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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wonder why my non-stingy DP does this?

102 replies

CherryBonBon · 29/07/2015 10:41

2 adults and 2 hungry DC in the house.

If I ask him to pick up something from the shop on the way home from work he will bring home the smallest available quantity of everything unless I specify otherwise.

If I ask for milk I get a pint. A pint lasts us a day, max.

Yesterday I asked for Petit filou for 1 year old DS who eats 1-2 large pots after dinner every day. DP brought home 4 pots total .

Why, just WHY! Does anyone else's partner do this?

OP posts:

Trills · 29/07/2015 10:44

Have you tried asking him?

Do you normally do a "big shop" on a regular basis?

Maybe he assumes that an ad-hoc request like this is just a "top-up" and so he shouldn't get too much because it'll be cheaper as part of the big shop.

gamerchick · 29/07/2015 10:44

No not here. I call the husband Noah because he has to get 2 of everything.

Diamondsandpears · 29/07/2015 10:47

Sorry I'm in the same ark boat as gamer. Mine stockpiles many random items.

WickedWax · 29/07/2015 10:48

Total opposite here, I ask DH to grab some milk on the way home and we get a six pint which will undoubtedly go off before we manage to get thru it. Or pasta, he gets one of those small sacks which lasts USA few months and is a pain in the arse to store in our limited cupboard space.

WickedWax · 29/07/2015 10:48

us a, not USA

NoMontagues · 29/07/2015 10:49

Mine's the opposite. If there's a family pack / six pack / party pack available that's what he gets.

I can't ask him to pick up treats anymore. If I ask for haribos he gets the round plastic tub, and chocolate- I didn't even know you could buy mattress-sized bars but you can, DH found them

Crosbybeach · 29/07/2015 10:49

My DH does this when he's hungry, its entirely counter intuitive, if he's cooking tea he won't do enough rice or whatever carb we are having, I'll ask him to buy some chicken on the way home and he'll get 4 breasts to feed 5 including 2 huge teenagers.

So I discuss it with him now on the phone, in a nice way. 'Let's cook chicken curry, I think 6 chicken breasts', he'll grumble about 2 being enough, and then eventually give in with bad grace. Then once it's cooked he'll say, 'that only just did us!' with an air of surprise.

I do hold my hands up though to being a bit of a food worrier, I don't like to see the cupboard bare, and I do like a nice bit of left overs to take in for lunch.

Original poster

CherryBonBon · 29/07/2015 10:49

gamer.

That's the funny thing, he definitely has mild hoarding tendencies that I don't allow.

But with this I get frustrated that unless I write quantities for everything he automatically gets the smallest. Even if it's obviously something we need.

I feel like he should have an idea what we get through.

OP posts:

NoMontagues · 29/07/2015 10:52

Didn't someone once write loo rolls on their list and gave it to their DH, only for him to return with 100 rolls?

Mulligrubs · 29/07/2015 10:52

My DP is quite good at picking up the right size of things we run out of, so it would annoy me too OP. However when it comes to cooking he never makes the right amount. Never enough of anything unless I show him. Drives me mad! I'd rather he made too much so we can keep leftovers than end up with 3 toddler portions!

trollkonor · 29/07/2015 10:54

He probably has it in his mind that he is only needs to get enough to cover an emergency situation for the evening. Thats what i tend to do if Im stoping off on the way home from work. Its a very quick grab and run situation.

Having said that I have a choice of Budgens, M&S, tesco at petrol stations on my commute. If we need something and it hapens to be at good price there i will pick up more. You need to start telling him get 2 or 4 pints, it works out cheaper and as you know we get through loads so it isnt wasted. Why get one pint at xp when ypu can see 4 costs £1.

Original poster

CherryBonBon · 29/07/2015 10:54

Mulli he does that too. Makes stupidly small amounts of pasta/veg for the quantity eating.

I'm the opposite. I always buy too much and make too much. I like having a full fridge and big portions with the option for leftovers the next day. And he's a greedy arse too so it makes no sense to not buy enough food .

OP posts:

thecatsarecrazy · 29/07/2015 10:58

I ask my dh to pick up for e.g bread, milk and something for the boys lunch boxes. He comes home with bread milk and 24 cans of diet Pepsi. When I ask where the boys lunch box things are I get moaned at because I should Text him if I want something not phone.

trollkonor · 29/07/2015 10:59

Cherry if he is cooking too small portions repeatedly I hope you're dishing out the childrens with their regular portion first? Then ask him are we sharing this? Or are you cooking your own later?

FenellaFellorick · 29/07/2015 11:00

I have the opposite problem.

My husband goes and get ridiculous amounts of whatever it is I've asked for.

I've told it before but one of the highlights was the time I asked him to get some cottage cheese.

He came back with ten - yes ten - large tubs of cottage cheese with an expiry date a few days later.

Everyone who visited my house left with a tub of cottage cheese, and looking like this

I have learned to be specific about quantities.

BumpTheElephant · 29/07/2015 11:03

DH is the opposite. Ask him to get milk and he comes home with a massive bottle, loads of reduced crap (as in several packs of muffins because they were only 9p or whatever and reduced cooked meat that has to be eaten quickly) and frozen ready meals (I cook every evening! He says they're "just incase", he ends up taking them to work).
I can't stand the sight of fucking muffins now. He honestly brings home about 4 packs (16 massive muffins) a week "because they were cheap".

JackShit · 29/07/2015 11:04

@ 2 large pots of fromage frais for a one year old!

FarFromAnyRoad · 29/07/2015 11:06

I actually ditched a boyfriend for this kind of thing once. The last straw was the day he offered to cook dinner. My face when he presented the contents of a pack of Batchelors Packet Pasta or whatever muck it was, bulked up with tinned peas - as a meal for 2 people - well, it can't have been pretty . Actually the signs were always there. If he ran me a bath it had two inches of water in it. Teabags were dried out and used twice. But in matters of money he wasn't tight at all. Very strange.

googoodolly · 29/07/2015 11:06

I would assume he does it because it's just a top-up. I do the same, but it's because I don't drive and I don't want to lug heavy stuff home unless I don't have a choice.

Original poster

CherryBonBon · 29/07/2015 11:08

Jack DS is an unfillable tank. He's tall and not in any way chubby. Three meals a day plus about 4 snacks.

troll when this happens I refuse to share and call for a takeaway . He doesn't cook often. I like cooking and do it happily. And everyone gets seconds!!

OP posts:

AngryPrincess · 29/07/2015 11:09

Yep, my lovely, generous DP does this. Also when cooking, sometimes makes hardly any, then says he'll just have toast. I think he hates waste and is naturally frugal with himself. Actually he just does the cooking, he's pretty good at buying milk etc.

SylvanianCaracal · 29/07/2015 11:11

Yes! Mine does this. He will always get the smallest possible option, and he's not at all tight. If he's left to do the food shopping independently, he will buy food to make meals – so for example the fish, the chips, the teeniest bottle of ketchup, the smallest packet of peas. Then another meal – the chicken, the sauce, the smallest packet of pasta, separate packs of herbs. It's like he can only think about what he's making and has no concept of budgeting, saving some to use another day, planing meals so you use things up etc. That would be just too much to think about It drives me INSANE.

I really think it IS that he thinks that way because, despite living with me and the DC for many years, he still thinks of food in a kind of young and feckless person way – you go and pick out what you fancy, take it home and eat it, then repeat for the next meal.

I do all the food shopping, budgeting and planning thank fuck. That's because otherwise we'd spend a fortune and be surrounded by endless tiny packets. I can't stand waste and I like to be in control of it and do it properly and efficiently. However that does mean I've taken it out of his hands and he never learns.

So that it's not unfair, we agree on him doing other jobs like the dishes and kitchen floor (just in case anyone thinks I'm a housework martyr!) but it IS incredibly annoying that he can't get it.

neolara · 29/07/2015 11:11

My dh does this. I think it's because I do the food shopping, meal planning and most of the cooking and he has absolutely no idea how much five of us eat. He still does single person shopping despite us being married for 12 years.

DisappointedOne · 29/07/2015 11:13

Have you seen how much sugar there is in petit filous?!

SylvanianCaracal · 29/07/2015 11:15

Oh and while I'm on a roll, the other (completely contradictory) thing he will do while cooking is use almost all the packet, but leave a tiny bit. So he'll make a stirfry but leave 3 mange tout in the packet and a tiny drop of sauce in the bottle and put them back in the fridge. AAAAAARRRGGGGGH WHY WHY WHY?

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