact not been getting 2:1s at all... and has diabolically failed the year and has to go back early not for some early dissertation cramming but infact to sit additional exams and have an interview about whether she is allowed to continue...

AIBU to mention this to my mother? It's not just that she's failed its that she seems to be on the verge of getting kicked out and has told us she's on track for a 2:1... Those with kids at uni would you want to know?!

OP posts:

SomethingBad · 02/08/2015 21:23

All this "she's a grown woman" - doesn't sound like she's been behaving maturely or taking the privilege of being able to go to uni very seriously. Is your mum funding any of her studies? If so, she needs to know about this. Tell your sister that you've seen the email, and give her 24 hours to come clean to your DM before you tell her yourself.

museumum · 02/08/2015 21:26

Before you even said about the email I was thinking resits. What would I do? I'd tell her is guessed she had at least one resist to do and ask her if she needs any help or support.

Talismania · 02/08/2015 21:28

It's none of you or your mothers business

BoyFromTheBigBadCity · 04/08/2015 02:24

Op, if you don't want to talk to your sister, could you maybe make it easier for her? So, maybe say that this event will happen next year too, she can look at the photos. You'll drop her to the station? Offer your flat as a work space before she goes back? You can obviously do all these things of you tell her, but she doesn't want to tell your mum.

scatterthenuns · 04/08/2015 07:07

SomethingBad What a load of actual bullshit. You really think an ultimatum is going to help their relationship? You're talking out of your arse.

You've also got no idea whatsoever about how seriously she is taking her degree. She may just not be very good at it, but trying her hardest.

ItMustBeBunnies · 04/08/2015 07:56

Definitely do not tell your mum about this. It is up to your sister if she wants to tell her. She's probably hoping that she can get back on track this summer with none any the wiser about any problems.

You could mention to her that she left an email open on your computer and see what she says.

I failed my first year at university. My family still don't know. It was because there were three essays that I hadn't handed in. I hadn't realised that they were coursework pieces (I was writing 3-6 essays per week - some c/w, some class work). All of the end of year grades were posted on the wall, so seeing my name with 'Fail'next to it was mortifying. I had to write and submit the essays over the summer (at a cost of £20 each), then I was fine to continue. That kick up the bottom helped me to do well.

She's an adult. She sounds like she is sorting this on her own.

daisydukes229 · 04/08/2015 08:03

You say you don't have a good relationship. Is that because you go snooping through her stuff and go running to your mum at the slightest thing? Because if my sister did that I would be furious. Disgusting way to treat her.

She is an adult and her decisions are hers. Offer support and if she doesn't want it keep your nose out

SomethingBad · 05/08/2015 14:43

Is your mum funding your sister's studies, lastqueenofscotland? If she is, then it is her business. And I can't believe the flaming you've had for "snooping" when the email was left open on YOUR laptop!

MegEmski · 05/08/2015 14:53

Crikey, OP - you have my sympathies - MN can be a right nasty place sometimes

I would in the first instance, speak to your sister. explain you read the email, and ask if you can do anything to help.

If she says no, or gets stroppy, just leave it but explain you are there if she wants you

You could offer to speak to your Mum for her - if she wants you to

PHANTOMnamechanger · 05/08/2015 15:16

can you initiate a conversation with her, word it that someone you knew had to go back early to uni, but it was for resists, and they were really worried about telling their family, but it worked out OK in the end. And if its anything like that with her she has your full suport and encouragement etc. Just thinking of ways to bring up the matter and see if she is ready/willing to open up to you?

she MIGHT be the secretive/defensive/private type who thinks it noone elses business but hers, or she migt be secretly longing to share the anxiety and have someone to hug her and tell her it's ok, and support her to try again.

Arranie · 05/08/2015 17:10

I know someone who failed out of uni in the 3rd yr. she never told her parents & now has a great job, well paid etc.

Don't think it's anyone's business but her own. It's not like school where parents are involved in the students academics etc!

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