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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wheelchair vs pushchair has been done to death - how about wheelBAG vs pushchair?

69 replies

EmmaWoodlouse · 28/07/2015 20:49

I saw this scene on a bus today and wondered what you lot would think.

An old lady sitting in the seat immediately behind the wheelchair/pushchair space with a big old-fashioned wheelbag taking up quite a lot of space. Younger woman gets on with two little girls, one in a pushchair and probably only about 1 and a half at the most. She tries to get the pushchair into he remaining space and can't quite do it. Older lady makes no attempt to move the wheelbag even a little bit (if she'd pulled it closer to her they could probably have fitted both in). Young mum doesn't challenge her as far as I could hear, but says "oh no, I'll have to fold it up" in a very flustered way, starts detaching bags of shopping from the pushchair and putting them in the luggage rack thing at the front, then releases DD2 from the pushchair and tries to fold it up with wailing, hot, unhappy DD2 sort of tucked under her arm, which really isn't working. Finally a completely different woman sitting near the front offers to hold the toddler and she manages to get it folded and stowed away before having to carry find somewhere for her and DC to sit further back. Young mum then has to go through the entire palaver in reverse when she needs to get off. Fortunately DD1 is big enough not to need physically holding/helping too, otherwise I think in her position I would have cried!

To me, the old lady was being rather selfish. There's no official policy that wheelbags can be put in that space but I don't see why not, as long as someone doesn't need it for one of the designated uses. The woman with the pushchair was very clearly struggling and nobody, including the driver, suggested to the older woman that she should help or move. (I was further back and couldn't do much.) I've seen this old lady around before and I don't think she has any mobility issues that would have prevented her moving back a row or moving her bag a bit.

Does anyone think she should have been allowed to take up all the space like that?

OP posts:

Croatianmum · 28/07/2015 22:46

YANBU at all

daisydukes229 · 28/07/2015 22:51

I don't understand why people find things unreasonable but don't say anything.

I take the bus twice a day and when I see situations like this I open my mouth and say something.

Buses aren't that big. Even sitting at the back you could have said something if you had been so inclined.

bettyberry · 28/07/2015 23:00

I hate those wheel bags on buses! the number of times I have tripped over them because people insist on leaving them in the aisle then they tell me off for daring to find a seat. HATE THEM!

Luggage racks on buses are there for a reason. I stick my shopping in the rack if I have loads. On my lap if its only a little. Use the racks!

I don't care about people claiming 'frail' the buses here have plenty of hand holds all the way down the bus, the buses drop level with the bus stops, the driver stops until everyone has got off esp with the elderly and doesn't drive until everyone sits. yes really! so the idea they need these ghastly things to move up a bus aisle that has a hand hold roughly every foot is ridiculous.

Its also a matter of safety. If they are blocking the aisles, as many do, or even an empty chair. The number I have seen where they have been tucked up in a seat space meaning that seat is left redundant is incredible.

as a PP said, yes, so many people (all ages) have a ridiculous sense of entitlement the whole 'I was here first'

WorraLiberty · 28/07/2015 23:06

More and more when I read these things on Mumsnet I wonder if we, as a society are losing the art of basic verbal communication.

So many people (not just on this thread) are now seeing basic communication as 'confrontation' or 'assertiveness' when it really isn't...it's just talking

I wonder if it's due to texting and emails being so simple, that without that crutch, some people just feel awkward about just politely speaking to a stranger?

It's the same when someone starts a thread about a noisy neighbour for example, there'll be tons of people advising the OP to 'put a note through the door'.

And I'm not even talking about OPs who have said their neighbour is aggressive in any way at all.

ilovesooty · 28/07/2015 23:24

I think you might have a point there Worra

There are plenty of threads where long exchanges take place via text but people won't pick up the phone and actually talk. It seems to cause anxiety for many if there's a suggestion that they might have to interact verbally with others.

glenthebattleostrich · 28/07/2015 23:31

Upthechimney, ageism works both ways. I use public transport a lot and the attitude of some older people towards anyone younger than them is disgraceful.

We all need to get along together, it just takes a little courtesy from all parties.

LadyCuntingtonThe3rd · 29/07/2015 00:06

I love how whole "it's the wheelchair space" line comes in.
I just recently had to listen to moaning from some old-ish lady with one of these trolly thingies because I asked her to move it from pushchair space. It was a bus with both - wheelchair and pushchair spaces and she chose to sit in the pushchair area.
She did move, but 35 minutes of complaining how entitled we (young mothers) are is actually annoying and tiring.

ProudAS · 29/07/2015 06:37

If both could be accommodated by moving the wheeled bag a few inches then surely that is the answer.

The woman may need it due to her disability but that does not make it OK for her to be selfish and inconsiderate.

LavenderLeigh · 29/07/2015 06:52

Older should have moved the bag.
Mum should have asked her to move the bag/offered to move it herself if older lady could not do so.
Mum shouldnt have indulged in PA "oh no, I'll have fold it up" if she wasn't prepared to at least talk to the lady.
It all could have been avoided if she had just asked to share the space.

Chunkymonkey79 · 29/07/2015 07:05

Wheel bag lady sounds like she was just being bloody awkward sitting and watching her struggle.

Pram lady should have just asked politely if the bag could be moved slightly.

If everybody uses this space considerately there is actually no problem.

SanityClause · 29/07/2015 07:14

If the woman with the pushchair had said, "would you mind if I just moved your bag a little, so I can fit my pushchair in the space?" and the wheel bag owner had said no, that would have been rude.

But that didn't actually happen.

MythicalKings · 29/07/2015 07:23

Betty you don't like the wheeled bags blocking the aisles, you don't like them tucked into a seat space so where do you suggest elderly people put them? They obviously cannot lift them onto a luggage rack.

Maybe they should stay inside so as to not bother you.

Bollocks to that.

Our buses specify wheelchair first then prams or shopping trolleys. Neither has priority.

In this case the elderly lady should have moved her bag but no one asked her to.

SoupDragon · 29/07/2015 07:30

In this case the elderly lady should have moved her bag but no one asked her to.

Of course the mother should have asked (I would have asked whilst also moving the bag) but the Trolley Woman just sat and watched whilst the mother struggled - that is bloody rude. She shouldn't really have needed to be asked to shift her bag slightly, it's basic manners.

ollieplimsoles · 29/07/2015 07:43

As usual, worra is absolutely right,

With two kids to sort out and shopping bags to move, I would have asked her to just move it up a little bit. If she said no I would have asked another passenger for help with folding the buggy

LavenderLeigh · 29/07/2015 07:55

Mum should have asked.
She chose not to.
You could have offered to help her but you didn't.

UptheChimney · 29/07/2015 08:25

The thing about old age is that we all get there -- the alternative is considerably worse!

And although I don't know how fit or frail or otherwise this particular woman was, it is a fact that as we age, we tend to lose muscle tone & strength. And this can make people feel more frail or vulnerable than they actually are.

Age Concern puts it like this: spend a day wearing swimming goggles, rubber gloves and carrying an extra 20kg or so, and that's how it can feel as an elderly person getting about: impaired vision, and other senses, fatigue, and a general sense of being invisible and the last in people's priorities. And a knowledge that if you are pushed over, or fall, or in other ways injured or damaged, healibg takes longer and can be more serious.

Now, none of this may be rationally true but that can be the way it feels.

whois · 29/07/2015 08:34

And it's all very well to say the younger woman should have just asked but some people struggle with being assertive in those kinds of situations.

Christ on a bike. If saying "excuse me, please can you pull your trolley in a little so we can both fit? Thanks so much!" To what was probably a perfectly pleasant lady counts as 'being assertive' then you're in for a whole life time of easily avoided shit situations.

this is like, such a non issue.

Anyway OP if you could see it all unfold why didn't you stand up and pull in the trolley for the lady? You could have basked in the glory of being a hero for hours.

whois · 29/07/2015 08:37

Luggage racks on buses are there for a reason. I stick my shopping in the rack if I have loads. On my lap if its only a little. Use the racks!

Right yeah, so someone who is frail and using a luggage trolley for support or to take home more than they can carry is really going to be able to lift it onto the rack?? Stupid.

noeffingidea · 29/07/2015 08:37

It depends on the shopping trolley really. Some of them are too big for buses.
As far as I'm concerned, if you want to use a wheeled shopping bag on the bus then get a smaller one. Same with buggies, if you want to use it on the bus, then get a small one. And be prepared to budge up, that way as many people as possible can be accomodated in a small space.
As regards old age, some old people do appear to feel entitled but then so some parents.

noeffingidea · 29/07/2015 08:39

Regarding luggage racks, I haven't seen them on buses for years. Our buses have a small compartment at the front for bags and folded buggies.

Yarp · 29/07/2015 08:42

If the woman herself wasn't assertive enough to ask, then someone should have helped her and the elderly lady.

This should not be a big us-against-them scenario. It's just depressing that there's such an appetite to pit older and younger women against each other.

Yarp · 29/07/2015 08:43

and OP, I don't quite agree that you couldn't have helped. I am not sure whether you are on here for research purposes or not

bettyberry · 29/07/2015 08:52

It's really not stupid to suggest people use luggage racks. It's not just the old and frail who use these bloody bags and 9/10 drivers will help you stow your bags here. Safety of all passengers must come first.

Also tucking them into a seat is just rude. What if another person really needed that seat taken up by someone's shopping!? Try being on crutches and needed to sit (broken leg) and having some idiot refuse to move their bag because they were there first. In this instance the driver made them put it on the rack.

It's not very considerate for anyone to take up 2 seats. You get folk doing it with all kinds of bags.

like I said, the buses here are very accessible with plenty of storage for bags and shopping. The drivers are more than helpful. They have rules to stick to as well.

Plus if you saw the way some of these people with bags have responded to being asked to move them you would understand why I hate them so much.

SoupDragon · 29/07/2015 08:54

If someone is capable of getting a trolley onto a bus, they are capable of moving it to make room for a pram.

Age is irrelevant.

MythicalKings · 29/07/2015 09:42

Plus if you saw the way some of these people with bags have responded to being asked to move them you would understand why I hate them so much.

No, I don't. You sound irrational. Hate? Very odd.

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