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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Medical treatment-my body my decision?

81 replies

mydecision · 27/07/2015 20:22

AIBU to think I should be entitled to make my own decision regarding medical treatment ?

Recently I had IVF, after my previous pregnancy resulted in me being unable to conceive again without assistance (I had also had placenta praevia and a small area of accreta)
Before coming to the decision to have IVF we had counselling and tests to check all was a swell as could be

The clinic were happy for us to go ahead but when my GP got the letter all hell broke loose, they called me in to discuss this and I wrote back stating that I had made my decision and did not feel I needed to discuss it as had already done so with our consultant
I then got an email from clinic stating that the GP had reservations about us having more treatment??? I feel this is grossly overstepping the mark

I'm upset, I want to complain. It's stressful enough as it is without interference

OP posts:
mydecision · 27/07/2015 22:08

I will make the appt but I will make it very clear, as I did in my letter that I've made my decision based on results of tests advice from a consultant and counselling and that if they can't/ won't support me I will change gp. I don't want it to come to that but it's stressful enough as it is being in the middle of treatment without this.

Iam aware of potential risks and i will attend screening / have treatment for anything that crops up if we are successful . I'm not going to blindly assume all will be fine and I will be very careful as i have been throughout this to do things.
Thank you for all the advice, I will be making an appointment to see the go and will take it from there

OP posts:
UrethraFranklin1 · 27/07/2015 22:11

But I have made my decision and after very careful consideration counselling and tests, it was not something we've entered into lightly or hastily

And if you didn't need the assistance of medical professionals then your decision would be the only one that matters. But you do, and so it isn't. When your decision needs the consent of others, their decisions also matter.If your GP feels that perhaps your consultant doesn't have the full information or there is something else that needs to be brought up, it is not only their job but their duty to say so.

Heebiejeebie · 27/07/2015 22:11

You are choosing to blame the gp and say that their view is irrelevant. Your fertility clinic are the ones who have asked for your gp's opinion. If you have a beef, it's with the clinic not the gp. Ask them why they want you to see your GP (despite their advice and your counselling).

Your GP has been asked, and reasonably, wants to meet you before signing their name (and medical registration) to say it's ok. Leave your anger outside the GP practice. And best of luck with your treatment.

mydecision · 27/07/2015 22:14

The consultant is aware of absolutely everything we wanted every possible test that could be done beforehand done to see exactly how high my risks would be so went into huge detail with everything.

Like I said I will speak to the gp, I just hope if this cycle is successful the gp is supportive of us as I'm so excited and really don't want any negative feelings poured on this for us, it's been a tough few years.

I do appreciate the advice I will near it all in mind. I think as well the ivf medication has made me over emotional which hasn't helped .

OP posts:
Kayden · 27/07/2015 22:14

Are you going to be receiving antenatal and postnatal care privately too?

mydecision · 27/07/2015 22:16

The clinic did not ask they just sent a treatment smart to me and copied in the gp just before second cycle which is when the gp found out and contacted them

OP posts:
mydecision · 27/07/2015 22:16

Summary (smart?)

OP posts:
mydecision · 27/07/2015 22:18

Yes if we are successful we will be going private for antenatal and postnatal care

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Heebiejeebie · 27/07/2015 22:35

I'm sorry, I misunderstood. I agree that negativity is not what you need perhaps drop a note in to the practice prior to your appt outlining the steps you have been through so they are fully aware before they see you . Again, all my best wishes

Spanielsarecool1 · 28/07/2015 00:07

Maybe it's not that they are necessarily against it-maybe they have some supportive / useful info to give. As a GP (and someone who has undergone-thankfully successful) iVF I think if I knew the patient that I had received a letter about, re ongoing treatment, I'd want to see them regardless. Not necessarily due to reservations but to offer support and guidance. Just go and see what they have to say before getting worked up - good luck.

AlwaysSpoiled34 · 28/07/2015 00:11

GP should stay out of it. I am finding some of them very insensitive and judgemental. It is your right to make decisions.

nokidshere · 28/07/2015 00:24

I saw my GP many more times than the consultant during my 15 years of infertility treatments. They were hugely valuable to me as a source of advice - positive and negative - and support.

When I finally fell pregnant naturally after 15 years I was advised to terminate on medical grounds by a consultant, but my lovely GP supported me all the way to a successful birth. I honestly could not have done it without him.

Go and see your GP he will only have your best interests at heart and, even if what he has to say is negative the chances are that he will support you all the way

mrsplum2015 · 28/07/2015 00:33

So will your birth be privately paid for as well?

MiscellaneousAssortment · 28/07/2015 00:46

I'm glad you're going to see the GP. It probably feels like they are over reaching their remit and perhaps even trying to put the brakes on a decision you've made very carefully with much thought and specialist input.

But, you don't know WHY the Gp wants to see you, and it's so easy to 'catastrophise' under these types of circumstance. I'd suggest going in and letting the gp have the conversational floor, and just listen until they've given you the information or questions they have for you. Say nothing and try not to cut them off, as that will just make you and the gp end up on opposite sides, where no sides need taking.

Then, you'll know what the fuss is about and can reply in a couple of ways that you can prepare before...

Either giving the GP more info on the situation and allaying his/ her concerns, or if it's new info saying thanks you'll take that jnto account as you move forwards (even if you don't think it's useful!), or if it's something that is over reaching and just annoying, smile say thanks and leave quickly to go swear somewhere out of ear shot! As if it's somethkng rubbish you'll be wanting to change GPs anyway and you shouldn't get stressed or upset trying to deal with it when you need to be focused on what's important in your life and positive for you Flowers

Btw, Ive heard of stories where a GP has picked up on things that haven't been done properly by hospitals or consultants, and saved the day... Or some who let their personal prejudice and God complex behave terribly and do harm. There are good ones and bad ones and theres no need to stick with one who isn't going to be helpful. And I don't mean that you should blame a GP if they simply have a different opinion from you, but if their own limitations, assumptions or prejudices get in the way of doing a competent, professional, job, that's not good.

On that note, I'd class as very wrong indeed the GP who decided to tell an official body/ agency over the phone that 'I wasn't disabled at all, I just needed to mobilize more', that GP was a terrible GP! I wish I'd complained at the time, but as I was busy dealing with the sudden onset of a severely disabling life shortening condition, I couldn't defend myself. She almost derailed a vital process to assess my condition which was to access help for me, by her own odd attitude and unprofessional assumptions. To this day I don't know her reasons for giving that as her 'professional opinion', considering it was at odds with many consultants detailed letters and the basic medical facts in my health records. But it is a rare condition, so being generous she could have been simply ignorant, but then the professional course of action would have been to read my records, contact one of the many consultant im under, or simply admit she wasn't best place to answer the query and pass it over to another GP in the practice. But she decided to, and apparently told the professional on the end of the phone that if I really couldn't walk and was bedbound, which she doubted, I must have done it to myself by making myself deconditioned by refusing to do anything for myself, and that the best way to help me was to withdraw all care instantly! Luckily her ridiculous opinions were dismissed as they clearly had no basis in reality... Anyway I digress on my little rant!

Suffice it to say, if your GP is being that odd, I'd suggest moving GPs, but give them the benefit of the doubt and hear them out before you decide. Good luck.

Janette123 · 28/07/2015 06:18

mydecision,
I work in healthcare and legally the patient has the right to self-determination.
However, if a medical professional has any concerns about any proposed treatment it is their duty to flag it up. If they didn't and something went wrong, they could be sued for negligence/struck off whatever.
I would go and see your GP and have a discussion with them about this and see if you can get to the bottom of their objections.

Spartans · 28/07/2015 06:50

Yabu. The GP has a job to do and is required to take the steps they have. They asked you to come and discuss it. You didn't, so you left them with no option. But to not support it.

The letter wasn't agressive, it told you what they would like you to do.

People conceiving naturally, who have had previous problems, are recommend to speak to their gp before ttc. However it's impossible to control that. If people choose not to, there isn't anything they can do.

Ivf is completely different because the GP is not required to give an opinion on it. The GP will not leave themseleves wide open. They have to be informed and say if they have reservations, if they are not honest and something was to happen, then they will have to face consequences.

It's a very emotional one for you, but you can't expect a GP to leave themseleves wide open just so you see them as entirely supportive.

Booboostwo · 28/07/2015 07:13

Your GP cares enough about you to notice what is going on and want to discuss his concerns with you. Frankly you should be thanking the practice for their work. It is perfectly normal and consistent with patient care that your GP wants to confirm the decision you have made was fully informed. You have chosen a risky course of action, the GP is not trying to stop you, but as your doctor he needs to satisfy himself that you understand the risks of what you have chosen.

Fizrim · 28/07/2015 08:11

I do think you should go with an open mind (even if I doubt you will). IVF does come with additional medication which is also a risk to health. There is also your mental health to consider. I know that you have had 'every test' to research the risks but it does come across that you've made a decision and assume that everyone else is against it. I don't know why you are constantly gearing yourself up for a fight and increasing the stress on yourself! Just go and hear what they have to say.

mydecision · 28/07/2015 08:16

I have an appointment later this morning (another reason I'd like to have support from this GP as the surgery are great with apps) with the GP I'm assuming spoke to the clinic, if not up they still have my notes to refer to

I will see what they have to say

OP posts:
RJnomore · 28/07/2015 08:50

Good luck I hope they are supportive.

Twinkie1 · 28/07/2015 08:57

Why does it matter so much if they support you in your decision?

Are you going to question prospective doctors before you register just in case they don't support your decision?

Heels99 · 28/07/2015 09:08

Op, I mean this kindly, had 4 private Ivf cycles myself and know how hard it is. But seriously you are being over dramatic. "All hell" has not broken loose, the letter was not aggressive and you have made all sorts of assumptions about your go without going to the 5 minute appt to find out. Ivf can be a long hard road, you need medical professionals on side and you need to listen to what they have to say even if you then decide not to follow their advice. We changed clinics after 3 cycles and the medical staff at clinic 1 had very serious reservations about the treatment we would be having at clinic 2. We listened to them and weighing it up decided to go ahead with the treatment at clinic 2. Go and find out what your gp is concerned about.
When our 4 th cycle finally worked, my kind go signed me off work for 3 months as I was so worried about it all going wrong. Keep your go on side.

Re private ante natal care, unless you live in London private childbirth, ante natal or post natal care is very hard to access.

Good luck with your further cycles, but change your approach, don't fight against people who are trying to help you it will make a stressful situation worse.

justabigdisco · 28/07/2015 09:20

You are complaining that the GP does not respect your decision but you are not respecting their position.

They are being asked to sign something to say they agree with you going ahead with a risky procedure. Quite rightly, they want to discuss it with you first so that they can be sure in their own mind that you understand the risks and are ok to proceed. Yet you won't give them that courtesy.

GPs are often placed in tricky positions like this. True, they may have nothing extra to say that you haven't heard before. But every time they sign something to say 'x is suitable for this procedure' they are putting their registration and therefore career on the line.

There was nothing aggressive about the letter they sent you - as PP pointed out, that is a standard appointment request letter. Just go and see them, have the conversation, make them aware that you DO understand the risks, then everyone can be satisfied. You may think it's nothing to do with your GP but the clinic have MADE it to do with your GP by asking their opinion - so they need to be fully informed too.

Good luck with the IVF.

justabigdisco · 28/07/2015 09:23

Apologies - I see you have an appointment now. But hopefully my post might help you understand where GP might be coming from.

mydecision · 28/07/2015 15:53

Saw gp this morning, the concerns were sort of as expected (about previous problems in pregnancy) but I explained my reasons and all the counselling and tests I've had done

I also apparently need a smear test and gp was insistent I need it done asap and I am very anaemic (had a blood test couple weeks ago) and she wanted to make sure I start iron tablets Asap as said it may affect my general health

All seems to be fine now

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