To want friends who think like me?

[wannabehamster]

I've recently become very aware of how liberal my views are and how important that is to me. I believe in fairness to all people regardless of gender, race, sexual preference, social standing or disabilities.

The more me views solidify, the fewer people I have in my life. Friends, family and colleagues all seem to be harder to gel with if they say or do anything that flies against what I believe.

Am I being too precious, are there like minded people out there or am I fundamentally different to my immediate society? It's just so bleeding lonely and hard work.

Yeah obiti but she isn't really very EDL if you are black huh? I love how friendship is a bond that transcends all sorts but people who can talk can evolve and grow. I can cope with buddies who are different but not racist sexist arses, life is too short. Why not just have friends who are ace all round.

YANBU.

Rejecting unfairness based on gender, race, sexual preference, social standing or disabilities is the right thing to do. There's a huge variety of people out there who are with you in that belief and plenty of them to be friends with I'm sorry you're finding it hard to find likeminded friends at the moment.

I don't know why people are implying your friends won't be diverse enough if you don't include racist, sexist, homophobic etc. people among them. Of course you'll still have a diverse range of friends - liberals aren't just one homogenous narrow group!

Those who wrongly discriminate are themselves placing vast limits on who they deem acceptable. Their own expectation is for others to reject fundamental aspects of themselves, which they can't change. But if such people want to get on better with you they have the choice to not be racist/sexist/homophobic.

You can still debate with people who don't share your outlook, but there's no law that you have to be friends with them!

I totally agree with the following said earlier in the thread:

"I won't accept anyone as my friend, who sees my family (or others) as second class citizens."

and "What you're describing doesn't actually make you liberal or left wing, it makes you nice".

Thanks everyone, too many to name check. I value the reassurance that I'm right not to accept openly prejudiced views and distancing myself from people who have is not being closed minded.

Just to clarify, I love a good debate. The pros and cons of fracking for example or how to deal with a threat such as ISIS. I could talk with someone who describes them self as right wing or left wing about this kind of stuff even if I don't quite agree (either way).

But I can't abide active prejudicial generalisations based on gender, race, religion, sexual preference, disabilities etc. These views are being perpetuated, they're not dying out with the older generations as that was never really an excuse. And whilst I'm accepting of the fact I can't change the world single handedly, I don't want to be around people who can oppress others, just because they can.

Oh wow, early morning rant before the first coffee. Any one care to join me in a cuppa and talk about music or something else uncontentious?

I agree (again). I've found recently that there is a whole new generation of bigots as these kinds of views are being perpetuated (Daily Mail, I'm looking at you)instead of dying out which is depressing.

I also agree that it's fine to debate issues but I can't be around the openly racist/homophobic,etc sort. Sometimes it's not even their physical presence, just an eye-wateringly ignorant post on FB.

You should see my recent posts about how to cope
with my openly racist/homophobic IL's, but that's a whole other thread.

Glad you're feeling reassured by this thread (I am too).

I think there has to be a dividing line. An atheist can be best friends with someone with a religious belief, a vegan with a meat eater, a Tory voter with a Labour voter etc but not with someone who is racist, homophobic etc.

"You are hardly liberal if you can't have friends with different views!"

So there now is your answer, OP. How can you be a liberal if you don't want to spend your spare time listening to the varied stupidities of racists and homophobes?

YANBU

I am friendly with people who have different view from me eg colleagues, other mums. We'll socialise occasionally, but I wouldn't count them as friends. Most of my actual friends have pretty similar views as myself.

I moved to the town I live in now just over 20 years ago and didn't know anybody. The way that I made friends was by joining my local hunt sab group. The friends that I have now are all people that I used to go sabbing with, or their friends that became my friends etc. We'll disagree on some issues, but now that are basic beliefs are the same eg veggie or vegan, liberal outlook etc. And we do go out for a meal or to a gig - we don't just sit round talking politics every evening!

I think that finding a group eg a local campaigning group to join would be a really good way of meeting like-minded people and feeling less isolated.

"but know that are basic beliefs are the same" not now

You really haven't read all my posts Apocolypse - you either haven't read the thread or you are being selective.

OP join a local 'relevant to your interests' group, like caria
Even of there's not an exact match, you'll meet like minded people.
Where do you live? My parents and ILs are similarly lentil weavery and the ILs really struggled to fit in when they moved back to the West Country. My parents moved a bit nearer to London and have slotted very happily into a like minded community. It's temperament as well though Mil does like a goady heated debate whereas although parents will challenge prejudice they won't start or even pursue a political discussion with very differently minded people.

OP, if you are so liberal, how can you have a range of friends that are not non-white British, gay, etc? Or are your non-white gay friends racist, homophobic, etc?

Surely as you go through your life, you meet a range of people from different backgrounds? If these things are important to you, you will surely also be the sort of person who moves for work? Many immigrants have moved thousands of miles, so it seems not unreasonable.

I find the very politically correct, judgemental, left wing allegedly liberal views on mumsnet seem reserved to a very strict category of people who also seem to enjoy the luxury of a lot of time to spend on the internet. It might be that you may only meet these people online, and that not many of them exist in your local area, and that if you want to meet such a range of people, you have to adjust your own life accordingly? Most of the gay, non-white interesting people I've met have been through work, when I've been working in another country to which I was born in. If I'd stayed in my home country in a provincial town, I doubt I would have met a very big range of people.